How Do You Know?

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I haven’t seen enough in my life, that I know.

I live through other people’s experience…but I have had my own share of experiences, if I may say. I have had my share and still I haven’t figured life out.

This is what makes me believe that you can live your entire life – to the fullest or not – and only realize what it was all about on your deathbed.

What worries me about life is not my deathbed. What worries me about life is, rather, who will be next to me then.

I know enough to know that whoever is left from my family will be there, and knowing that, in itself, is more than enough. But being the greedy person I am (human nature), I want more. I want a man I love and who loves me back to be there. And maybe children…

But I am not looking for that person that you meet and start feeling all tingly on the inside. I believe you just know – you just know this is the person I am going to grow old with; this is the person who has the other half of my children’s genes.

Is it just me? Or do you know?

Do you know?

Am I being too idealistic or too much of a dreamer? Maybe

I was talking to my boss the other day and she said that you know it when you meet that person. She said that you meet them and know that this man will be the father of your child(ren) – you might not necessarily grow old with them, but sharing children gives you a special bond of sorts. She said that she has this ability; with people she knows enough or has spent enough time with…she sees them with someone and knows that this is going to be their wife/husband. Or not.

You see, life is all about trial and error. And, with trial and error comes failure, but with failure there always comes a lesson. I have failed one too many times.

And next time, I want to just know. It’s not about marriage as much as it is about the connection, the click(!), the “oh you make my heart race and I want to lie in your arms for hours on end and not get fidgety.”