Thursday, April 19, 2012

Making Memories out of Pain

The past will always be with you, no matter how hard you try to let it go, it shall forever remain with you. Yet, one is free to choose - to decide - how they want that companion, the past, to be like.

Your past can be your memories..
(sweet nostalgia)

Your past can be your pain..
(a heavy heart)

I am not trying to tell you what to do, I am only trying to tell you what I have done. Maybe I was right, but maybe I wasn't. (which is usually the case)

Life has been good to me, but I only think so because I want to. A lot of people might have hated their lives by now had they been in my shoes, but life threw my way one learning experience after the other, and I accepted the challenge to learn.

And so it was.

Taken by me. Instragram username: Kikiesque

I have ruined so many good things in my life, but that has only taught me that you don't realize how good/bad something/someone is/was for you unless you spend some time with your own self.

I learnt that change is never a bad thing, that being in your comfort zone for too long is never good for you. I have learnt that being selfish at times doesn't have to always be perceived negatively.

I hurt a person, a lot, repeatedly, in so many different ways, I also did some not-so-responsible things.
I did some things that only felt good at the time, knowing that, most likely, no good will come out of them. But these things made me happy. They made me smile, and yes, I did go through a bit of trouble afterwards, but I would never regret doing any of these things.

I now remember every single memory with a smile. (and a bit of thought)

This, this right here, is the difference between memories you have made peace with, and residual pain; pain left over from a past you still haven't made peace with..

I regard those memories as unfinished stories that would have taken me on a totally different path in life, and I wonder about the person I would have been and where that person would be. That does not mean I am not happy where I am now,, because I am! But it helps strengthen the realization, it makes it more concrete, when I think of the alternatives and realize I wouldn't prefer any; I like it where I am.

I hope everyone could reach that. I hope you are where you want to be, because you are definitely where you are meant to be.
(I hope everyone is in a constant state of learning, and I hope that everyone steps away from their comfort zone every once in a while. It's good for you.)

One day, I will write those unfinished stories, and one day, I shall finish them on paper not knowing how far from reality my musings are. No one will ever know, and that's the beauty of it all.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Birthday Wishes

I just wanted to wish a very special person a happy birthday.

Happy Birthday, Taylor!

Taylor, thank you for being ever so inspiring. Thank you for being such a colorful person. Have a great, great birthday!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

April Wedding #1

One of the closest people to me got married on Sunday. I cannot begin to describe how it feels. It is one thing to attend a friend's wedding, it is another thing to attend a cousin's wedding...but it is entirely and totally different to attend a (very) dear person/cousin's wedding.

Her dress was beautiful! (I helped her get dressed)

I mean, I hadn't even realized it. This is someone I share so many memories with. And her wedding was another big, shiny memory that I have managed to add to a long list of fun-filled memories.

(Well, apart from the fact that I felt all grown up, and that I was too busy helping her out that I forgot to wear mascara, and the possibility of a scar that I have on my right foot for having had my leg stuck on a step)

I wrote all that which I have written between parentheses with a smile on my face.

PS. I, like most other android users, now have instagram! My username is kikiesque, let's be friends?
PPS I have three more weddings to attend this month, hence, the title.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Who are You?

I don't think I recognize the person I have become. I don't know who I am anymore.
I have been sick in bed for the past 4 days. Ever since I came back from Tunisia (yes, I was in Tunisia for 6 days, I will post about that later - the country is BEAUTIFUL)

Those who have known me for over 10 years (that's only one person really, the one person I am still close with) know that I shouldn't spend too much time alone. When I spend time alone, this gives me a chance to think and when I think, the outcome is never, ever good. It's usually twisted, and more often than not, far, far, far from reality.

Outcome: Huge argument with the boyfriend.

Anyway. Back to me. I honestly don't know this person sitting here typing this post. Because the person I knew to be me used to read a lot, used to write a lot...she used to cook. And she used to work out.

And all these things are things I no longer do. I no longer have it in me to do them, or maybe, I just no longer have the time to do them. I thought that as soon as I finish my master's degree, I'll have time to do whatever it is I wanted to do, but now that I work with the Germans, I barely have time to do anything. I am not complaining really, it's a very fulfilling job, know?

Meet my little friend here, she's been keeping me company:

Made from organic Egyptian cotton, (the fabric is dyed with natural dye!)