Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Changes

Emotional times.

We visited my late grandfather's best friend on Sunday; such a great man...a great man who has so many interests and has witnessed a lot of changes and achieved a lot of things. This 70-something man cried. He cried when I told him he reminded me of his best friend, my best friend- my grandfather :)

Boyfriend issues have been solved. I hope for good.

I felt lonely. Scared. Scarred. Cold. Angry. I felt longing for the days when my grandfather was around. I felt hatred. Towards many things.

My therapy? Just anyone to tell me it's going to be okay. And my favourite bookshop.

I felt like I hated this body that I am stuck in. Like it didn't belong to me. No one asked me before I woke up to find this...I was perfectly normal. And suddenly...curves. Boobs and thighs and a round bottom...could someone have just asked? I would have prepared myself for that. I know it's strange for a twenty-two year old to say that- given that the day I am talking about was almost ten years ago...

I had to let this out. I hope you are having better days.

TODAY WAS JEN'S BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday beautiful :)

oh and my dad comes home today.

15 comments:

Ana from far away! said...

It will be ok! One day long time ago I also woke up and had all those curves. I still feel weird about them. Hope you feel better soon!

Chloé said...

aww, it will be alright sara! hang in there! you are gorgeous and beautiful. i know how ya feel though, why don't we get a choice eh? anyway, keep your chin up! you are loved!!

Nahla said...

i love how random u r :)
and ur style in writing is just gr8
<3
keep holding on (:

Sanchez said...

Everything will be alright.
Because we all love you <3

I know how you feel. Urgh, I wish they just asked too.

Selma said...

It will all be alright!!! Sara, I hear you. My best friend was my grandmother. I learned from my emotional times, that these times are needed...whether it is right there and then, or ten years later. And your therapy sounds just perfect!! Consider yourself hugged!

Shokoofeh said...

Hugs. Big hugs my beautiful. xo

Chivalrous Clan said...

I was a tom-boy in childhood. No one ever guessed i was a girl. And i almost went through the same feelings as you did years ago.

(Interestingly) It was so embarrassing for me to dress like a girl for the first time. lol.. i can laugh at that day today...

chicknamedhermia said...

I'm sorry about your grandpa ...it's always going to hurt a little and you will always miss him, but it will be much easier to handle as time goes on *hug*

Also I'm so glad the boyfriend stuff is sorting itself out!!

And I was only saying to The Boy last night that I feel I've only gone through that puberty business during the last year. I had a straight-down, lanky figure up until last Christmas, and I looked at myself yesterday and realised I has womanly curves and actual boobs ...not really sure about it all, lol! (yes I'm also 22)

missy. said...

boyfriend issues are solved for good hm? update?

happy birthday jen!

Ju said...

Maybe few more sleeps and things will change, your perception of things will. You're too young and beautiful to worry about these curves you seem so concerned. So here are some hugs and xx.

Randi Lee said...

If only I were having a better day! I've been in a wretched mood since yesterday. I'm determined to get out of this funk. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow, no tropical depression can steal our sun away!

Hope you're feeling sunnier today!

Mohammed J. said...

i miss your blog.
And yes for good :). Trust me this time.
Only be there for me.
You are perfectly figured. You are loved that way and will always be loved all the same in any figure you please.
I love you Sara El-Sayeh.

Kristin said...

I remember when I realized that my hips were here to say. Sigh. Hope you're having a better day now!

Mika said...

Hang on girl. Mika

Belle said...

I hope your ok darling! You are such an amazing and inspirational person. I'm sending you a big cuddle from aus. Lots of love beautiful xxx