Birthday Musings: Part II: On Existing in Parentheses

My previous post had the title "Birthday Musings: Part I" and this means I need to write, at least, a part II. So here I am, trying to find something to write. You see, I am not the person who schedules posts, this is not a chore for me, this is not my job. I write a blog for the sake of writing a blog...I also write a blog because I have met so many great people through blogging.

It has changed me somehow, and it was part of my "growing up" process.

here

I don't mean to sound like a hippie when I say that I don't like the term "growing up." To me, ultimately, a person should grow in all possible directions, and "growing up" implies restricting the growth process upwards. Yes, "up" does imply an elevation, but that in itself limits you to the notion that you are only better if you are higher up - which I refuse to believe is always the case.

Wanting to grow in all the different direction has, however, acted as a distraction - it has distracted me from growing up altogether, I am afraid. (I do have a fear of growing up) I tend to forget that there is a huge difference between growing up and growing old. There is nothing wrong with both, mind you; you can grow old while preserving the lightness of being young.

That, in itself, is a huge misconception, I have come to realise. Being young can, in so many ways, be burdensome - I have for the most part felt burdened by the need to stay young. The fear has weighed me down and it has stopped me from realising so many things that I have grown to associate with being a "grown up"

I have, as a result, developed the tendency to exist in parentheses.

I am about to turn a certain age, yet, in parentheses, I maintain the attention span of a five year old, I think of so many things and say them, write them, think them in parentheses; the result? I rarely ever do anything about them. I believe it is because I associated being young with being a dreamer and not a doer. People who do things are grown-ups, that's why it is always "when I grow up, I'll do this and that"

But I am a grown up!

The point is: my obsession with growing up has stopped me from doing so many things, it has acted as an obstacle rather than a drive for me to do things. My parallel existence (in parentheses) did not really nurture my actual existence. Being a dreamer - a daydreamer is one thing, and actually realising those dreams is not another thing - they go together.

(I will continue to use parentheses, and articulate thoughts within them. I just realised that what lies within them still exists, it is still there, it's still being thought, and said, and written. And, that shouldn't stop them from being done.)

Rolling Stone Middle East: Street to Stage

I have such talented friends, it's beautiful!

I mentioned here that my sister's best friend was on the Egyptian synchronised swimming team, the same team that is the 7th best synchronised swimming team in the world (because they beat Australia) I consider her family, and this means that we have an Olympic athlete in the family!

I have also mentioned Adam's music here before. And now I have a teeny favour to ask you:

I know this is not proper photo crediting but: here

Here's a post I borrowed from his Facebook page:

"Here's an update worth reading! I've been selected as one of Rolling Stone Middle East's 15 finalists in their "Street to Stage" competition. If I get through to the next couple of rounds, I get to play in Hard Rock Cafe Dubai. All I need from you guys is some voting and sharing. 

http://rollingstoneme.com/sts/index.php/rs_profiles/adam-awad/

Simply make an account (it takes about a minute) and click vote. Try to remember your username and password, if I get through to the next round you can vote for me again ;)"

Now all I need you to do is:

1. Click on the link  here
2. Create and account
3. Vote!

Let me know when you've voted, it would make a really nice birthday gift!

Birthday Musings: Part I

here - such a beautiful photo

I've been having very/somehow insightful conversations with people lately, and that has helped me see things more clearly. It has also helped me see how I have changed over the past year, maybe.
Over the past few years, I have become more of a cynic; one of the traits I fear the most. It's one of the main reasons why I don't want to grow up; because grown-ups are cynical, they don't dream, they don't believe in love and they don't smile often enough.

I want to always be remembered as the girl who smiles (a lot) [even though, at times, I am remembered for my very loud laugh when I can no longer control it]

I still do believe in love, but mushiness makes me cringe. I still dream, but the first thing I do when I think of ways I can pursue a dream is think of the obstacles. I am working on that. I promise.

(Speaking of dreams, I finally traveled to London.)

I do a lot of thinking, but I only do it in retrospect - you see, my mind is not the best of minds, my mind is- in fact- a rather dark place, and I don't really like it. It thinks of negative things first. Where my gut feeling comes from, however, is a beautiful place, a place where eyes glitter and faces light up - or where tears originate. My gut feeling is what I base most my decisions on, my life, in turn, is based on a little voice inside my head that tells me when things feel right; I'd rather call it instinct and not impulse. (it is largely impulsive, I must admit) It might make me seem reckless and immature at times, it might leave me with unhealthy levels of guilt and burden and heavy-hearted-ness at others...but mostly, it has helped me come to terms with who I am.
(I am a bit immature for my age.)

I am, most of the time, at peace with myself. I admit that I have been mean to people, unfair to others, I have been a bad girlfriend, a bad friend, a bad daughter and a bad sister. I do make sure that apologise for it though, if not face to face, I do it here.

I think hugs can make everything better, but I don't take that for granted. I also know that there are a few people (not so few) whose hugs can make me feel better, and I am sure those people know it. I make it known for them - at least I try. And these people have all changed my life in one way or another. They have have uninhibited parts of me that I didn't even know exist, that I never realised I had kept dormant...they have, in other words, freed me.

These are my musings as of late, my birthday musings, if I may say. Two days after my birthday, it's Sara's birthday make sure you check her pre-birthday posts that include this one here.