Friday, August 24, 2012

Birthday Musings: Part II: On Existing in Parentheses

My previous post had the title "Birthday Musings: Part I" and this means I need to write, at least, a part II. So here I am, trying to find something to write. You see, I am not the person who schedules posts, this is not a chore for me, this is not my job. I write a blog for the sake of writing a blog...I also write a blog because I have met so many great people through blogging.

It has changed me somehow, and it was part of my "growing up" process.

I don't mean to sound like a hippie when I say that I don't like the term "growing up." To me, ultimately, a person should grow in all possible directions, and "growing up" implies restricting the growth process upwards. Yes, "up" does imply an elevation, but that in itself limits you to the notion that you are only better if you are higher up - which I refuse to believe is always the case.

Wanting to grow in all the different direction has, however, acted as a distraction - it has distracted me from growing up altogether, I am afraid. (I do have a fear of growing up) I tend to forget that there is a huge difference between growing up and growing old. There is nothing wrong with both, mind you; you can grow old while preserving the lightness of being young.

That, in itself, is a huge misconception, I have come to realise. Being young can, in so many ways, be burdensome - I have for the most part felt burdened by the need to stay young. The fear has weighed me down and it has stopped me from realising so many things that I have grown to associate with being a "grown up"

I have, as a result, developed the tendency to exist in parentheses.

I am about to turn a certain age, yet, in parentheses, I maintain the attention span of a five year old, I think of so many things and say them, write them, think them in parentheses; the result? I rarely ever do anything about them. I believe it is because I associated being young with being a dreamer and not a doer. People who do things are grown-ups, that's why it is always "when I grow up, I'll do this and that"

But I am a grown up!

The point is: my obsession with growing up has stopped me from doing so many things, it has acted as an obstacle rather than a drive for me to do things. My parallel existence (in parentheses) did not really nurture my actual existence. Being a dreamer - a daydreamer is one thing, and actually realising those dreams is not another thing - they go together.

(I will continue to use parentheses, and articulate thoughts within them. I just realised that what lies within them still exists, it is still there, it's still being thought, and said, and written. And, that shouldn't stop them from being done.)


Rathi said...

Ah! Sara. Thank you. Thank you.

Barry said...

..."up" does imply an elevation, but that in itself limits you to the notion that you are only better if you are higher up - which I refuse to believe is always the case.

Love this line!

I've always been afraid of growing up, I'm very much a child at heart and even at my age now, just slightly double yours, I'm in serious denial.

Happy Birthday Sara!

Amy K said...

I love this post and I love your blog! What do you think about following each other?

Much Love,

P.S. Hope you had a good birthday!