Saturday the 18th

Saturday the 18th of February, 2012 was a very important day in my life. It was my graduate commencement!

There is one moment that I would very much like to share with you. Or maybe more, I guess

Moment number 1: (before the commencement) Seeing my mother and sister and brother coming and how my brother looked at me, like he doesn't know me. Like he's seeing another me (in a good way)

Moment number 2: (before the commencement) My father came outside to where we were waiting and the photographer took a picture of us, my dad kissing me on the cheek, and the photographer said, think of me when you show this picture at your wedding.

Moment number 3: After we marched to the hall, I looked behind me, and there they were, almost an entire row filled with people I love so much, people I know love me back. Genuinely. And I felt so blessed! SO BLESSED! It makes me cry a little. (also in a good way) There they were, my mother, my father, my two sisters, my brother, my fiance, my cousin, and my best (BEST) friend.

Pictures?

My Cousin Got Married!

I don't mean to stay away from the blog for that long, ever.

I wrote a couple of unpublished posts because there were just me complaining about things. And I don't like to spread my negative energy, really.

On Friday, my cousin got married. And he made such a handsome groom! His bride was so beautiful. It was a small intimate wedding with around 150 people attending, and to me, it felt like it was Amr's birthday and not wedding. It was so surreal!

I love my cousins!

And I love the feeling of entering a place where my entire family is and hug two round tables full (and almost a third one) full of people. It's beautiful to have a big family, it really is a blessing.

Obviously, I wasn't trying to be artistic at all, I just wanted to capture that moment, with my cousin's big smile, and my father dancing with his bride. I am so happy for him!!

Here's what I looked like, perfect posture, I know, also, caution: Wet floor. You have to admit my boyfriend is also an artist.

I was so tired!

So very tired, it was such an exhausting day, please give me that?

Patience and Passion

I have been talking to a lot of people of what I have come to realise over the past year or so.

I have been making lists of big bad things that have happened to me over the past ten years, and how these things have helped me grow into the person I am to day.

I am thankful, so very thankful!

here

I had this argument with my father earlier this month and he asked me to make a list of five things that I had wanted him to do for me as I grew up, and I couldn't really think of anything...I mean, I remember incidents when I thought I could never forgive my father for having done that. The most memorable example being when he wouldn't send me out of the country so I could study genetics for my bachelors degree.

Today, these things don't seem to matter much to me. And that is a lesson I have learnt solely from my argument with my father. Things might seem huge at one point in time, but later on, maybe a year or two from then..they won't matter at all.

Don't make a big deal out of life not going your way. Some things are meant to happen for you, and if they are, they will happen sooner or later. I am not saying that you shouldn't work for what you want, you just need to be patient. Only that.

You need to be passionate and patient.

And the light within you will grow brighter and brighter, and you will shine. You will shine and lead the way for yourself. You will lead the way for others.

My best friend writes puzzles.

I Wrote This For You: The Book [Part 4: Rain]

Reading Rain has been quite the experience.

It has stirred up feelings of reassurance; reassurance that no matter what people might think - people I no longer speak to for any reason - no matter how they try to label me, or affect my energy, I am who I think I am, I am who I make of myself. I have no regrets.

here

I am here, and I will be for as long as I can. And, I will make this world a better place.

You know why? Because I was given my hope and faith back to me as I was reading "The Angel of Almost" or maybe it made me realize that one day I am going to run out of tomorrows, so I may as well just start today.

Because I have a lot to give, and that really is what being gifted is. Because I hate "almost"s and I will not give up, I will keep trying harder and harder, and when I feel like crying, I know that the weeping willow is crying my tears for me, and when it is no longer considered a distraction, I will allow myself to cry.

"if there is one thing I hate, it's having to acknowledge that my feelings are my own, no one else's. And, my responsibility."

And I will touch you over and over. Even if you don't understand what it is I am doing. I like the feeling of your skin, it reminds me that I am human, and that I am alive. It reminds me that you are real. And that this is actually happening, that yes, it is you, and that I have found you. It reminds me that I am thankful.

So the next time you ask me "what are you doing?" when I touch your forehead, or cheek, or hair, or palm, I will finally have an answer!

"This is how I love. This is how I love. This is how I love."

Rain is about beauty, the beauty we forget a lot (And not sometimes). Rain is about the world, because the world is beautiful. It is quite simple. Really.

"Because only a hard heart shatters.

Only a hard heart breaks."

May you find the softness in your heart, I hope you smile more and love more. I hope you give more. And you shall never be heart broken. May you always remember that it takes one bad ending for a beautiful beginning to be written.

May we always remember that we need no permission to do something, let alone something great. May we all remember that it is only natural for us to care.

"Perhaps that somewhere is here.

Perhaps that someone, is you."

Yes the time is now. Don't write it down. Just say it/start it/do it.

I wish I had known all this every time I argued with my parents as a teenager, or the one time my younger sister (my only sister at the time) told me she hated me, I wish I knew she didn't mean it as a child. I wish I knew at the time my grandfather pushed me away when I was trying to hug him that one last time, that he didn't do it out of anger or hate, he was only breathing his last breaths. I wish I knew so many things as I cried. 

What I know is, though, that it is all going to be okay. Because I have grown, and I have grown to know. And I forgive everyone, and I forgive myself. 

"Everyone and everything lives on inside you." It has almost been ten years since I lost someone very dear to me to a heart attack, and I watched it happen and I knew it was happening. A fourteen year old me, however, thought that the world was ending, that life will not go on from there. But I have him with me everywhere I go. He lives on. Inside me.

"That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day is you match it."

I'll be the sun. And you be the rain (because rain is beautiful)

We can always switch places, since there are days when I won't feel up to it. And you will be the sun.

Rain made me cry.

I promise that I will feel everything I could. I promise.

(Only if you promise to read the book)

You can also read: Sun, Moon and Stars.

I Wrote This For You: The Book [Part 3: Stars]

At first glance, we might all seem crazy.
Or maybe we are. We do things for reasons that make sense to us, reasons that might not necessarily make sense to anyone else.

At first glance, we might all seem like we lead a simple life.
But what might seem simple to you might be killing someone else.

When we look up at the sky, we see stars everywhere.
I spot a shooting star and I giggle. You see one that is shining brighter than the others. We see one bigger star and wonder what its name is.

What we don't see is where these stars are today. We see stars for what they were, hundreds..or thousands...or millions of years ago.

Stars burn. But we cannot see that.

"...You could never tell the difference between the mood you were in, and me."


This is what we all should see, this is the only thing we need to remember. I shouldn't make you miserable just because I feel comfortable around you.

Stars are pretty, they guide us, and they always have...but they are, at the end, one of the many tricks of the universe.

Stars are the break up you will always remember. Regardless of whether it was you that hurt, or if it was you that was hurt. What matters, really, is that you have learnt.

"There's no revenge here. Love doesn't hate back."


If only I could get everyone to understand this, and read this. If only I could buy the book for everyone I have ever hurt, and for everyone that has ever hurt me. Maybe it will all be okay, maybe they'll realize it. And then the world would be a better place.


"...I was here, I felt, I lived and I loved as much as I could, while I could. And that the person that I loved, was you."


That is the same nagging feeling I get everyday when I am just about to sleep. My need to live on long after I am gone. Long after I have stopped seeing people, when I graduate, when I change jobs....I have the nagging need, tugging at my insides, to be remembered.

Stars is heartbreaking. It left me speechless. (And it made me cry)