I don't know if that's a good thing.
What I know is, though, what I know is- is that I am not sure if I am ready to leave this. I am not sure if I am ready to quit. I am not sure. I want. I am not sure if I need.
Maybe that is enough. That. I am.
I tend to enjoy watching the stars, regardless of who is there to watch them with me- I never really cared. I am not sure if I don't care though. I want a sincere hug, a hug that tells me I am cared for. I want a warm look...just to tell me that I have a friend. A friend.
I want someone who would listen and not make fun of what I have to say, you see. Regardless of who optimistic or unrealistic, or idealistic it may sound.
I worry too much. I worry too much about the might have been, the could have been. All the alternate routes and choices and paths. No, I am not depressed, I just have too much on my mind and I don't know how to let it all out in an optimistic tone, you know?
This could, by far, be my favorite "I Wrote This for You" post;
Do you remember, at the start, how small everything was? Smaller than a point. Like everything was somewhere between a thought, almost, and a reality, almost. And then I looked at you and thought"?"And then everything that would ever happen, happened.
I also know this is the only thing that's keeping me going. That someday I will look back, and remember. I would remember how lost I thought I felt when I was twenty-three (and twenty-two) I would remember not being able to define my role in this world, my identity, my place, I would remember worrying about each and every choice I am to make. I would look back and smile- laugh even and it would feel so good!
Maybe that's the problem with me, and a lot of other people, that we try to define things, when an abstract concept leaves you with much more freedom, much more flexibilty. Why should one define identity when it could be universal, when it could be so personal while being universal. Definition limits you, it limits concepts and thoughts...
So, for now, my role is abstract, my place is abstract, my identity; abstract.