Monday, January 28, 2013

Pep Talk

Just in case you haven't seen this on ThoughtCatalog, this kid made my day.
He makes me really, really happy. He makes me feel so bad for spending the whole day at my desk.


Today, I heard the rain outside and I stayed inside because I wanted someone to walk with me, and I was alone. Mind you, it rarely ever rains in Cairo and I missed it. As I heard the rain today, I promised myself that I won't allow this to happen again. And I won't.

I also started working on my January List of Gratitude today! (known as #ListOfGrat on twitter)

It includes:
- my family
- being a godmother: YES! I became a godmother earlier this month! I have a beautiful Godson names Youssef and he makes my heart melt.
-  my new car: I have a silver renault (hatchback) that is so much safer to travel in than my old Kia Picanto (which I dearly miss)
- Words

But that's not it. I am still working on it!

Friday, January 25, 2013

January 25th, 2013

It has been two years since the day anti-government marches and protests took place. Two years since I took this photo. Two years, and only two things have changed: Mubarak is no longer president and the Muslim Brotherhood (long known for their lies and twisted ways) are now in power.

Please pray for this country.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Ten Years

 my grandfather and I

Today marks ten years since I lost my grandfather to a deadly heart attack. I am thankful that my grandfather did not suffer for long, that he passed away swiftly.
Sometimes, I am not sure whether he'd be happy with who I have become, and sometimes I think he'd be damn proud of me. Currently, I am not sure if he'd be happy with how I have turned out to be. I hope it's not hurting him, wherever he is now. I have been saying stupid things and doing even stupider things that have been hurting those around me.
I barely have time for myself or those around me and it has negatively affected me and my relationship with other people.
I hope this is the wake up call. I really do.

Friday, January 11, 2013


Here's something that I originally wrote for the Clairvoyance Collective:

I woke up in the middle of the night with a brilliant thought in my head; the perfect opening line, the most eloquent words and the prettiest picture painted with words, and I promised myself that I will remember it when I wake up. Of course, this never happened. No one ever remembers these moments of sheer inspiration, oh beautiful inspiration, they get when they are half asleep.
It’s very similar to those moments when I am listening to a song that makes my ribs vibrate with emotion and think to myself “this could be the soundtrack of my book…the book that I will eventually write” but that, too, never happens. You never keep track of songs you want to put on a list unless you write them down somewhere specific.

There are also moments in the shower when I think of characters and storylines, but this never materializes, because I am no good at fiction. I might fictionalize, inspired by the different truths I encounter in the beautifully loud city that is Cairo – the city is incredibly loud with details that if you pay too much attention, it might drive you crazy.
Imagine songs that you listen to as you drive on a highway and suddenly the words start rushing through your mind – your own words – and there is nothing you can do about it because you’re driving. But these specific songs are the songs you know you love; the songs that you know you should go back to when you’re sad, or lack inspiration. They might be songs people have recommended; songs that you in no way relate to, but songs you love nonetheless. They are songs that inspire you.

This might be the reason some songs make you cry; over lost inspiration. Maybe this is why I cried that one time at the opera. Maybe this is why his “Ya bay”s make my heart ache…maybe you can help me find out why this song resonates with me for days after having listened to it…and, this is the last one, I promise.

Does this make me a daydreamer? I remember one too many people who have referred to me as one, and I don’t really mind. I realized it one day as I was sitting with a friend of mine – a really special friend of mine – in the afternoon sun. I tried to explain how I like it when the sun hits only one side of my face at this time of the day, and I know that it makes one eye lighter in colour than the other. When he didn’t really get what it was I was talking about, I realized that it was just me who might notice these things, and that I am, in fact, a daydreamer.

Almost three years ago now, I wrote to a dear, dear person saying: “the thing is, I am running a bit low on inspiration and ideas (these days)” and his reply was: “No, I do not ever believe that you can be in that condition…I think I have observed your functioning close enough to know that these are probably the symptoms that inflict themselves upon certain souls, typically artists, thinkers, and creators in vicarious sorts. I hope you realize that I mean what I am saying. It may not make it easier, perhaps, but it is important to place these feelings/self-doubts in perspective and to relate to them as reflections of the inner self rather than as facts.”

I am not writing this to invite people to listen to songs that inspire me, nor to explain how it feels like to be a daydreamer. It might be that I am writing this to try and express how it feels like to constantly feel heartbroken. Even if you’re happy, even if there is nothing wrong with your life, and there is not a single reason for you to feel heartbroken, there is always that one voice, that one thought, or maybe feeling, that hurts a little…and it might leave you heavy hearted for a minute or two – but then you remember that you are happy and this is not how you are supposed to feel.

Then I look up and I am lucky enough to see a shooting star. And I make a wish; clarity.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


I can't wrap my head around the fact that the year is ending. It seems a bit weird to me still.
This year has been a typical roller-coaster ride for me, with ups that are so high they made my stomach tickle and downs that left me with puffy eyes in bed - hiding under my covers.
I have grown in so many ways this year and it has been eyeopening.

  1.  I got engaged! To a Saudi Arabian/Egyptian/Afghan pediatrician/comedian/gamer (see? He's not a terrorist)
  2. I turned 25. This is hug, people. I turned a quarter of century and I still cannot wrap my head around it. It's weird. So ridiculously weird. How does one deal with that?
  3. I did some traveling, more so than I usually would, most were work trips, but I still traveled and loved every bit of it! I went to Tunisia, Jordan, UK, and Germany. It was my first time to Tunisia, Jordan and Germany.
  4. My baby brother is officially a preteen: he turned 11 this year, and my baby sister turned SIXTEEN. I wrote her this for her birthday
  5. Speaking of writing: I started writing for The Clairvoyance Collective, which is inspired by Thought Catalog. Check it out! Lots of Egyptian talents there.
  6. I read and reviewed I Wrote This For You, the book. And it was, by far, one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. It had stirred so much emotion with me.
  7. I started a new job that I absolutely love, and having not liked my previous job that much, I realise how much of a blessing it is to love your job. It has caused me some problems liking my job so much; I am willing to work longer hours, which leaves me less time to spend with my loved ones. I miss spending time with my friends and family all the time.
  8. My cousin got married and is now pregnant; she's about to give birth to my godson!! I am going to be a godmother!
  9. I am now a woman with long hair! I have also accepted the fact that I have loads of grey hair. What I do now is get lowlights so that the grey blends in a bit. 
  10. I am sure there are more things. But I can't really think of any and I need to post this already!  
Happy 2013 beautiful people. May you grow immensely this year!