The Girl With Unruly Hair

Influence could be on all levels possible, on every plane there could ever be. From as shallow as blow drying your hair every morning just to look like the rest, with hair that's in place- even if not perfectly- to PDA( also known as public display of affection *winks*).

Ever since my freshman year, when I had been the hair hippie, when everyone else would make use of their curling irons every morning. Each month into my college/university/higher education experience would bring me closer to split ends and damaged hair and the need to trim every now and then.

Yet, now, as I graduate, I'm back where I belong to, I am back to who I have always been and who I was always meant to be; the girl with unruly hair.

The Hair Hippie who has hair that still looks good.

Healthy.



Yes, I have to admit, that as my education experience is (almost) coming to an end, I am more and more in touch with myself, with my roots.

My grounds.

I am realizing, bit by bit, who I really am. And, no this is no quarter life crisis.

Crisis who?

I am Home.

Where everything is realistic and still has that taste of me, that glimpse of me; The Optimist.

Because yes, it can be bright and rose-y and sunny and splendid.



Dream big. Because that's the way it was meant to be.

Dream.

Don't just dream; DREAM BIG and never undermine those dreams.

They do come true. That energy within you, the force a desire creates, it drives you towards your dreams, and it makes you find ways to make them come true.

All it takes is for you to believe.

So, believe.

Ramblings of the Let Down

As I was reading Amr Khaled's blog this morning, it hit me..
I came to the realization that I would openly use English curse words and wouldn't mind hearing them, yet ,at the incident of someone using a nArabic curse word, I would cringe...my stomach would literally flip. I jus tthink they're the most vulgar thing in the world. Despite it being my mother-tongue, I don't use them.

Having mentioned Amr Khaled, it automatically brings me to mention my long lost dream of being an author and how much i whine about it and do nothing about it all the same.Maybe this year...

Maybe after I graduate, which I am in a few months...

THIS in turn brings me to the one thing that has been densely bothering me the past few days; my grades- last term's grades. Out of all 7 terms, I have studied so much this last one, I have attended all classes, taken a ton of notes, you'd automatically expect me to get As, yes? NO! Welcome to the land of study your ass off and fail! Do all the work you can and should do and get nothing in return...just because you don't cheat. It's not my fault that I chose to do this the "clean"way in a land of "dirty", the country I sincerely love. Home.

Let me down.

Again.

Will discuss the book later though!

Stuff

On Facebook:

I've been thinking whether facebook is an addiction, the fluff friends, the events, the pictures and the groups, it's so much bigger than MySpace ( and alot more time consuming). Which brings me to this; the boyfriend's band fanpage! please check them out. Being an Economics senior, graduating in almost two months, I should be spending ALOT more time doing school work, yet, I'm egg hunting on facebook instead.

I use it for critique every now and then, whenever I post a piece. I have to admit the merits of facebook,; well at least to me, I've gotten more in touch with the alternative scene here in Egypt, or if you would like to call it; the independant...the much beloved INDIE.

On my journey to become a grown-up:

I don't expect anyone to know this, but I have always had a great affinity to growing up, I've cultivated and nourished a phobia along the years, physically and inevitably growing

up, with such a strong and increasing resistance to mentally growing up. Until one day, it all

became clear to me, I have to grow up- eventually.

I refuse to grow-up still, I chose to GROW and just that, grow; limitlessly.

At twenty, I do admit it's a bit hard; having to remind myseld to be independant, to think before I act, to act responsibly...I fail repeatedly, and over and over again; I try.

Sraps I found!

Exhibit A:
My AIESEC Elections Speech (3 years ago):

In his book, "The Alchemist", Paolo Coelho wrote; "There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible. Fear of failure". Only now, out of experience, that I believe so much in this.

During the past few days, I was this close to giving up on the life-changing experience this one is. I have talked to my friends about it, I was worried about not having a plan and not being good enough- I was basically procrasitnating; one thing I'm really good at!

But AIESEC taught me to believe in myself and to have a vision; my own version of "peace and fulfillment of humankind's potential"- I have a purpose.

Even if it is a vague one, not yet really specific...

But I know one thing;

Once I get this position (if I do), I will make this my mini-vision; as specific and to the point as can be.

Exhibit B:

My language AS notes (5 years ago)

"No, I don't think anyone should be given the right to carry a weapon for self-defence, because that would be as if we're telling people to kill. And turning a country or the whole world to nothing but a sinful bloody grave that does more harm to the living than it does to the dead. I wouldn't want to live in such a plague and I certainly don't think anyone would want to"

"When the occupation is from your own fellow Egyptians; it's unbearable. Egypt has been occupied for so long; by foreigners until a radical change- 1954 to be occupied by a local occupant, to be oppressed by a ruler of the same origin, same Egyptian blood.

Controlled by fake democracy and make-believe fairness- "for the people's good". When the identity is deformed , and minds hypnotized, brainwashed with dictator-ideas. When the Egyptian is turned into a cowardly being that won't resist injustice, that would avoid "problems"" through bribary and lies- corruption. When human rights are violated by the authorities and civil rights denied. When freedom is a crime.

I hear her calling, crying for help and the screams are getting louder, I'm coming, oh beloved homeland! I'm here, and I won't remain silent, no fear will be planted in this mind of mine. "

The Choice

There comes a time in your life, when you make the choice that is of your least liking- trying to please.

Out of fear.

Out of tendrills of a past of being a good girl, of "yes, mom"s and dominated, forced agreements.

There comes a time in your life when the only place you want to be is anywhere but where you actually are.

There comes a time in your life when you give up on the belief of giving yourself away to the first person who comes along, just to get away from here, and a time when that changes; when the right person comes along.

But Mr.Right can't take you away now, not in a year, not in two, yet you most willingly wait.

I made the choice of staying behind when all I want to do is be there and it hurts! It hurts real bad, beyond belief.

Maybe I am a dramaqueen, but forgive me for caring too much.

Forgive me for having a future that is undefined, for not planning ahead, for not being consistant. Forgive me for not insisting, forgive me for the bad things I am.

Forgive.

For- Give.

For-Get

Irony?

My Favorite Links

Let me start this but not introducing myself- but rather introducing my favorite links; places I regularly visit on the web...sources of inspiration!

1. jr__nal
2. Embodiment
3. Doc-u-menting
4. Wish-Jar
5. iCiNG

I don't know if I've mentioned them all...

Till next time