Friday, August 7, 2009

Words are All I Have

 

There are a million realities I wish you had known. Even though, sometimes, my mind confuses realities, truths, and facts with illusions. And I can't see clearly, suddenly, everything becomes a blur.


And, so, I don't know if those realities I had wanted you to know are real.

But now I don't, now it's all gone, it's all buried in that dark little corner. That's what you do, really, as the days go by; some things you hold on to, and others you just throw onto that pile.

Humans are a very complicated species. And I am a very complicated human.

 

There are a thousand truths I want you to be blind to, and I smile. I smile because all is beautiful. Even my tears- even yours. Tears are fresh, very fresh, raw emotions, that's why they are wet. And a smile? A smile is just...how do you describe a smile? There's a fake smile, and a real smile, a true smile and a sarcastic smile...there's a mischievous smile and a sincere smile...

and I smile.

Will you put up with me...and my incoherent, fragmented thoughts? The words that don't make sense and those that don't matter...but I wish you knew, I wish you could understand that words are all I have. And that my words are always true. And sincere. And that they flow directly from my heart. And yes, my heart has always been troublesome, I have a very bad heart. I don't know if that is entirely true,though, because sometimes I think it's my mind that causes all the trouble.

Maybe both.

22 comments:

ali said...

That is beautiful and so sad.

Does he know this, your emotions and words?

chicknamedhermia said...

Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good and nice and everything!!!!!

Kamana said...

beautifully written.

and there are those very beautiful smiles that you smile when you are sad.

suzannah said...

such a wonderful post ♥

Farah said...

hmmmm....me too I'm complicated...and I have a love/hate relationship with that realization...

Innate_Inanenuss said...

Hey Sarah, I love this post a lot..I seriously relate; it's the kinda post I can read with deep understanding :)

Inside the Cabinet of Wonder said...

simply wonderful.
thats all i can say.
:)

Mika said...

Great post. Mika (www.mikascrap.typepad.com)

Jimy said...

I listen
I listen to words
and the most important words i listen to
are yours

Anna said...

tears are a miraculous thing. you are an amazing writer.

& you do not have a bad heart.
your heart is a very beautiful heart.

xo-

in company with sparkles said...

Our hearts are so sad! It makes me depressed sometimes, and then happy because I know we have an awesome God who cleans us up inside ;)

I'm glad for you in your happy news and hope that the less happy things are working out ok.

with love,
cait

Tania said...

Some time ago, this was my own feeling. I can't even say how long ago. It might be..two weeks? or two months. What difference is there, anyway. But now i feel like emptied, hallow, and these words come through me like i were and empty room and they bump against my walls, and keep on sounding there, like a bitterswwet track of a short gone past.
Loved it.

yiqin; said...

Sucha nice post <3

S.Elisabeth said...

Aw I like this. I'm complicated too =) I hope he realizes that complication isn't so much a bad thing.

locuasia said...

Sara how can you possibly have a bad heart? Your words betray that statement! YOU are the one who makes me cry all the time with the beauty of your writing!
You are beautiful inside and out and I thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a message... I am still very sad but feel better, I hope you do too... soon...
I think of you often and feel blessed to have you in my life.

alissa said...

you're a great writer - as always :)

magnoliaamber said...

Don't you call yourself bad..I become sad after reading the post.
I hope you feel better...

nicole addison said...

wow. thats so beautiful. emotions can be such a confusing thing...i agree i'm a complicated human as well :( but i love when you can put all of your feelings into words..or find someone who wrote it out perfectly for you! xoxo

magnoliaamber said...

Thank you for your hyperlink about the wedding stuff:)
I wish you to be sunny soon...
Look forward to your next post...

Sophia said...

The whole time I read that, I felt so connected, like I related completely, with the idea of a love/hate relationship. You're an amazing writer.

Jess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jess said...

I love it!!
I followed your blog after reading this post :)
you're a very good writer..
thanks for your comment!