Thursday, June 11, 2009

An Almost Post

I almost bought my Hayek prints yesterday! (I haven't yet paid)... Does this make me silly? I mean, when someone asks me how old I am, I say "almost 22"... Just like when I was a kid, and being older was cool. "Almost 9". I still do that. And I refer to my boyfriend as "almost fiance" because, well we're not literally engaged yet.
On a professional level, I have verbally expressed my desire to resign (how professional does that sound!). I have made friends with the people here, but I can't say that I am happy, on the professional level. This is not the path that I want to take. Not at all. I wrote my resignation letter. 11th of July, I will be free. So, I guess I will be joining the consumer crowd again, till I find a spot among the producer people.

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
Oq Mandino
What do you think you will remember during your last moments alive? See this video? It made me think. A lot.
And this is for me. and you. and everyone.
I am kind of lost.. or maybe it's me, imposing all this on myself, thinking the negative thoughts, and surrounding myself with negative energy..I also miss my boyfriend's presence. To know that he's not there just for the weekend, you know? It's a weird feeling, like he's here but not permanantly, so I have to be nice regardless of whether he's kept me waiting, for example, only because we don't have much time to spend together. Am I making sense?

I am listening to everyone's mellow music suggestions! Right now it's Azure Ray(thank you)...ah, I want peace of mind. Or lack of responsibility. Maybe my childhood back? I wouldn't mind

25 comments:

SHOKOOFEH said...

Sara, this is one the best posts of you darling girl; and you're making sense, I mean it.
this is great. to write our feelings and see that everybody else feel exactly the same... right?
and believe me;sometimes I really miss my childhood so badly! maybe I think that part of our lives was the only chance to be really free. otherwise I believe that we can go back and feel it again. I don't find my way yet but I'm sure I will... my way to be free like a little bird!

xo

georgia b. said...

such a great poem. it's so easy to be negative, but we forget to counter it with the positive emotions and things that are all around us. thanks for the reminder!

i love your almost post and your clever, thoughtful writing. so glad i found your blog one day—or you found mine. or whatever. we found each other. :)

hey, did i give you a suggestion? can't remember. if not, listen to the innocence mission. also, mendelsohn's songs without words are beautiful, too.

Becky said...

Try Enya as well Sara!Shes just simply so great.The music just takes you away, its beautiful.At least I think so as do many others.fairytales is a great one of hers and so many others.

Becky said...

Another one by Enya too Sara, Only Time.

sa1tyeyes said...

the book is infinitely better. (but i guess i always say that, haha)

chicknamedhermia said...

Awh I'm so happy for you!!! You're going to feel so much better not having to trudge to a job you hate everyday! I wish I could do the same, but I just have to stay in my job for the next six months to save for our move to Australia!!! It's killing me though, and I'm so down for the most part of the week!
Well done you! :)

May Lin said...

Hi Sara,

Thanks for your reply :) You know it seems from your posts that we seem to be at the same crossroads in life.

I want to leave my job as well. It's hard, but something keeps holding me back, maybe it's my determination to make it a whole year on the job before I leave :( What was it that you were working as though? I'm an assistant photographer.

I guess I can understand where this feeling of being lost comes from. Stay positive and take it as a venture into the amazing world of the unknown :)

Love,
May
http://lettersfrommay.wordpress.com

S.Elisabeth said...

Wow! I hope you find the work path you want to take. And I know what you mean "almost..." It always sounds better. "almost an adult" is better than "teenager". =)

Anna said...

i am so excited that you found my blog-- i feel as if we are destined to e-meet! {ok that was not supposed to sound as creepy as it did. but ya know what i mean.}

anywho, i love this post & i truly admire the fact that you are going with what you feel is right for you, while the world can be oh so pressuring.
& i especially admire the fact you write so honestly-- i sometimes hesitate in fears of what other's might "think". i am going to stop that & start writing what i really really want to write!
thank you. : )

oh & aren't little kids the best?! i love that you are close with your brother like i am with my little ones. they remind me what happiness means. : )

ok-sorry to have written a novel...
xo-

7upkels said...

I just saw that video, "the last day" and was thinking about the same thing! i am so glad you made a link to it!
ps. i say "almost" always too :)
pps. i really, really adore your blog.

Miss B said...

I have said "almost" about my age for a long time -- only because people were always freaking out about how young I was (compared to the age they generally assumed I was) -- but now that I am "almost" 29 perhaps it is time to stop that little habit, mmmm?

There is one person I think of, always, whenever my panic/anxiety issues are triggered (which is oftener than one might think, really) and I wonder if that is, in large part, what I will think of when I am dying, also.

I have been sick all week; I am still sick. I've taken two days off work, even. I get to hamster-sit for a co-worker's daughter's pet hamster for 10 or 12 days while they are on vacation. And one of my goldfish is suddenly missing an eye (I know!) -- I haven't seen this, as I haven't been in the office since Monday, but I am assured it is true. He apparently doesn't seem all that distressed about the situation. Perhaps he just really wants to be a pirate and wear a tiny little eye patch (note to self: how cute would my fish be wearing a tiny little eye patch?!)

With (non-infectious, because they are electronic and electricity is magic) kisses...

Indie.Tea said...

What an interesting question. I cannot think of what I'd remember. How many things - childhood birthday parties, graduation ceremonies - will we remember, not based on our memory of the event, but because we look at our photographs of them? That occured to me while I was watching the video...

SHOKOOFEH said...

oh Sara it's going crazily great. but you know there is nothing anticipated in our country. so we only have to wait until tomorrow!
but I am optimistic.
:)
wish us luck!

naturally nina said...

love love love this post. :) have a wonderful weekend!

Belle said...

You are the hopeful in my hopeless heart ♥ that is just gorgeous!! Beautiful images and quote/poem! And welldone for getting the courage to voice you want to resign!
Aw I hope your not too lonely without your boy there! I hate being away from mat!! Stay strong darling, he will be in your arms again soon!

(and I all the time say I am 21 and a half haha)
ALSO.... I am very jealous of your Mediterranean skin!!!! Mat is soooo brown and I am sooo red!! argh! xxxx

Mika said...

Love the poem girl and to answer your question......yes I'am really that blond. No hair paint but all from myself. My lil girl is just as blond as me (hahaah)

Have a great one this weekend. Mika (www.mikascrap.typepad.com)

BaTaBeeT said...

sometimes being in the "Almost" stage is way much better than being in the certain and for sure one.

Just make sure you're careful about everystep proceeding the "Almost"

Well this post is very inspiring, I loved the "I feel depressed I will sing......."

Nice blog, its my first visit here and I really love it.

SHOKOOFEH said...

Dear, I just sent you an email but I'm not sure that was sent to a correct address, please send me your email address. or let me know if you receive that.
thanks.

in company with sparkles said...

I love the print Sara! Congratulations on some changes and decusions. Is it a weight and burden lifted to have some of that taken care of?

I imagine that my last thoughts would be about my family, and about finally going to be with my God! And wondering if He will say "well done, good and faithful servant." What about you?
love,
Cait

Maria-Thérèse said...

Congratulations!!! Follow your heart and where your spirit leads you. Everything will be fine!

erin meagan said...

This is a great post. I say that I'm 'almost 16'.

Tadwina said...

مرحباً
لقد قام أحد المعجبين بمدونتك بإضافتها إلى تدوينة دوت كوم، بيت المدونات العربية.

قام فريق المحررين بمراجعة مدونتك و تصنيفها و تحرير بياناتها، حتى يتمكن زوار الموقع و محركات البحث من إيجادها و متابعتها.
يمكنك متابعة مدونتك على الرابط التالى:
http://www.tadwina.com/feed/358

يمكنك متابعة باقى مدونات تدوينة دوت كوم على الرابط التالى:
http://www.tadwina.com

لعمل أى تغييرات فى بيانات مدونتك أو لإقتراح مدونات أخرى لا تتردد فى الإتصال بنا من خلال الموقع.

و لكم جزيل الشكر،

فريق عمل تدوينة دوت كوم.
http://www.tadwina.com

Soné said...

great photo post :) just stunning!!!

Anne Nena said...

wow great poem !
And also thanks for commenting on my blog. And for all its worth I felt saying a quick prayer for you after I read your post. That all will be well :).

Much succes on your journey ahead !

a mouse said...

*beautiful wishes*
azure ray always makes everything better
doesnt it? xo