2010

I guess it's time for the year in review. This year has flown by like no other. Maybe it's the fact that I am part of the 9-5 cycle. Or maybe that so much has happened this year..
Shokoofeh posted this beautiful, beautiful post! And this is just..perfect.
This post was inspired by Gala Darling's year in review post.

here

Family
This year two of my cousins got married. A cousin of mine became a father, and we lost a cousin's husband to cancer, leaving behind a 6 and 2 year old.
This year, my sister presented at the APA convention thing (and turned 21). My brother has evolved into this witty young, young man. This year I turned 23 among family, no party, nothing.

My father came back from Saudi Arabia to live with us after seven years of being away.As much as I had dreaded that, it turned out to be a good thing; I have bonded with my father as an adult, and that made me realize so many things.
I realized that my father is almost always right, regardless of what could sometimes be a poor way of expression. He is a very wise man, a very smart and caring man. My father, shortly after I had gotten to know my boyfriend, sat me with him on the balcony and told me not to go about recklessly handling my heart, I had no idea what he was talking about, because it was only the third time I had met my almost doctor, but my dad could feel it. And thank God, I am not being reckless about my heart.

Jen came back to visit this month!

Ends
This year- what in retrospect seemed like a mentally abusive relationship, ended. I caused a lot of pain for my ex-boyfriend. I left the relationship almost believing no one will love me the same way, that I was a wreck and no one else would bear with me- because he "fixed me"..I had to ask for permission every time I leave the house, before I hug a male friend, a male cousin even...

My iPod died, and my laptop. My relationship with facebook has ended, and my addiction to Farmville.

Beginnings
In September of this year, I found a man. Yes, it didn't take me long (only 4 months, I know) but it felt like a lifetime. You know, the where-have-you-been-all-my-life sort of thing. Because that's how it feels like, this really is how it feels like; like I have been waiting all my life. And he has that smile... one that I would like to think he uses for me and only me. No, but he really does have a very, very genuine smile. A playful smile. And big almond shaped brown eyes, ones that twinkle, and he makes me giggle.

I started working for the government this year. And my blackberry (ab)use. My obsession with maps and Twitter. I made new friends.

Highlights

• Meeting Liz
• A fourteen hour long first date which included pancakes for breakfast, a walk, a felouka ride, a performance, dinner.
• Going to the opera before going to the movies together for the first time.
• I wrote this and this.
• Seeing Emel Methlouthi perform live in Cairo.
• I started exercising again!
• I got compliments because of my smile.
• Cherished times with my best friend, who is now in Sinai, and it's raining heavily there and I am kind of worried.
• Fun times with my sister and cousin.

Goals
In 2011, I want to go back to blogging more. I want to work out everyday or at least 3-4 times a week. I want to graduate from grad school. (with honours so I could get a scholarship for my PhD)

I need to write and read more because I haven't been doing that enough, also I need to spend time with myself, because I haven't done that in a long while, that I am beginning to think I am deliberately avoiding myself. But I hope not. I am an okay person to be around!

I want to spend more time with Menna, I want to call friends and family more often, and see them more often. I want to travel. Watch more films and shows, at least the ones I should watch. (suggestions?)

Oh yes, and I want to grow my hair out!

Here's to

• Growing and never growing up.
• Ridding myself of the people who choose to dwell in negativity, instead of fighting through/ for the more pleasurable path of positivity. Some people just choose the easy way out. And it's sad. (I think I've already done that.)
• Smiles and laughs and being silly.
• New beginnings and brighter days and darker times that will pass.
• Not choosing your words wisely because if you feel it, say it.
• Trusting your instincts.
• Not pretending that I care, to not listen to things that I am not interested in out of sheer politeness. To not always saying yes. To not stressing myself out. Yet, still manage to be kind.

I hope everyone has a great new year, and please never forget who you are. Never forget that you don't need to please everyone. You just be the best version of you and the rest will be taken care of.

Love and Moleskines

here

I am in a rush to finish my hardcover Moleskine before the year ends. I have grown to like the recycled cahiers more, to be honest, and I don't know why. I like the squared ones more than I liked the lined, and I also don't know why.

I think this could give me an idea of how I have changed, four years ago, I was in love with the classic black leatherbound hardcover and now it's just the brownness of the cardboard kraft cahiers. And it's the same with everything else, the way I dress, the way I write and my taste in general.

I have evolved.

I don't know if there is a comparison of better or worse. It is, at the end of the day, change- and change is always good.

I feel the need to belong to older times, I long for everything vintage, not really everything, but I have this sense of belonging and familiarity when around old things, or things inspired by old things, like the television set I saw with the boyfriend yesterday at Virgin Megastores, I could feel my face light up.

Speaking of boyfriend. And butterflies, and smiles and love. I have come to the conclusion that I think love is a state of being, you can/might feel love, but there comes a point when you will become love.

Work and my Reader

I am finally catching up on commenting and blogs in general. I have had a very hectic couple of weeks.

The semester finally ended. Which was very, very stressful, and I am waiting for my grades.

I was going down the road of demotivation and I hadn't realized it. I didn't take the time to think about it and have it hit me. But it did hit me. In the face.

I wasn't very happy with my job, it's been a year, almost and I was reflecting on my professional development ever since I started here, and I realized I didn't develop much- if at all. I also have issues regarding my salary.

Slowly, I started being late to work. And it became a daily thing, and my absence was going out of hand. My boss did something that I don't really appreciate...I wrote my resignation and kept it there and was seriously considering quitting...I talked to people about it and things. And I thought maybe I should try.

I emailed top management, I got a phone call from head of HR regarding my punctuality issues and it was a bit of a wake up call.

*end work rant*

I just unsubscribed from all my google reader subscriptions by mistake and I feel like crying... Recommendations please?

Fill in the Blank Friday!

It's Friday, and I am going to do this, since I am procrastinating! I have been up since 8, it's now 12, to study, and I have been browsing through TIME's top 10 everything of 2010 instead.
Let's play!

{Erin Nicole Photography via weheartit}

1.   I wish       that certain something that might happen, happens. I wish my mother would stop being mean. I wish I could move out     .

2.  Yesterday I   cried  .

3.  Today I will       work on my paper, take my brother out and hopefully see the Mister/Doctor  .

4.  Tomorrow I will   go pick Jen up at the airport! She's coming to visit again, finally   .

5.  Maybe      it's time for me to go renew my gym subscription. It's been 15+ days .

6.  Someday        I will go far away. I will rediscover the person I am, I will celebrate my journey, and all things great will happen to me, or rather I will make great things happen    .

7.  I love       good news. A great big hug. coffee and sitting in bed with the laptop, working on my paper while a game is in the background..I've only experienced this a few times but it has this special kind of serenity about it     .

I am. I will.

“Everything is created from moment to moment, always new. Like fireworks, this universe is a celebration & you are the spectator contemplating the eternal Fourth of July of your absolute splendor.”(Francis Lucille) here

I tend to forget that sometimes, and I get carried away; the mundane-ness that is my life. I am quirkiness incarnated in the short body of a girl with hazel eyes and caramel coloured skin, and cappuccino coloured hair. Yet, with all the warm tones, my feet are almost always cold. And so do my hands. I laugh, and I giggle and I smile. And you can sometimes hear the child in me echo through one of my loud, silly giggles. Or maybe more than "sometimes"...

This is who I am.


I Am A Girl - The Girls With Glasses Theme Song from The Girls With Glasses on Vimeo.

I am a girl.

I will wear that pettiskirt under my A-line dress and walk down the street, I will be cut from the 1950s and pasted on to the street in 2010. And it will be glorious.

I will walk stop at a street corner cafe in Paris for a coffee to warm me up. And it will be divine. I will also have Paris vs. NYC posters hanging on the walls of my apartment.

I will watch the sun rise setting fire to the Red Sea, in Sinai, wrapped in arms I have grown to love so much. And have the very same arms keep me warm on the streets of London.

Yet, for now, I shall go read about Argentina for my term paper. And when this semester is over with, I will have finished half of my classes. And I can't begin to explain how great that feels. I need to start saving up, because after I am done, I plan to travel. And start a whole new life.

Who are you? and what are your "will be"s?