Friday, January 9, 2009

Stuff from Jeddah Days(and news!)

I am finally back home. I am happy to be home. I am home!

Last night, Mohammed took me to Beit el Harawy, a house that was first built in 1731 and has been added to and renovated until 1921 when Harawy Bek had left it, to meet a couple of his friends, one of which I don't really know (in person) yet is a very amazing and well known perscussionist; Hany Bedair.

Now, to the stuff I wrote in Jeddah:
  • I was reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being":
I am reading a book that is full of beauty, full of life and betrayal. I am reading a book that is full of new concepts and paradigms and words.
To me new words provide a new dimension to things, just like how a new paradigm gives you a new height, a new place from which to view the world.
I am thinking that maybe I should write all my entries here, in Jeddah as word documents and then post them in retrospect.
Retrospect this is on word I think is beautiful. Even if yearning and silly and is just an invitation to neurotic nostalgia; it still is a beautiful word. Under the influence of the unbearable lightness of being, the word thrusting comes to mind, Thrusting, with the sound that is associated with the word and the rhythm and the power! Thrusting! Thrusting, thrusting!

  • Then, I was just not in a good mood:
Once again, it is me against the world, once again I fear the reality of a hardcopy, the harshness of pen and paper in the absence of home.
My fingers are rough against my palm, the tension dense in the air. The tears are lining up, one after the other, along the corners of my eyes.
The days slipped away, and just like that, it is the end of the month- it’s the end of the year… A year I had spent with him, a year I wouldn’t be able to end with him. Now the tears fall, as the date grows: 27, 28, 29... Dave Matthews is crashing as I write, in the background, and in my heart, I crash…but not into anyone, I crash into a wall- who put that wall here?
Who gave you the right to scrutinize my life and put me under that microscope…I am no parasite. I am no micro-organism. I am a human being; complete, composed and my dreams colossal! My spirit is beyond what you would ever be able to see! And no, I wouldn’t allow you to look for yourself, you are going to listen to me, and whether you believe me or not remains your own choice, your own win/lose situation.
Everything is pointing me to that direction; directly or indirectly leading me to the conclusion of what I want to do, yet the decision doesn’t remain mine. It doesn’t. Sometimes, even for the shortest while, I feel weighed down and then I reconsider, I change my view…It is okay, there is no tying down, there is only a little distance that I would force on myself and so, should bear the consequences.

On another level, I got a job! At the Economic Research Forum! I am so happy...! The place is simply an old, pretty villa in Dokki, close to where I went to university. I love it.

1 comment:

Sara Abdel Azim said...

congrats S! =D w 7amdella 3al salama