A Decade Already?

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I wrote a review of 2009 but then I thought I shouldn't post it. I think I should leave the year behind. I overall don't like 2009 but I have to give it some credit! I reunited with family, I am a graduate student. Ups and downs with boyfriend.

Mohammed, Menna, Sondos and Wessam started their own blogs.
I met GREAT bloggers!

I got paid for the first time in my life. I embraced my red heels. My cousin got engaged and the other one is almost married. I cut all my hair off. And I stopped dying it so you can see all the greyness. I acquired some really bad habits (especially being the health freak I am) I stopped working out.

Resolutions? I want to spend more time around older people, and younger people. I want to try new things, and stumble and fall and learn (inspired by the younger) and I want to learn from what other people have gone through (older people)

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I want to travel. And I want to explore my beautiful country.

I still catch myself saying "when I grow up" I just did that now..I was telling my brother "when I grow up, I'll take you to Switzerland" he said "when's that going to be?" In a witty, sarcastic tone.

I am not sure when it is that I want to get married, I know this is a matter of fate and all that.

I still cry when I think of my grandfather. I rarely ever watch television anymore and I am not as addicted to the internet..but I am addicted to farmville! I have attended great concerts in 2009 and I am intending on attending more.

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I will explore the world more now. And I will remember that you are only blind to things if you chose not to see them with your heart. I will write more. And I will believe in myself more. I will leave my cloud and come back to earth every now and then. I will take better photos! Thank you camera for being a good one!

You know what? My dad GROUNDED me yesterday and took my sim card away. Now seriously...I'll just let him exercise some power on me. I know it will pay off later on...Even though I wanted to shout "I am twenty-freaking-two, I shouldn't be even living with you!!" I just looked at him, calm and composed "okay...yes...ok, here's my phone." I know, I know..I am looking at the bright side of things..

I hope you all have a great new year, and if you are intending on drinking, don't drive PLEASE! And don't text or call any exes. Drink enough water when you go back home. Or on the 1st. If you are staying in (like yours truly!) suggest some movies?

On Brilliance

On the fourth of March would be my bloggiversary! I am kind of excited. I have made a lot of friends during the past 9 months. I have received a lot of gifts and cards and love, and I have sent love but not enough gifts and cards. Shame on me!

Is it resolution time yet? I think it is. But then as Randi said, I am in a rut- and everything I think or do or say is influenced by that...so it scares me.  am too scared to make resolutions. And I can't even write in my journal! But since I didn't have a Christmas wishlist... I have one wish that I would have realized very soon!

I have always wanted to own one of these gorgeous pieces!
Aya El Rakhawy, is a lovely designer!

wearing her own design (earrings)

In our culture, the Kaf, is very significant...and I think it makes a beautiful addition to "oriental" jewelery!

A few examples of her brilliant pieces:

That little hand is the kaf! The Kaf and the blue eye and blue in general is believed to keep away the evil eye. I don't know if such beliefs are essentially Bedouin, or routed to the fellahin, or overall Egyptian. But you just find them all over traditional Egyptian jewelery.

Don't you just love this ring?

The one in the middle is my initial! I love these!

So I am going to spoil myself for new years and buy me some of her designs! There's no point of saving up, really...If any of you want to join me please do!! Here's a link to the event.

Maybe I just need to spoil myself. I have a very strong desire to be alone, but then I know that's never good...GAH!

What are your new year's resolutions?

What do you think of her designs?

A First at Twenty-Two

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I am doing my commenting as I write this!
I've had a very...weird weekend. And none of it was planned.

Thursday morning I wake up at 10, and my father was getting ready to go get some paper work done (we got a new car) so I join him in hopes of renewing my passport..which I ended up not doing but oh well.

We head towards the citadel then my dad suddenly decides he wants me to drop him off and go meet his cousin, her fiance and a couple of their friends alone. So I do it, willingly...

I take them to Ibn Tulun, and they are very nice people!! The last time I'd seen my dad's cousin was about 10 years ago- if not more! After that we head to Khan Khalili, my dad joins us...then leaves me, again, behind. But I enjoyed it a lot!!

After they finish their shopping I offer to drop them off in Maadi and I was invited to join then for Christmas dinner. I spend the evening with my dad's cousins, their sons and friends..I loved it!! This means I have 4 cousins added to my extended family!

As I was getting ready to leave, my cousin asks if I can drop him off at another cousin's place, and I do, he gives me his number and leaves...3 minutes later I call him "please come to the side street...now" and I am shaking! I am shaking so hard...I didn't know what to think or how to react...I crashed into a guy on a scooter- head on...

It was ugly. My first accident...

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And people were gathering...all against me. I was wrong, but so was he- the guy on the scooter. He's fine. It was a long, long night. But I made friends with my cousins.  The next day they call me up to check up on me...and my head is all confused. I still am confused. And I am begging for my clarity. (boyfriend was there for me...)

Thank you all for your comments...I really, really, really appreciate them! I promise. I know you care. I want you to know that I care too!

Dot Dot Dot

I don't know if I am depressed.
Or if it is a lack of productivity..
Maybe it's the fact that nothing lasts...because honestly...nothing lasts.

Forever is a lie.

I am anxiously waiting for my grades and my pessimism is not helping...I need to talk to someone I don't know. Maybe they won't judge...they won't have a bias...or a pre-analytical view of whatever it is I am saying.

I am sorry to be writing such negative thoughts on Christmas eve...but hey! Merry Christmas everyone!!
It was my cousin's engagement party last night and the photos are on my sister's camera
(my sister always misplaces her things)

My semester officially ended as of Monday, you'd think I should be happy..I don't seem to figure out why I am not. But oh well...

I'm back.
Not "me" but back

Kolena Laila كلنا ليلي

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(We are all Layla..or Laila. If I had to choose a name, I would choose Baheyya. The name that represents Egypt.)

You see, there's this girl in my head that I envy. I envy her for her parents allowing her to travel with her friends, and her boyfriend.

A girl I envy for going to do her masters abroad.

A girl I envy for going on an AIESEC internship.

A I envy for her comfort she finds in her own skin.

A girl I envy for so many things.

For her slim figure maybe, or her ability to not conform to the pressure. I envy so many girls for so many things really.

All the girls are not me.

I don't know what I am envied for, really. But I have one thing to complain about- my lack of freedom. My lack of freedom to choose, or to go away, the lack of freedom to travel. And the reason? Over protective parents maybe? Or ones that are tied by societal shackles, no matter how outdated they are.

I can also complain about the eyes I find following me as I walk down the streets.

I don't know if, in that, I am taking part in the way to a better society...but complaining about things is a start right?

I asked Dr. Ali Hadi and Dr. Abdel Aziz Ezz El Arab yesterday whether they see potential in our generation, they both said yes. Coming from two great men that's something huge!! They said we have the practical means that no one had before.

I said but we lack the dream.

Please dream. Please!

The Some(sum) in the Whole(hole)

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My head is a very strange place. And it has dark corners and secret hide-outs...

It has memories so clear and ones that I'd rather forget. I'd rather forget many, many things. I sometimes think if that would mean that I would have chosen to be someone else if the choice was to be mine..

Would I? Would you?

People pay attention to the wrong words. They do...
That's the point though, to hide the meaningful amongst a pile of meaningless...and it would only stand out to those who matter. To those who deserve to see it. It would reveal itself and you need not make the slightest effort.

You see? Do you?

Is it liberating to meditate? Or is liberation in itself an act of meditation- detachment. Sand, sea, pen and paper. Sun- or not. Just a mind that is de-cluttering... clouds disappearing and finally; clarity.

Is it clear? Is it possible?

I wish I were free...and that you were too. I think of how we would act in such freedom. In a lack of obligations. In total abstraction. Do you ever think how that would feel like and how that could be? To float?

Books that you should read

I have book recommendations:

1. Whatever happened to the Egyptians?- Galal Amin
2. Whatever else happened to the Egyptians?- Galal Amin
3. Beer in the Snooker Club- Waguih Ghali
4. Season of Migration to the North- Tayeb Salih

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1 and 2 are non-fiction and they are translated from Arabic, Galal Amin is a prominent Egyptian economist...it's on amazon though. I enjoyed reading them a lot. The explain why my society is how it's like today- it's a bit too realistic for my taste, however.

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Beer in the Snooker Club was written in English, by an Egyptian Copt who lived in England and eventually commit suicide in 1969. You can view it as an autobiography in disguise. It's a beautiful book!!

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Season of Migration to the North is based in Sudan and it tells the story of a man going through identity crisis if I may say, al Tayeb Salih passed away earlier this year and the book was translated soon after (or at least I began seeing the translated copy soon after!)

Well, I know these aren't the books an average reader would read but they provide insight to a society...they're not an "Alexandria Quartet" sort of thing.. Beer in the Snooker Club and Season of Migration to the North make great Christmas gifts too!

Bits and bits!

I lost a follower today.

I didn't attend the concert in Alexandria, but I am attending the one here in Cairo!! It's tomorrow at the Sawy Culturewheel in Zamalek for all those who are in Cairo. Please come! Concert is at 8 pm.

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I have met the guys- briefly (Autostrad band from Jordan) and it was the first time for me to meet any Jordanians... I wanted to ask how different it was to live under monarchical rule but thought it would be very awkward of me. To just randomly ask that.

So yes, I know all I write about now is university stuff- but I got my study questions today and....UHHH I have a ton of readings to do for my economics final.

I need the proper credits for this! here

I'll be back to proper posting after the 20th, yay? January is almost here!!! Liz is coming! Oh so very excited!


Inspiration! via here.

Relationship Question: is age just a number? What about religion....and nationality? Values, culture and beliefs?

Bullets!

• I am almost entirely disconnected from the internet world...well apart from my farm..on farmville that is- not ashamed to admit that!!
• I have a final on the 20th and a paper to submit on the 19th. My thoughts? I am scared. Because I want As...I am scared. Very, very scared.
• But my uncle Steve reminded me today- that you are in control of your own happiness.."remember Godot" he said! I have a very wise family, you see! I have 3200 words to write in a week...doable?
• I miss going out with my friends.
• I miss my blog. I miss you, fellow bloggers! 
• I have one Christmas card left to send.
• I miss Alexandria. I've had grilled fish two days in a row today!

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beautiful Alexandria- my own photo.

How is everyone? Let me know!! I need your good luck wishes...I do.

Because it is all a puzzle afterall

Meet my best friend... Menna . New to the blogging world.

I don't know if you can tell- or if I can tell for that matter- how and why we're best friends. It just is. You know things that just are?

Yes, it just is.

I've been very busy with uni work. And it's very, very hectic- but I procrastinate...a lot. I've also been busy adjusting to the fact that my father now lives with us. It's a bit weird. And a bit of a burden to be honest. Because it's one more person at the top of the hierarchy but it's okay. He's my father and I love him.

I've been mistaken for my mother in one of the photos of her as an 18 year old (maybe) and it was a serious shock for me. I know I look like my mother's side of the family- but not like my mother!

click to enlarge.

I am obviously craving salmon maki....and sashimi. The boyfriend has this big concert today with a Jordanian band who I am very looking forward to meet!!! I'll get him to post about it here (to make up for my lack of posting)

that's the event's poster...

Is it just my account that won't let me upload pictures through URLs?

My Sister

As a thirteen year old, I think I wanted clothes and CDs for my birthday and maybe a book or two. My sister is such an airhead!

We're forcing her to read (Twilight...) My other sister and I  (we're the older two of the bunch) are going to buy her the books...instead of Jonas brothers blah blah.

Thirteen is such an awkward age.

I am sorry about my last post..

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How is everyone counting down till Christmas? I should be sending my cards today :)

Changes

Emotional times.

We visited my late grandfather's best friend on Sunday; such a great man...a great man who has so many interests and has witnessed a lot of changes and achieved a lot of things. This 70-something man cried. He cried when I told him he reminded me of his best friend, my best friend- my grandfather :)

Boyfriend issues have been solved. I hope for good.

I felt lonely. Scared. Scarred. Cold. Angry. I felt longing for the days when my grandfather was around. I felt hatred. Towards many things.

My therapy? Just anyone to tell me it's going to be okay. And my favourite bookshop.

I felt like I hated this body that I am stuck in. Like it didn't belong to me. No one asked me before I woke up to find this...I was perfectly normal. And suddenly...curves. Boobs and thighs and a round bottom...could someone have just asked? I would have prepared myself for that. I know it's strange for a twenty-two year old to say that- given that the day I am talking about was almost ten years ago...

I had to let this out. I hope you are having better days.

TODAY WAS JEN'S BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday beautiful :)

oh and my dad comes home today.