Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A Lack of Colo(u)r

I have been struggling to find something to write for the past few days. Really hard. And I realized that I am not writing this for the comments, nor for the popularity.
I am writing this for me. And for you. Maybe we'll learn something out of this.

I am scared.
I don't want life to pass me by...I don't want to wake up one day and realize that there are more wrinkles round my eyes, that my hair is more grey than anything.

I am too scared to wake up and realize that I don't know who I am...that I turned out to be someone else, not the person I had intended to be.

Does anyone else ever feel that way? Is it just me? am I too old for this?
I wanted you to know that I also write here along with five beautiful ladies.

I am also scared I have lost my words. I never want to lose my words.
There are certain questions in my head that I would rather leave unanswered, because the possibility of an answer I don't like kills me.

I am not depressed, just confused.

Any signs of Spring where you live? Blog about it! Please?


ali said...

Virtual hugs to you. I am feeling the same way right now, as you know.
I am also scared that my words my vanish one day, thank god for my journals. :)

Winnie said...

I think everyone can relate to this. For sure, life is so full of uncertainties that I worry that I won't achieve what I want to achieve in life. I suppose the beauty of life is that you don't know what's around the corner and that everthing is one step at a time!

defining amy said...

i can TOTALLY relate. i think the secret for me is learning to love me. not the perfect, idealized version of me. but the person i am not, the person i may become, and the person i may never become. that's hard to do.

defining amy said...

i meant the person i am NOW. :)

tiana lachelle said...

I think about it all the time, but I can't really say that I'm worried about it.
There's so much more to life than any of us could probably imagine.

Dinah. said...

heeeeeeeeeem =(
I missed you. so much.
that I thought tumblr is enticing the bloggers I love from my dashboard.
and oh darling, you're not alone too.
I have my own fears too.
and Spring is lovely. just as much as YOU x

Simply Me said...

i recently saw " Remember Me " and if you havent seen it yet ..i suggest you watch it ..it sends out a powerful message abt life's uncertainities and how one should treasure every moment ..
though i agree with you , i also believe its only you who can change the way you're feeling too ..
so * hugs * to you girl .. hope u'll feel bttr soon !!

Anonymous said...

yeah i know that feeling .. i relate to it specially these days every single hour that passes me by ..

i look in the mirror and i look through the glass ..to see a reflection of me .. that to some extend is not identified ..

i thought i am someone ..and time revealed that after a lot of the Material world ..am someone else ..

..and spring aint here .. yet !

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Nikolett said...

You definitely have to write for yourself, first and foremost. It's your place, a place to reveal how you feel ... and, like others, I can relate, too. I already have tons of wrinkles around my eyes, although I guess if you can associate them with smiling a lot, then you have lived a happy life. I'm scared, too, that life will just pass by, I guess you just have to make the most of each day :)

And I'll for sure blog about spring weather once I get to enjoy it!

Anonymous said...

I hate the times that I feel like this! I was going to tell you to head over to Ali in Wonderland's blog cos she's having a similar problem, but I see she was your first comment, lol! It'd still do you guys good to have a wee chat about it!

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Anonymous said...

Hi. Just found your blog as i blog hopped today. THAT quote was one of the most beautiful and meaningful quotes i've ever read. Thank you so much for sharing.

No, life will not pass you by because you're thinking about it so much. Just take a nap. You'll surely feel less stressed. Hope you feel really good soon :)

Jodes said...

this is most definitely true.
i'm on the verge of a new relationship possibility, moving home and having to confront my life path - it's so scary that sometimes i just curl up and would rather not think and not plan and not live because it's easy. but i know the woman i would like to be and i'm trying to become her. mu biggest fear is mostly that in a few years i will look back and wish i had become someone else.

thanks for your always honest and raw posts.
you being you is a lovely gift.
i hope you gain some clarity and wisdom, sweets!

Shokoofeh said...

I am sure that if I am in the right place in my life, it would be great. No matter with winkles or without.

... But if I weren't...? That would be horrible I know.

I miss chatting with you Sara.

Farah said...

Hugs to you my dear sis! Don't worry you are not the only one feeling this way. This year I am turning 24 and I am quite literally freaking out. It's like I'm having a quarter life crisis a year early. I don't really know how to deal with this, but I ma hoping that things just magically work out. Hoping and praying. *fingers crossed*

Miss B said...

Bah! That is what I have to say about Spring. Bah!!!

Yes, yes, it's all spring-like here and the trees are blooming and it's getting too warm to wear wool coats and blah, blah, blah. I did not get any proper winter at all this year, and therefore I am boycotting spring entirely. I'm already dreading what will most certainly be an early and long and overly-warm summer. Bah!

If only I lived somewhere where all I got was 6 months of autumn and 6 months of winter, every year. That would be the most perfect of all perfect worlds. *sigh*

alissa said...

spring is popping up right and left here, feels like everyone is coming out of hybernation!
i think everyone that writes goes through periods where they cant write - just nothing coming. and then there will be nights where you're flooded that will more than make up for it!

Penny Lane said...

well, these days, i've been feeling just like that. I feel time goes too fast, and i am afraid i forget this when i'm trying to live.
But i really enjoyed that quotation. we have to love ourselves on the way we are, and be there for each other, because, after all, that's all we can do, it's a lot.
being there,

Penny Lane ♥

Abby Kihano said...

thats so true! sometimes, i dont blog because i feel like people won't like it. and then the whole commenting back too is ahhh too much. anyway, this is so true... we should love ourselves more. besides, we owe it to ourselves.

Abby Kihano said...

oh and used the picture for my blog.

Eci si Cami said...

We are all confused our way!
With a little patience and morale rid of all!
Me and my family are honored to read your blog so nice!
Greetings with respect!

Stephanie said...

I love the quote. And it's sunny and a little windy where I live! But apparently it's also suppose to rain this week as well?! :/

ali said...

Guess what? I borrowed A History of Love by Nicole Krauss, just because I remember you talking about it before. So far I really enjoy it.

Ruxandra said...

I can totally realte to this...I wish i could help, but i am struggling with it too.
Spring is slowly settling here...Have a lovely weekend!

Taylor said...

I really love your blog! I can relate to this too, and I think a lot of people out there worry that they won't get to do all the things they have always dreamed of during their lifetime. I always think about this. Keep on keeping on!

And count me in as a new follower, I do love your blog. :)

Americanising Desi said...

i can relate to your feelings because i dont have the best of relationships with myself - i m trying to fit in - but somehow i lack something!

just trying and i hope things work out for you to clear your confusion!

as for spring - where i m at it already is SUMMER ... SCORCHING SUMMER