One Long Road

Patience and Passion

2012-01-29T23:16:00.003+02:00

I have been talking to a lot of people of what I have come to realise over the past year or so.

I have been making lists of big bad things that have happened to me over the past ten years, and how these things have helped me grow into the person I am to day.

I am thankful, so very thankful!

here

I had this argument with my father earlier this month and he asked me to make a list of five things that I had wanted him to do for me as I grew up, and I couldn't really think of anything...I mean, I remember incidents when I thought I could never forgive my father for having done that. The most memorable example being when he wouldn't send me out of the country so I could study genetics for my bachelors degree.

Today, these things don't seem to matter much to me. And that is a lesson I have learnt solely from my argument with my father. Things might seem huge at one point in time, but later on, maybe a year or two from then..they won't matter at all.

Don't make a big deal out of life not going your way. Some things are meant to happen for you, and if they are, they will happen sooner or later. I am not saying that you shouldn't work for what you want, you just need to be patient. Only that.

You need to be passionate and patient.

And the light within you will grow brighter and brighter, and you will shine. You will shine and lead the way for yourself. You will lead the way for others.

My best friend writes puzzles.

I Wrote This For You: The Book [Part 4: Rain]

2012-01-15T15:14:00.001+02:00

Reading Rain has been quite the experience.

It has stirred up feelings of reassurance; reassurance that no matter what people might think - people I no longer speak to for any reason - no matter how they try to label me, or affect my energy, I am who I think I am, I am who I make of myself. I have no regrets.

here

I am here, and I will be for as long as I can. And, I will make this world a better place.

You know why? Because I was given my hope and faith back to me as I was reading "The Angel of Almost" or maybe it made me realize that one day I am going to run out of tomorrows, so I may as well just start today.

Because I have a lot to give, and that really is what being gifted is. Because I hate "almost"s and I will not give up, I will keep trying harder and harder, and when I feel like crying, I know that the weeping willow is crying my tears for me, and when it is no longer considered a distraction, I will allow myself to cry.

"if there is one thing I hate, it's having to acknowledge that my feelings are my own, no one else's. And, my responsibility."

And I will touch you over and over. Even if you don't understand what it is I am doing. I like the feeling of your skin, it reminds me that I am human, and that I am alive. It reminds me that you are real. And that this is actually happening, that yes, it is you, and that I have found you. It reminds me that I am thankful.

So the next time you ask me "what are you doing?" when I touch your forehead, or cheek, or hair, or palm, I will finally have an answer!

"This is how I love. This is how I love. This is how I love."

Rain is about beauty, the beauty we forget a lot (And not sometimes). Rain is about the world, because the world is beautiful. It is quite simple. Really.

"Because only a hard heart shatters.

Only a hard heart breaks."

May you find the softness in your heart, I hope you smile more and love more. I hope you give more. And you shall never be heart broken. May you always remember that it takes one bad ending for a beautiful beginning to be written.

May we always remember that we need no permission to do something, let alone something great. May we all remember that it is only natural for us to care.

"Perhaps that somewhere is here.

Perhaps that someone, is you."

Yes the time is now. Don't write it down. Just say it/start it/do it.

I wish I had known all this every time I argued with my parents as a teenager, or the one time my younger sister (my only sister at the time) told me she hated me, I wish I knew she didn't mean it as a child. I wish I knew at the time my grandfather pushed me away when I was trying to hug him that one last time, that he didn't do it out of anger or hate, he was only breathing his last breaths. I wish I knew so many things as I cried.

What I know is, though, that it is all going to be okay. Because I have grown, and I have grown to know. And I forgive everyone, and I forgive myself.

"Everyone and everything lives on inside you." It has almost been ten years since I lost someone very dear to me to a heart attack, and I watched it happen and I knew it was happening. A fourteen year old me, however, thought that the world was ending, that life will not go on from there. But I have him with me everywhere I go. He lives on. Inside me.

"That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day is you match it."

I'll be the sun. And you be the rain (because rain is beautiful)

We can always switch places, since there are days when I won't feel up to it. And you will be the sun.

Rain made me cry.

I promise that I will feel everything I could. I promise.

(Only if you promise to read the book)

You can also read: Sun, Moon and Stars.

I Wrote This For You: The Book [Part 3: Stars]

2012-01-09T14:45:00.001+02:00

At first glance, we might all seem crazy.
Or maybe we are. We do things for reasons that make sense to us, reasons that might not necessarily make sense to anyone else.

At first glance, we might all seem like we lead a simple life.
But what might seem simple to you might be killing someone else.

When we look up at the sky, we see stars everywhere.
I spot a shooting star and I giggle. You see one that is shining brighter than the others. We see one bigger star and wonder what its name is.

What we don't see is where these stars are today. We see stars for what they were, hundreds..or thousands...or millions of years ago.

Stars burn. But we cannot see that.

"...You could never tell the difference between the mood you were in, and me."

This is what we all should see, this is the only thing we need to remember. I shouldn't make you miserable just because I feel comfortable around you.

Stars are pretty, they guide us, and they always have...but they are, at the end, one of the many tricks of the universe.

Stars are the break up you will always remember. Regardless of whether it was you that hurt, or if it was you that was hurt. What matters, really, is that you have learnt.

"There's no revenge here. Love doesn't hate back."

If only I could get everyone to understand this, and read this. If only I could buy the book for everyone I have ever hurt, and for everyone that has ever hurt me. Maybe it will all be okay, maybe they'll realize it. And then the world would be a better place.

"...I was here, I felt, I lived and I loved as much as I could, while I could. And that the person that I loved, was you."

That is the same nagging feeling I get everyday when I am just about to sleep. My need to live on long after I am gone. Long after I have stopped seeing people, when I graduate, when I change jobs....I have the nagging need, tugging at my insides, to be remembered.

Stars is heartbreaking. It left me speechless. (And it made me cry)

I Wrote This For You: The Book [Part 2: Moon]

2012-01-05T15:29:00.000+02:00

Before I start writing this, I need to make it clear that this is more of how I feel and what I experience while reading the book. And I am reading it as slowly as I possibly can, because I don't want to finish it. This is what goes on in my mind as I read, and not your typical review.

I am biased to this part of the book so far, because it starts with one of the best things I have ever read; my favorite IWFY post: The Children of Time.

I was born in August, and I always want to do the right thing, like my birth-month, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I lie about things. And I never want to apologize. I always lie to my boyfriend and I tell him that I don't want to see him on a specific day, but that is always a lie. Because I would always rather see him than not. I would always want to spend time with him, as much as I would appreciate spending time with myself or with other people.

"There are a million important things to do. But none as important as lying here next to you."

And Moon made it feel like it's okay. Like I am not the only one who does that, and that is the thing that matters the most: You are not alone. You are not the only one.

Moon is about the little things, and trust me, it's the little things that matter, it is the little things that make life worthwhile. And the little things happen all the time, every day, but most people just fail to notice them. Most people forget to remember that if they do notice the little things, they would be a lot happier.

Moon is about happiness.

"..No roller skating, kissing, smoking, fingers through hair, 3 am phone calls, stained letters, littering, unfeeling feelings, a smell left on a pillow, doors slammed, lyrics whispered, or loitering, Thank you."

I dare you to not relate to that. Moon is about the fear of falling in love, the fear that is at its peak right before you fall in love and then you succumb and you give in so willingly and you try to love the person to happiness, or more happiness and it's hard. Because you want that, and only that, and the fear is still there, the fear of losing what has always scared you.

here

This is how love doesn't make sense.

"A mess without you
Something beautiful with you."

"...till you cannot distinguish between being and being together"

And that is the scariest thought that anyone could think of. But it is so beautiful. Moon is beautiful. And so is love.

The moon is closer to earth than the sun, and this is why it has a stronger pull on its seas, but the sun, the sun gives us warmth, and gives the moon its light. Yet it's the moon that we could relate more to. It can never burn us.

Love hurts, over and over again because it is forgetful of who it has hurt before and we never learn. But every time your feelings become harder and harder to access. But on a night when the moon is full, you will give in and kiss that person that chose to be there. The person that chose to listen to you and support you when you never really ask for it. And it will be beautiful.

Whether it remains beautiful or not, however, is a matter of choice. A matter of accepting the fact that people change, and their place in your being is either reshaped or erased. Forever.

I Wrote This For You: The Book [Part 1: Sun]

2012-01-04T10:03:00.000+02:00

You have no idea how much I have been waiting for this; a piece of the blog to hold in my hands.

The blog has been speaking to me for as long as I can remember, everything that he writes just touches me in a way, I don't think anyone could ever not relate to the words, so abstract that they make all the sense in the world.

I think I have started beginning my sentences with "and" even more often after started reading "I Wrote This For You."

Yesterday, I started reading and by the time I reached the end of the dedication list, I felt the tears in my eyes, I felt like I matter, I felt like it was my best friend writing. Or my mother, or someone that came to visit Cairo for the few days and it was like knowing them forever (I have someone in mind)

It felt like the world wouldn't be the same without me. Because, I know that I am one of those people; those who "paint the world each day with the colours of their feelings."

I am also one of those who hope. So this book was written for me.

And it was written for you. It was even written for Aristotle and Rosa Parks. And those of us with day jobs that don't feel as great - or special - and forget to notice the magic that is everywhere they look. This book is a perfect reminder that magic is always around, it is in your every breath.

here

Let me not forget to mention that it is not only the words that speak, the photos do too. Those photos were taken with me in mind. The pop of colour, the land far, far away, waiting for me to find out about. The sense of curiosity that is the sole drive behind travel, and love, and friendship...

"..these things can exist and you're not quite sure how they existed without you knowing about them before."

It is not always about love, or maybe it is, or maybe it never was, but I would like to think it is. Everyone needs to hope more, to believe more, to love more and to give more chances (this is how you are given more chances) and that is what the book is about.

It is the perfect wake up call. The perfect new year's gift. The perfect Valentine's day gift as well. (most definitely the best birthday gift)

All I have to say is, simply, this book is beautiful. And if like me, you believe that this year is yours, then this is the best way to start your year.

Coming up: Part 2: Moon

2012

2012-01-02T16:25:00.002+02:00

I guess my plan to do one post for each month of 2011 did not follow through. But I have a few things to say about the year 2011, the year of awakening.

For it was, indeed, an awakening year. One where my country along with Tunisia and Libya have managed to topple their presidents. One during which Syria and Yemen struggled and are still struggling.

It was the year I got engaged to someone I very randomly met at a tweet up that I went to only because I knew a few people personally. And he was there and he seemed interesting only because he was honest and wasn't saying things only to impress (or so I would like to think) A person who stayed after I told him I loved him less than a week into the relationship and who got me posters of the Beatles and a jade necklace from NYC before were even together for a month. He makes me laugh and smile and he makes me happy.

2011 was also the year my baby brother turned 10 and as much as I hate to admit it, it is probably time for me to stop treating him like a baby. But he is my baby! (see?)

It was such an intense year that I mostly fail to pinpoint specific incidents and their timing, everything seems to have blended together into a blur of incidents and tear gas and smiles.

It was the year I experienced military curfew for the first time in my life, it was perfectly normal to see tanks roam the streets. But enough about that.

My best friend and her now ex boyfriend broke up and I was so worried about her but I knew she was in good hands. And now she's back. I had missed her.

here

We all travelled to Sharm el Sheikh for new year's and it was then that I realised that I will only get to look back on 2011 and be able to reflect maybe six months from now, but not today. It was a fun night that was eventually filled with drama and then love came next. Somehow people had argued, and somehow maybe an hour later everyone was dancing and hugging each other and smiling and there weren't even any drugs involved.

Then a friend's cousin passed away in a car accident and I am trying so hard to convince myself that it can only get better. And I know it will. I don't really have any resolutions but I have news.

Today is my first day at a new job. I am now a junior technical officer on a program for the economic integration of women in Egypt and another three countries.

And well, I graduated! I have finally graduated. Even if it's not case officially, I now have an MA in Economics in International Development. (my GPA is even not that bad!)

2012 is my year.
Now repeat after me: 2012 is my year!

Happy new year, everyone!

.

2011-12-25T12:27:00.001+02:00

It is such a weird day so far. I woke up to news that a beautiful person I went to school with passed away. And now news of Alaa's release. (wiki)

I'll make this short since I don't really know how I feel.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

New Look!

2011-12-22T21:30:00.000+02:00

I don't know how I feel about my new layout. But, I think it was time for a new one. So there!
I think I miss the green though.
I don't know how I feel about the blue. What do you guys think?

I am getting rid of my blackberry soon, it was fun while it lasted, but I think I have had it with dealing with not so good hardware. So I am going for the Samsung Galaxy Note.

Anyway, Rhianne has a beautiful freebie for all of us. And I think everyone should have the beautiful calendar.

Speaking of freebies, I have been downloading tons of freebies from Pugly Pixel and Mellowmint lately and I have no idea what I am going to do with them. But since I am currently unemployed, I will definitely find something to do with them, yeah? Suggestions?

I hope everyone is having a great break. And those who are not on break are having a great weekend. I have been obsessing about my grades, and I keep checking every ten minutes. And no grades are out yet, and it's all so unfair.

I leave you with this:

here

Gratitude 2011: January 2011

2011-12-18T15:09:00.000+02:00

I missed the 400th post celebration. And this here, is my 403rd post.

So..

YAY

Anyway, I have been meaning to start on my lists of gratitude (since I have nothing better to do, really) And because I think I need the positivity in my life, it's been a tough year, and things don't seem to get any better...

here

(I obviously like this picture of myself :D I made this just in case any of you guys wanted to do lists!)

January 2011

(this is also when I start regretting not writing in my journal as often as I should)

The euphoric feeling of being one with the crowd of thousands of people chanting together on the 25th of January
Spending the night at my boyfriend's because of curfew.
Safety
My car, and chai lattes.
My family, for being interesting enough and fun enough for us to endure a 3pm curfew
the vigilante who kept us safe.
Meeting my boyfriend's grandparents.
Rain
Can you tell I don't remember anything that's happened before the 25th of January? Stupid me.

And with that, I have realized my number one resolution: Write in my Moleskine more often. (Everyday)

Also, here's a link to graffiti spotted around Cairo.

Waste of Space

2011-12-16T00:41:00.000+02:00

You know when you read something and it makes you realise, in retrospect, how things you have done that didn't make sense might make sense after all?

Am I making sense?

I read this, and well, I know Mercury was in retrograde, and it was a journey, sort of, but it's okay. I am happy I am starting the new year with a clear canvas, and I am free to color it whichever way I want to.

I also love Thought Catalog for so many things, among which is this article here! I don't know if you know, but I was the one who said it first, I tried to find my way around it, and I tried to find an alternative, for maybe 10 minutes and I just couldn't make myself not say it, it was such a strong feeling, so I said it; I told him I loved him maybe less than a week into the relationship. And I AM SO LUCKY HE'S STILL HERE.

(and then came this article)

It's the weekend and I am sitting at home with my ten year old brother, and 15 year old sister, and my grandmother and my mum's aunt. Fun times, I tell you.

I am so bored I could die.

I have been playing entanglement for the past hour maybe. And I am reading "God Bless You Mr. Rosewater"

And to end the most useless post, I leave you with this:

December

2011-12-12T15:30:00.000+02:00

I quit my job. After a tormenting year and ten months, I quit my job! I finally quit my job.
And now, I am unemployed.
I am not really happy about it, the lack of income is freaking me out to be honest. And there's not much to do other than study since it's end of semester and I am to graduate this semester.

In February, I shall have it on my wall, MA in Economics in International Development.

I have no idea what is next, but I am glad that this year is ending so many things with it. It has been a tough year, so stressful! So very stressful and there is no room for switching off really, or breaking away, because it's not just the news, it's around me, it is everywhere.

What do you think I should ask for for graduation? I am thinking a Galaxy Note I didn't really get anything for my birthday back in August.

I think I should catch up on reading, I have nine new books, other than those left unread on the bookshelf.

here

Anyway, I am planning to compile a list of gratitude for this year, anyone want to do this with me? I am planning to going about it by listing at least three things I was grateful for each month.

Then come the resolutions, I want to do that in a non-cliched way though and I don't know if that is even possible.

The History Books Forgot About Us...NOT!

2011-12-03T01:13:00.001+02:00

I sit in bed and I am so tired...all I could think of is the future of my country. We are living through times that will be recorded in history books, I belong to a generation that made history. I made history.

62% voter turn out is something that has never happened before...I am not really happy with results so far, but elections are elections, and if this is the fruit of fair elections then...then I will campaign more and more for the liberal left. And hope for the best.

I was talking to the boyfriend/fiance the other day, and asked him if we are going to be all bored and depressed when this is over..I, for one, will sure be depressed and I will call it the post revolution depression. Just like MUN's post conference depression syndrome.

I was looking through pictures I have on the computer and thought maybe I should share some of the phone pictures I have of the protests and stuff

Qasr el Nil Bridge on out way to Tahrir Square on January 25th, 2011, CSF let us pass through.

Part of the crowd on January 25th

Bad picture but this is from January 29th, 8am, going back home after not being able to go back due to curfew, army tanks were everywhere

January 29th, NDP headquarters burning

February 11th, people on the street after Mubarak stepped down, this is when people still liked the army

same day.

The next day, people went to clean Tahrir up, NDP HQ in the background

That's pretty much it, I know they're nothing artistic, they're just phone pictures. I have some from the elections but they're mostly of violations.

I hope everyone has a great, great weekend!

This One is for You

2011-11-15T10:00:00.001+02:00

here

There will come a time when most songs will bring you to tears, and there will be times when you find yourself crying whenever you are alone (it is also the time when you try to keep yourself busy, so you wouldn't have to be alone)

In running away from yourself, you are at your loneliest.

There will come a time when you open your journal and pick up your pen, but there will be no words to write. And times when you pick up your phone to call your best friend but there just aren't any words to say.

All you need is a hug, but life is in your way.

When that time is now, please know that I am here. And that I am willing to hug you, that I would hug you. That I really want to talk to you but I just don't know what to say.

I miss the time when you called me in the middle of the night, crying, because this is when I felt closest to you. And now all I feel is a distance.

I try to be understanding, but I don't really get it, you see?

here

Yeah, I think that's all I have to say today. It will be okay, that I know.

A Bit of Everything

2011-11-13T09:04:00.001+02:00

“The hardest period in life is one’s 20s. It’s a shame because you’re your most gorgeous and you’re physically in peak condition. But it’s actually when you’re most insecure and full of self-doubt. When you don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s frightening.”-Helen Mirren via Little Reminders of Love

It is frightening, so very frightening, especially at 24, especially when I am almost done with my degree and I don't know what is going to happen next. I am the kind of person who has to have something to do, always.

But when I am done, I will have time to send all the letters I have written and had not the time to send, I will pay more attention to this space here.. I will have time to do so many things! I hope. So that is something to look forward to.

I will read again and hopefully write again and my life will be a lot better.

Taylor posted this and I couldn't wait to try it. And here are the results:

Pray for Egypt. Elections are eight days away and protesters are still being shot at and hurt. And I don't really know what to do about it. As much as I want to be protesting right now, there is also a lot of campaigning that should be done. And awareness about the elections and who to vote for (not namely, just you know, the qualities of a person who deserves your vote)

The upcoming elections are the first "true" elections in the lifetimes of many. And my friend, Mahmoud Salem is running!!

On a totally different note, I am going to try to give my blog a makeover.

Eleven

2011-11-12T23:44:00.001+02:00

What did everyone do for 11.11.11?

I did nothing, at 11 pm I read about the numerology of 11.11.11 and it said something about the conscious being connected to the subconscious.

I wished for forever at 11:11 on 11.11.11. I know it might sound pathetic for some, or hopeless even, but, I just did.

Oh I love you. Every single one out there. I do.

Birthdays and Graduations

2011-10-25T15:19:00.002+02:00

My boyfriend/fiancé/ boyancé (teehee) turned 25 on Friday, and I haven't figured out what to get him for his birthday yet.

It's the hardest thing I ever had to decide, even harder than deciding what to eat (Something I am completely incapable of doing, read this if you have the same problem) I think that's what you get when you start dating someone less than a week after you first meet them, and that's what you get for being with someone you barely have anything in common with.

He is into everything geeky and I am....a nerd - more or less. I don't like video games and I don't read comics, I don't watch movies all that much nor do I watch TV shows. And this list right there pretty much sums up my boyancé's life.

here

I came across this on Pinterest, and well, I think dealing with the fact that no one is perfect would make life easier for everyone. I mean, we all need the reminder every now and then, thinking that people should exactly know what you want, how you feel and what you need is just totally and completely wrong - I need the reminder (constantly) myself. I need to remind myself not to expect, especially from those I love so much.

(I also sometimes need to remind myself that my life shouldn't revolve around anyone but shhh)

There was more to this post, but I kind of forgot what I was about to write, and if I save it as a draft I will never get to post it...so I might as well.

PS I am graduating this semester, but guess who beat me to it? Farah! And I am so very, very happy for her!

An Introduction to SaraLand

2011-10-16T14:57:00.000+02:00

There is something wrong with me, definitely. I don't really know what is. But I check my reader and I read the posts and I mark them unread so I comment over the weekend, and come the weekend, I am bombarded with studying I have procrastinated about all week.

And, that, ladies (and gentlemen) sums up my life at the moment.

In other news:

My eyesight is getting worse, I am now -1 and -0.75 (yes, that's getting worse) and I need to wear my glasses all the time now. I am taking the chance to buy new glasses. I want them framed, and possibly tortoise and wayfarer/squared/rectangular. Suggestions?
My car has been giving me a hard time; a flat tire on the highway and stuff, but it's all good.
The best friend wrote this beautiful post, which made me sad in a way, and thankful in another way...but mostly sad.

I need my life back. I need to see my friends, I need to write again, I need to read again. But then again, I am scared at the thought that I might have free time. Free time kills me, I get bored really easily and usually end up depressed.

I guess, then I will have more time to blog, and maybe my blog would be what it used to be. But things change, and not always to the better. But that's failure, right?

here

The other day, boyfriend and I were talking and I was explaining to him how things are different in my world; SaraLand. In SaraLand, I said, we express love and affection through pinching and biting - randomly (and not in a sexual way, it's totally casual) and we usually freak out when things are going fine. We tend to cocoon when life becomes too much to take.

We always, always procrastinate. And so on. Our national emblem is a proud white unicorn, its horn sparkling and colorful, and it stands with pride at the center of our flag - behind it is a lightening bolt. Because things aren't always bright and cheery in SaraLand.

A Little Economic Rant

2011-09-28T11:24:00.000+02:00

I may come from a country where little sons and daughters of doormen learn to walk in front of their buildings half naked. And I also come from a country where you see the same thing at public hospitals, you see patients sitting on the (filthy) corridor floors, or even on the streets. I have seen a woman in labour wait for her turn outside the hospital.
Yes, this is the country I call home.
The country where not everyone is educated, where people live in informal settlements and are fine with it.

But isn't that how it is everywhere? Even in "developed" countries, there are the poor, the sick and the ignorant, there are also the illiterate. And people still refer to them as the more developed country because of a larger per capita income.

But whatever happened to equity? Equity and accessibility...
Whatever happened to equitable distribution of income? Why do people forget that the poor are getting poorer and the rich are getting richer EVERYWHERE?

Don't blame developing countries for post-colonialism, because that is just unfair. It was unfair then and it is unfair today to have "other" decide for "developing" countries what they need to do to be developed, because laundry lists will not work. They never did.

You could even see it with globalisation, which has worked best for everyone, I agree, but people from developing countries don't benefit from the great mobility that others from 1st world countries do, and as countries, they are faced by 1st world non-tariff barriers to trade. How fair is that?

How fair are restrictions on technology transfer...

I am having a hard time being a student of economics in international development in a class full of MBA student...it's depressing. It is depressing that everything is about more sales and shareholder's profit..there are people involved; human beings - not just cheap labour, you see.

Because at the end of the day, I see the poor and I see the insanely rich here, too. Duality is everywhere, people just choose to point the duality of developing countries.

God bless the middle class.

Those Yellow Roman Candles

2011-09-11T13:56:00.000+02:00

One of my favorite quotes of all time is one by Jack Kerouac (who I'd totally marry if he were still alive)
I mean, look at him!!

here

It's from "On the Road" (which I need to read again), the fiancé bought the original scroll version, and that, I want to read as well.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!""

It is late summer and I want to make this month memorable. I want something to associate with the September of 2011. It's our first anniversary this month (the mister and I)
But that's not just it. I want September to be the blue centerlight of this year. I want to make it personal.

I want to daydream again, I want to be by the sea and close my eyes and listen to the waves talk to me. I want to fly, like a kite; free.

I want to fly and have people look at me and go "Awww!"...like a spider across the stars...spreading, everywhere, like fairy-dust

which to some might only seem like a cloud of talcum powder

But all it takes is a little imagination for the extraordinary to shine..like fairy-dust.

No Title

2011-09-10T13:51:00.002+02:00

There is a post in my drafts that I am too lazy to complete and edit.
So I am writing a new one.

Here's to new beginnings. Since I am now twenty-four (as of the 26th of August)
Here's to old, old friends, since I am talking to my old school friends more often.
Here's to people who will always be there for you.
Here's to the one who got away, and the one that never was.
Here's to the one that is.

Here's to you, country.

I need hugs and inspiration and love sent my way.

Somehow, This Happened.

2011-08-23T19:00:00.000+02:00

I am a commitment phobe.
I really am, countless times I have yearned and yearned for a stable relationship, for love that is everlasting and all those fairytale notions.. and whenever I think "okay, this is it!" the guy I am with finds an excuse to break up with me, or I drive him to break up with me.

(I rarely ever broke up with anyone in fear of the chance of them being the one..)

Why have I driven them to break up with me, you ask? Because I think of all the possibilities and options and alternative lives I could be living when I am stuck with this one person for what might seem to be forever. (but grown up Sara knows there is no such a thing as forever, there is only for as long as I can, and for as long as I am willing to and other grey statements that provide no guarantees)

I lost my dreaminess some point along the way.

here

I have a fear of marriage, it took me a good while to realize that. As much as I want to get married, it scares the living hell out of me. It turns me into this little girl sitting in her bed, to scared to move because it's dark, and because mummy said there was a big bear living behind the AC vents and that the big bear is watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep. (My mother used to actually say that)

11 months ago, last September, I met this guy.

I met this guy and we went on an extremely random date maybe four days to a week after we first met. it was so random and carefree and just....perfect. It lasted for 14 hours.

A fourteen hour first date.

And after our second date, we were officially a couple.

I am not going to say he cured my fear of marriage, I am not going to say that I am no longer scared of commitment, I do..I do and I have learnt to admit that it is normal, it is something everyone goes through, but they're just too scared to admit it. (right?)

I am going to say, however, that I almost have nothing to worry about when I am with him. He has a beautiful, beautiful soul; his issues, and his obsessions and everything about him have all worked so well into shaping this beautifully imperfect human being.

A beautifully imperfect human being that has proposed to me, on one knee, without even saying the rather scary M-word.

Letter to the Best Friend

2011-08-23T14:49:00.000+02:00

I stopped the 26 days of extraordinary. I have a really good excuse for my doing that - I promise.

But first things first:

I have been really busy lately, with things to do, tuition fees to pay, staying up late and going to the gym and going out with cousins I haven't been hanging out with in a really long time (granted you called my cousin a slut when you don't even know her, I will forgive you.)

I will also forgive you for never doing the effort to see me, ever. Or never giving me "best friend" time. Because, yes, it has been bothering me.

BUT.

I owe you an apology, and here is you public apology for my not showing up yesterday, Menna. I hope that makes it up for you.

Because, you see, I want to keep you there forever and things, and I won't lose you over some silly thing I did (I haven't lost you over much more serious things so I am not willing to do this now, you see?)

When other (or rather all other) people seem more important than I am, I try to make myself remember that this is not the case, or could be but they are more fun, or that they're just "there" when I am not. (but I really am, or so I would like to believe)

This is a whiny post, or rather an open letter because I needed to vent and stuff.

More cheerful posts to come. I am having the time of my life.

Day Two

2011-08-03T02:09:00.001+02:00

Well, I am back to tagging my posts :)

I feel like it's time for me to do that again. Tomorrow is a rather important day for Egypt, it's Mubarak's trail. I am not getting any hopes up. I am not looking forward to it. I am almost certain he is not going to show up.

That's all I have to say about that.

Today I didn't do anything extraordinary per se but I pampered myself a bit and I went to the hairdresser's (which I don't do that often) and I got my hair trimmed. I am thinking of maybe getting some highlights?

What do you think?

Excuse my looking tired, let me explain;

During ramadan, I sleep at maybe 3:30 am, I wake up at 7:30 am (or at least try to) since I have to be at work at 8:30, the ramadan work day ends at 1:30, and I - while fasting - go to the gym. Two hours later I am finally home and I sleep for the remaining 1-2 hours and wake up when it's time to break the fast. And that photo was taken at 12 am today (it's now 2 am)

Here's what it looked like before (only because I love this photo!)

So yeah, that was my not so extraordinary thing for today. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow (wish me luck?)

Let the Extraordinary Begin

2011-08-02T03:47:00.002+02:00

The first of August is when my 26 days of extraordinary begins!

here

"Twenty Six Days of Extraordinary" is my attempt at making the countdown to my birthday special and memorable. I love doing it, and I would love to read back on it one day.

I would love it if you guys contribute, share ideas, or do whatever it is with me.

Day one: I wrote a letter to Taylor. (which I still haven't sent yet! Tomorrow, I shall)

Today I also went out with my boyfriend and his family and I had so much fun! I love his family, they're great people. (His sister and mother are so beautiful!)

It's going to be hard making tomorrow extraordinary since le boyfriend is leaving to NY tomorrow - for a week though, so it's going to be okay right? Yeah, I know it will be.

It was the first day of Ramadan today as well, fasting means I don't get to have my morning coffee which means that I spend my morning pretty much zombified. Not good! But hey! we get a much shorter working day!

Mini-Wishlist

2011-07-26T12:13:00.002+02:00

I finally finished writing my "Determinants of Female Employment in the Government Sector in Egypt" paper, or whatever the title was. I don't care, and I am assuming no one else does.

Today we are exactly one month away from my 24th birthday, and I don't really know how I feel about that. Every single birthday I had ever since I turned twenty makes me feel like I am going through a quarter-life crisis. Don't ask, I really don't know why..

I guess it is because this is when I evaluate things, and see where I am at in my life and such. And it just highlights my tendency to forget that each one of us lives their lives at their own pace. Life in no race, if someone gets to where they are before you do, it is never a big deal. Because:

You don't necessarily want to be where they are.
You are not anyone else.

I have been thinking about what I want for my birthday and I realized I have had this obsession with vintage things for the longest time, and I have never really gotten anything vintage. I mean, I have worn my grandmother's clothes, but that's pretty much it.

I am in love with this dress! It's the perfect shade of blue. here

I am in love. Here

That's all I have so far!

Love!

2011-07-17T21:45:00.002+02:00

I am having a very bad day. Or maybe I am not, I just took a nap and woke up in a really bad mood. I had spend the day in a workshop about some youth survey and its dataset and STATA. Yes, not a good day.

And then, I got an email which made my day basically. From my partner in the Happy Mail Project THANK YOU, Astrid.

here

Then, I started talking to my boyfriend about how I have made so many friends through this tiny space here. I have cried to some, I like to think I have helped some. I have some on BBM (more? email me, and we exchange pins!) I have received gifts from some. Like the great art Maria-Thérèse makes! The photos and WARMTH Shokoofeh's posts spread.

The doodles Missy used to post, and Micaela and just..omg a lot of you girls!
And Hermia, and how great it was working on Diamond in the Rough

Randi and how Elle came into the world and the wedding, and Micaela's wedding, all of our breakups and new jobs and travels and friends. It is all so beautiful. And Farah! Oh how I am happy for Farah, congratulations, love! And how I felt bad when April did when her summer plans didn't work out.

And this lovely lady right here :)
And Anna! Who doesn't love Anna?

Also, Taylor, because I feel like I have known Taylor forever.

And Liz! I have missed Liz, and when she came to visit and how fun it was.
You are part of why I am happy and I just want you to know that. Always, and I'm not just saying that. I really do mean it.

I hope you are all having a great day :)

PS If you are not mentioned here doesn't mean you are not special, you know? This would include you lovely ladies: you, you, you, you and you!

I'm Alive!

2011-07-13T10:25:00.005+02:00

Oh hello, new blogger!!

This is so weird! Has it been that long since I last posted?...yeah. I guess.

But since I am procrastinating and should be writing about the Egyptian labor market, and female participation in the labor force, particularly; why females are over-represented in the government and education sectors....I am going to write a blog post instead!

I found this on Missy's blog (Aren't you glad she's back? I AM!)

1. Mood: Bored, oh so bored, but happy - something happened today (I'll tell you all about that later, when I am ready to)
2. Wearing flip-flops to work: yea or nay? NAY
3. Last outdoor concert you went to? A concert at the Azhar Park where the Lebanese band Mashrou' Leila was performing. I had a GREAT time.
4. I’m secretly terrified of…needles
5. One day, I’d really like to have nothing to worry about.
6. I’d like to sing a duet with Regina Spektor.
7. Have you ever tried to hide a tattoo with makeup? No tattoos...
8. Things you say/sing to your pet all the time: And no pets..
9. Do like the taste of raw cookie batter? YES YES, OH YES!
10. Weekly goals: Finish my literature review and actually start writing my paper.

I think it's pretty neat, the new editor that we have here.
I know this is pretty random but bear with me okay? You know the "Hey it's ok" section in Glamour? That's my favorite. And I wanted to do something similar on here, since my life is almost falling apart here.

here

So here it goes:

Hey, it's OK!

To not shower after the gym (till the next day) because you just have no time
To have eyebrows that look more like a mustache, because, again, you have not time.
To not remember when the last time you weren't tired was.
To have a cupcake for dinner.
To lose count of the cups of coffee you have in a day.

On Being My Own Hero

2011-07-04T11:05:00.000+02:00

I have depended on quite a few people in my life. And I have lost them all but a few.
I have lost people to death, to disappointment and to...life, if I may say.

And this is when I taught myself how to be selfish.

My life and plans had always depended on a person or more, but they always revolved around someone that is not me. And then I finally realized that I should be the center of my life, and everything orbits around me. Because this is my life, and I have to make something out of it.

I have had a full time job for 17 months now, and I have slowly gained financial independence (that's not counting my grad school tuition fees that my parents pay..I know) And after a (not so) few heartbreaks, I learnt not to plan ahead, just to have a general, flexible outline, somehow.

So, inspired by mother*, who studied political science and literature and has worked as an English teacher for as long as I can remember (I like to think it was because I was born when she was a graduating senior), in my head, I decided the following:

If I am ever to get married, I want it to be by the time I am 26 (I, sometimes, believe I will die alone, a lot.)
I need to finish my PhD before I am 30.
I never want to live away from my family.
I want to make a change, and do something for my country.

I don't know when and why - let alone how - that list happened, given that the numbers are somehow random. There's a but. There's always a but! I hate buts..

here

But...things change. And it just makes me lose faith in planning altogether, because I don't believe in near-future-planning, this list is my idea of planning. And even that doesn't seem to work out.

So when I decide that my world revolves around me, and that I am my own hero, something(one) happens and changes everything. I don't know how I feel about that.

Will my life ever be truly mine?

In one month and 22 days, I turn 24 and it is scaring the life out of me. Twenty-four, TWO years away from target age I and SIX years away from target age II. Will I make it? Am I going to?

July is always a scary, scary month.

*My mother got married when she was 20, I was born when she was 22 and she graduated a semester late because of...me.

End Sexual Harassment (for a better Egypt)

2011-06-20T10:06:00.000+02:00

I was walking down a Cairo street, like I usually do, trying to reach my destination.
I try to control my anger, I try to hold back the tears.
Like I usually do.

I try to block the words they say and the looks they give...the sounds they make..
Like they usually do.

"I want to have my penis inside you"
"Look at that ass"
"You have such luscious boobs/lips"

And the dirty, dirty looks on their dirty, dirty looking faces and they make me want to slap them. But I keep the rage within me.
Like I usually do.

I want to complain, I want to explain to people how demeaning and degrading that feels, how it generates so much negative energy within me. Such disdain.

It makes me forget all the good things I know about myself, that I am a smart young woman, that I am a respectable and respected young woman. That I am a lot better than those sleazy men. And if anything, yes, I should look down on them rather than be objectified by them.

here

I was driving back home, with my cousin, again, like I usually do. It's one of the narrower streets, barely two lanes wide.

Him and his friend decide it would be fun if they drive next to us in their big SUV and swerve their car closer to ours on the small street. I try not to panic, and not to look to my right. I turn the music up so I don't hear what they're saying; infuriating. They've been following us for a while, and I sense it's becoming more dangerous.

I change routes and they're still following us.
I enter my grandmother's building's garage. Stay in there for a while, as I cautiously make my way out, they were gone.

I am lucky. To have never been touched by such sordid beings, to have never had an encounter per se and for that I am thankful. But this doesn't mean it has never happened, because it has. It has happened and it has happened a lot. All forms of sexual harassment, even veiled girls get harassed. (so it's never about what you were wearing) and it happens all day (it's not about you staying out late)

I don't know why it happens, but I know that it should end.
I should be able to walk down the street knowing that I am worth much, much more than to be objectified, and than to be forced to bear with it because if I take it to the police station, I will get harassed, again, by the police officer.

Guardian Angels

2011-06-19T06:31:00.000+02:00

I believe in guardian angels. Or maybe just guardian beings.

Or in simpler terms, I believe that some people are sent your way to protect you, or are there at this specific moment in time to save you. When I first met my boyfriend, my car had broke down as I was just about to enter a parking lot, and it turns out his driver was around. And no, that's not what I mean by people being there to save you.

Yesterday, I was driving back from Sokhna with both my sisters and my cousin with me in the car, we had convinced my father to let us spend the night as he went home with my brother and my (other) cousin's son.
We had just left the gas station without checking the tires and it wasn't long before I lost control of the car and it just kept swerving on the highway (my sister thought I was playing) thank god I didn't break which I heard makes it worse.

The boyfriend was there. He had gone to Sokhna with his friends and we had planned to go back to Cairo, have lunch and then he goes home to study. But with a flat tire, four girls and no spare tire (in sight) he was our only hope.

A few phone calls later, he managed to fix the spare tire in place, we drove back to the gas station, they supposedly fixed my main tire, installed it and we were on our way again.

A bit less than fifteen minutes later, the same thing happened again, this time boyfriend installed the spare tire and we had to drive all the way back at a speed of 80 km/h and it took so long. Sokhna is an hour away, it took us 5 hours to get to Cairo yesterday.

I believe he was there to help us. And save us from all the harassment that could have happened yesterday. (four girls asking for help on a highway is not the best of ideas) He was there for a reason yesterday, and I don't know what could have happened had he not been there. I really don't, and I don't want to begin to imagine.

We could have gotten into a serious accident, all of us. We're safe and that is all that matters, right?

Update (Finally)

2011-06-06T15:54:00.000+02:00

here

I'd be lying if I said I have a lot of things to do and that I have been too busy to blog. Because, the truth is, I am just waiting for my grades to come out. I have been trying to catch up with things that classes have kept me from doing. And today, my grades are out and I did okay (I did well, I guess, I just never like to admit it)

Things like...seeing my best friend. Going to the writing workshop I am part of, or just spending time with my brother. And remember how I used to complain about not having any work to do? Yeah, I don't even get the chance to leave my desk anymore. It feels so good! It feels so good leaving work and people telling me you look tired, and me replying "uh, it's work" instead of "you look depressed" and I used to say "I hate my job"

I don't know if I am happy about that.

I am finding it really hard to believe that it is June already when January feels like yesterday- it really does. I remember January very clearly, even more so the echoing of hundreds or thousands of voices as the square shook with anger. It was like yesterday.

I remember getting an iPod for Valentine's day (because how can I forget that?) and it was our first Valentine's! Then the months all blend together, I don't really remember what happened in March, or April, or May. I mean, nothing that makes the months stand out.
I feel like I am forgetting things that are important (ones that have happened in March, or April, or May) and that I am making a big mistake saying they were not so important months. But hey, it's okay!

I guess.

I had a brilliant, brilliant weekend and for that I am thankful. It really was a beautiful weekend filled with smiles and good food (the best things in life, more or less.)
I love the summer, it's just a very festive season with everyone getting married and engaged and myself having to dress up; something I don't get to do as often as I would like, but I actually get to go to the hair dresser's to do my hair and maybe even dye my hair (tons of grey) I get to wear makeup (and not just kohl) and buy dresses (also one of the best things in life)

This weekend I have an engagement outing and a Katb ketab (pre-wedding contract signing...or something along the lines of) to attend, and next Thursday, a wedding! I am so excited!

Friday!

2011-05-20T13:12:00.000+02:00

1. People always tell me I look like my brother, who is but a 10 year old boy version of me.. my boyfriend's sister thinks I look like Alyssa Milano .

2. Friends don't let friends down .

3. A sunny day is perfect for going for a coffee outdoors and taking walks and enjoying the sun .

4. My favorite accessory is jade necklace boyfriend got me 10 days into our relationship and my silver rings .

5. If I could afford it I would buy an iPad and travel to Amsterdam, Beirut and Paris this summer .

6. The cure for boredom is Tumblr and Pinterest .

7. I am currently "in like" with the gym, good music and finally(!!!!) work .

I have at least missed reading the questions and Lauren's answers last week! So I had to do the Friday fill-ins this week! I hope everyone has a great weekend, the weather is perfect here in Cairo. So I am sending you some of that if you are less fortunate weather-wise.

Swaps!!

2011-05-19T15:57:00.000+02:00

Two posts!!

(Yeah, I can't believe it either)

(can you tell that I am really, really bored?)

But hey, I think everyone should be a part of these:

April's Pampered Swap Deadline to sign up: June 1st, 2011

Gracie's Happy Mail project, which is a snail mail group, and I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I love snail mail.

Random much?

2011-05-19T15:27:00.000+02:00

here

I want to travel the world and take pictures in tiny bookstores. Tiny bookstores that have all the books you could ever dream of having- vintage copies with notes written in them.

I want to take pictures of bookstore fronts. With my bicycle parked outside, because I live in a city where it is impossible for a girl to ride a bicycle on the street (you'd get sleazy men verbally harassing you)

I tried writing 2 posts over the past (almost) two weeks, but it felt like I was forcing myself to and I hate doing that. Remember how I was complaining about work and finding no work to do whatsoever? Well, we have a new senior boss and I got to work my (not so little) butt off.

I went back to working out as well, I try to work out 5 days a week, I intend on going back to 7 days a week when the semester ends since my workout has been "upgraded" and it feels so good.

The past four short paragraphs all started with an I, does this imply that I am self-centered? Tell you the truth, I kind of am. As much as I would like to think that I am a selfless person, this is not always the case, I have learnt that some matters you need to be selfish about; for your own good.

And that was a very random post brought to you by a very bored government employee trying to waste the last 30 minutes of the work week.

Also, don't forget to smile, it's what keeps you young at heart.

Music and Haikus

2011-05-07T12:57:00.002+02:00

I don't remember when it was that I first tried writing haikus. But I remember that it was during one of the summers I had spent in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. But, I know that I want to start writing hiakus again, and I want to be good at it.
I wrote this today, and I don't know if it counts as a haiku:

Light breeze in my hair,

You smile, as lightly I twirl.

You become the sun.

Does it? Well, it was inspired by a tweet I had written the other day that said "twirl me and I shall forever make you my sun"

Yes, twirl me and I shall forever make you my sun. And that tweet was inspired by something that happened earlier this week, or the week before;

Boyfriend and I were walking and there was this beautiful breeze and he twirled me. I smiled, I smiled as I realized how much I love him.

here

I know this sounds cheesy, but...you know? And by forever making him my sun, I don't mean that my world shall revolve around him, I mean that he's an integral part of my universe, a place where we both belong as we both exist as two separate entities- not losing the sense of who we are. And now that I thought about it, a star and a planet, because that's what we are; very different.

It's been a great weekend. Yesterday, the lovely Hany Mustafa performed and oh does he have a heavenly voice! This song I can listen to over, and over again:

Here's a song from last night. And tonight, I am going to see Mashrou' Leila.
I haven't done that in a while and I am glad that I get to enjoy great music even though it's a very, very busy weekend.

Maybe.

2011-04-28T14:59:00.000+02:00

I have had it with clouds and to-do lists. I have had it with the negativity that surrounds me, of being left behind. Of feeling like I have to go the extra mile, or make the call first, or drive to wherever everyone is, why is it that I have to call and not be the one who gets called? Why is it that I have to be the one to go to places?

here

I am not being snobbish or anything, I just want to stay still.

I want to stay here. To sit still and not move and have everything around me move; and I watch. I observe. And see all the details, the look that lasted one second too long. The touch that lingers for that extra split second. The moment your coffee goes cold, the fraction of a centimeter my brother grows everyday. The one extra grey hair I get, or my sister, or my mother, or my father.

I want to watch it all happen, and take note of it all, and write it all down.

12:01 pm: I make coffee.

(I leave it on the table for too long while I do things that might or might not matter)

12:15:39 pm: my coffee is on the cold side of warm.

(There's a breeze, a beautiful breeze that is on the chilly side of warm, the sun is a bit muted outside. And the highway to the beach is crowded; long weekend)

I want to live and experience the exact moment when the sea starts crawling backwards, and the moment it decides to come closer. I want to know what my skin thinks when it first touches the Red Sea after a long winter. It was a long winter. One during which I have yearned for the sea so many times, but never went. I finally went to say hi, even though it wasn't warm enough, I went in. Oh how I'd missed it.

I would do anything if only I knew I mattered. But do I?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Maybe I only matter to myself.
And maybe that's all that matters, all that will ever matter.

Yes, the royal wedding.

2011-04-27T20:57:00.000+02:00

I am probably the only one I personally know that is excited about the royal wedding. But, I have to be honest; I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE ROYAL WEDDING.

here

I am obsessing. I really am.
I want to know who designed the dress, and how the dress would look like, I want to know what shoes she'll wear and how her hair is going to be done. And so on.

I have been reading all about royal wedding etiquette and have been looking at tiaras and family trees.. Did you know that Kate Middleton is the first royal bride in over 350 years to not belong to a royal/aristocratic family?

I feel bad for her though, she has to measure up to Lady Diana's sense of fashion when- from what I have seen- she's not one to take risks or make fashion statements. Everything about her is....simple.

here

Do you think Prince William would want to be Duke? Will Miss Kate be Duchess or Princess Kate?

Is anyone planning anything special for the wedding? Fascinators? tea? pretty dresses?

2011-04-24T12:18:00.000+02:00

here

Happy Easter, everyone!

(Let me tell you about my)* boyfriend

2011-04-18T17:03:00.000+02:00

I think the first thing I remember my now boyfriend say - or talk about, was a story of Kasr El-Ainy hospital where he is an intern.

(First thing I remember telling him was ask how old he was, or what his surname was.) Yes, I do ask pretty awkward questions that might initially seem out of context, but my brain works in different way and there us always a reason behind why I asked what his surname was when he was saying how he was going to New York the following month for comicon.

(I did just write comicon)

He went, and we were boyfriend-girlfriend by the time he went.

So anyway, my boyfriend now blogs about the stories! One night he called, and told me about this girl and how she was following him and the first thing I asked was "Can everyone else see her?" I honestly thought she was a ghost.

I just thought I would share.

Well, you know...because I love him and stuff. Even though he plays games and watches shows and reads "graphic novels", I love him for giving up some of his geek-time (or a lot, rather) and spending it with me instead.

On a non-boyfriend note, I am sick and it's really hot outside, the weather sucks, I kind of hate Egyptian Springs. Or maybe just Cairene springs. On a non-boyfriend note as well, I am almost done with yet another semester. (and I hurt my knee)

And now I am off to check my reader (finally) and nurture my Pinterest obsession..

*I miss Hermia!

Planning

2011-04-12T14:29:00.000+02:00

I have no idea what to write but I feel the need to update my blog, so expect the most random of all things to read!

here

I realized, lately, that spontaneity is not always a good thing, because at one point in time, I felt lost. I am the kind of person who never has a plan, only broad lines I operate within, themes, maybe but never a specific, detailed plan, because things never go as planned.
But then something happened, and I was asked what my plan was, and I didn't know, and it was such a weird experience, to not know where you want to be or what you want to do.

I mean, I know I want to do my PhD after I am done with my master's, but that is only one dimension of my life. I don't know where I want to work, or what I want to be doing, after I leave here that is, which is going to be the first thing I do after I am done with my master's.

I want to write research papers but I don't know what I want to research.
I want to write a book. I want to cook again.

And by a camera and teach myself how to take pictures.

I want to spend time with Menna.
I want to travel and laugh and discover music. I want to spend all the time I can with my boyfriend.

And my family, who definitely don't come last on my list but, sometimes, it seems like they do. But that's not true.

So many things and I obviously don't have the time do everything I want, let alone the resources - the most important of which is the plan. I need to start planning, I need to go back to writing lists. But then, they would be lists of general themes, and I would only be very specific about certain things.

Because I need to feel human at the end of the day, and not mechanically shift from one goal to the other, or from one failed plan to another in hopes it would work out.

That wasn't so random, was it?

Debate about Egypt being an Islamic State

2011-04-05T12:43:00.000+02:00

Today at work, a colleague asked if I wanted Egypt to be a secular state, I initially said yes, for the sake of shocking her...for she is a very sheltered, strict Muslim - which I have nothing against.

What I want is a civil state in Egypt, one where your religion is not stated on your national ID, since it's of no use, we need blood types and not religions in case of emergencies.

She said she was too scared Egypt would turn into another Sudan.
I argued that what happened in Sudan, the civil war and the division of Sudan into two states was solely due to Omar El-Bashir, now president of Northern Sudan insisting on Sudan being an Islamic state while in fact there is a huge portion of the population belonging to other religions and cultures, he forced the people to use the Arabic language and he mainly acted like it was an Arab colony on African land.
What happened in Sudan happened because of Sharia law being enforced on people. Limiting their freedom of choice and expression, which in turn lead to exclusion of people who were still essentially Sudanese.

She said Hijab (the veil) should be enforced by law.
I said do you mean that - me being a Muslim- my not being veiled I am less of a Muslim than you are? She said no...so I asked what her point was. She said that Egypt's Muslim conquest, lead by Amr ibn el Ass, transformed Egypt, automatically, into an Islamic state and it remained an Islamic state and that's how things should be. Because if "they" live in my country, they should follow my rules. I simply said, this is not your country, this is the Egyptians' country. We are a multi-cultural country and you should not enforce your culture on other people.
When Amr Ibn el Ass came to Egypt he never forced women to do anything, he never enforced his own culture on the Egyptians who were free to practice their religion and just live their lives normally. They were, however, taxed and now we are all taxed so that is not a point to be made. I told her that had the Islamic conquest happened today, no one would ever dare force me to cover my hair.

She said that "Cabarets" - by which she probably meant night clubs in general and alcohol should be prohibited.
I said then how are you supposed to control consumption and serving of alcohol? Such permits are merely means of regulation, and it is your choice to not go to "such places", however, some people choose to and they have every right to have the choice. And her argument was that my religion doesn't allow it, I told her some people aren't religious and some people's religions and cultures allow for it. I gave the example of the Netherlands and them allowing the consumption of hash and weed to control consumption, and how they are illegally dealt with and smuggled here in Egypt and if you do the same with alcohol you will have an even bigger problem.

She said that Egypt should be an Islamic state.
I said how do you trust someone else to decide for you means of practicing your religion and your just basic habitual things. How do you trust someone to represent such a personal thing as religion and rule you and your country accordingly. I said that under the Ottoman empire which was more or less and Islamic empire, prostitution was licenced and accordingly allowed. (correct me if I am wrong) and that as a Kingdom - starting 1922 - prostitution was still allowed and that was a means of regulation, merely. I asked her to explain how that fits within an Islamic context, and how that just highlights, even more, the need for separation of the state and religion. Mixing them would only mean limiting liberties and freedoms as well as tainting religion.
I said that enforcing a certain ideology would only lead to corruption, frustration and just plain chaos. She decided to use Saudi Arabia as an example and this is when I almost exploded saying that in KSA the veil is part of their culture and they don't do it for religious purposed, and that the whole underground culture can prove that, I said that the mixing of the state and religion has only lead to the jading of Islam to many Saudi Arabians.

And that was basically it. My point is that even for the people who believe that religion should be incorporated withing the state, this has never happened in Islam, and when it did, things went bad (Ask someone who was raised in Saudi and knows more about later caliphs)

A civil state is how things should be, it is how all rights are preserved and all freedoms are practiced. Or so I think.

I am...corrupt

2011-04-04T13:27:00.000+02:00

Well, I work for the government. And I work at one of the better government authorities, or so I like to think...

Anyway, working for the government what matters the most is that you come sometime from 8 to 8:30 am and leave not before 4 and this is how you are evaluated, and how you are monitored. Let's not forget to mention that if you come in at 8:35, it is as if you did at 9, so automatically, I think "uh, I'll never make it before 8:30, I will just lounge about for a while", and 9 turns to 10 at times.

here

So what I do is basically forge excuses (because we have to write paper excuses)
Does that make me corrupt? how corrupt will I be if everyone else does it? I mean, it's not just me, it literally everyone.

I am mostly late due to the lack of productivity at work, which is why I hate my job, pretty much.
I feel guilty, but doing it the right way didn't work either, and I do wake up early enough, it's just....meh, you know?

My goal for this week: wake up at 7 and leave the house at 7:30- 7:45 max.

Speaking of blogging your workplace, check this out, I am pretty optimistic about it, because the stories, oh the stories...

Easy April!!

2011-04-03T16:24:00.000+02:00

April started out pretty intensely.
On the first day of April, we experienced a minor earthquake, affected by the one that took place in Crete, Greece.
On the second day of April, there was a football match at the Cairo stadium and the fans were not searched on their way in and apparently, there was no policing whatsoever, so long story short, violence took place and spectators somehow found their way to the field.
On the third day of April, or rather, today, it rained! Real rain, which doesn't normally/regularly happen in Cairo (as opposed to Alexandria, for example)

And hence my tweet that it feels like the twelve days of Christmas.

The sun is out now and I am about to head to my sociology class, my day was weird.
And suddenly, I remember driving around with my mother's sunglasses on - very dark ones, unlike the brown ones I am used to...(I lost my sunglasses) - and seeing fresh flowers on their trees as they glowed. And only then did it feel like Spring.

The W(h)in(n)ing Post

2011-03-29T11:02:00.001+02:00

Whining.
Winning.
Ha.

I've been whining a lot lately. If not to boyfriend, then to myself.

here

Things that go along the lines of:

I hate my boobs, I wish I had smaller boobs so I'd wear low cut tops without people staring or me feeling self conscious, it would have also been so much easier for me to buy bathing suits. And bras. Cuter ones at least.
I need to fix my car. I say that every day, I've been saying that for, at least, the past month.
I need to study
I want to go to the gym more often! I feel fat, I have lost my muscles....they were so much stronger, I had abs of steel, where have they gone, I get tired more quickly now...UGH!
I hate how ill-informed the people are, it sucks, I wish they'd know better.
I am too young to have all that grey hair...this is unfair. So unfair. AND I am getting lines. LINES, LINES!!!! I don't want wrinkles, I am only 23....(anyone recommend any moisturizer?)
My brother is growing up, he's almost as tall as I am and his shoes are only 2 sizes smaller than mine. I am 14 years older than he is, this is just unfair, I am too scared to forget younger him. But I won't, right? Older him (now him that is) has the most curious green eyes and the sweetest smile. He makes me proud.
I HATE MY JOB. IT DEPRESSES ME. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. Yet, I love my boss and the girls I work with, TO BITS! They really are the best. My salary is okay, and we don't get to work at all (which sucks, it depresses me because I want to learn, and be productive) but my job is perfect for the time being, because I have all the time I can ask for to study.

There, I feel so much better now. I really do. If anyone has read all this, thank you for reading my list of complaints :)
I think I have been watching the news too much, and reading the newspaper more than I would like to. I need the break from all that, maybe. But I guess you understand, with everything that's going on in the country...

A list of gratitude is to follow soon.

On Teachers

2011-03-26T14:05:00.000+02:00

I have a midterm that I am dreading. It is due tomorrow in class, and being the procrastinator that I am, I have a ton of readings to do and it's just...hopeless.

It is hopeful, but you know how you want to scare yourself so you actually get off the computer and study? Yes, that is exactly what I am trying to do, and it doesn't seem to be working...

I am, instead, listening to Mindy Gledhill and reminiscing over school days and the teachers that have made a change in my life, who have left a remarkable mark. One of whom has added me on facebook today and it literally made my day, it made my day because she was one of the best teachers who have ever taught me and was full of smiles and optimism, I don't remember her ever being mad at my very mischievous class because we loved her. Mrs. Sadika :)

I also need some new music...any suggestions? Also, is it my excessive emotionalism or does everyone have a certain teacher or professor who have affected their lives immensely or not so immensely...but, you know?

Hug Me

2011-03-23T12:30:00.000+02:00

The vintage label on Tumblr is beautiful! I keep reblogging photos like there is no tomorrow. And it makes me feel like I don't belong here, like I was born in the wrong decade.

here

I feel like I should be in dresses all the time with lovely hair and red lipstick.

My best friend and her boyfriend called me "cloud" yesterday, referring to how I float maybe? or how I am not in touch with reality? I don't know..

A bit of Politics:
I was too depressed yesterday to be a cloud though, I am sad that I am represented in the media and such by people who I find relatively ignorant and I don't mean to say that in a derogatory manner. I mean, if you are going to meet with international figures, at least do your homework, know who you are meeting with and what they do, know how you could benefit from such meeting, brainstorm before you go to the meeting, know your input. Know your politics and economics, know who Jeffery Sachs is- at least!

I am talking about Wael Ghonim (who now has a wiki...) who sat with Ban Ki-Moon and very rudely spoke to him, I am talking about the people who call themselves the "the coalition of the youth of the revolution" who were also rude. I will not accept this. I am not rude, and I am not ignorant, and if there is something that I don't know enough about I will not participate, and I will listen and go home and read more about it...

I am sorry, but you do not represent me.

I want to travel, I really need it right now, and I want to attend a festival, and listen to good music, oh how I want to do that right now. Because I need a break from all of this, I need my mind to stop thinking and I need to stop the stream of thoughts and the insane amounts of news and articles and events that need to be processed.

I need a very big hug from the universe.

Like the World is Ending

2011-03-13T11:17:00.000+02:00

My heart goes out to Japan.

When I woke up to the news, all I could think was whether the world really is coming to an end...whether 2012 was a wrong year and maybe it was 2011 and not 2012... I mean, the earthquake in Japan and tsunami in the Pacific Ocean AND all the uprisings in the Middle East.

I am not saying that I am right and I am not saying that I really think the world is coming to an end.

But all I could think of was how this could be the end of capitalism. Yes, and I was singing in my head "Capitalism is falling down, falling down, falling down. Capitalism is falling down, my fair lady."

An Economic Bit:
I am going to speak about economics for a bit, because at the end of the day, it is what I do.

If technology is what shifts a country's PPF curve upward (After having reached maximum capacity) so the country can grow, and if Japan is technology central, or the technology capital of the world if I am to speak in more formal terms...

Then, if Japan is to recover in let's say 3-5 years, technology generation will slow down, and accordingly no new technologies will be applies to production techniques, efficiency will not increase, and global production will not be able to keep up with population growth.

I know this is a very grim view. But, let's assume I am right.

If I am right, then a crisis might happen, and that crisis to come would be the mirror image of what happened in the US Financial crisis- such that the financial crisis has caused demand shortages or collapse, the Japanese technological crisis would be a crisis of supply.

And so, Capitalism is falling down.

End of economic bit.

here

Now, what I want to say is that, it might not really be the end of the world, but it feels like it, it seems like it is the end of the world. Maybe the universe is trying to tell us that it's time. It is time to stop procrastinating and putting all our plans or hopes or dreams on hold. It is time to rise up, rise up and never be the same again. It is time for something new.

It is time to dare.

It is time to finally do it. And no, there's no time for us to wait- not tomorrow, do it today. Do something new everyday, or something old you've wanted to do for a while. Anything! Just do something, because there is no time for waiting. Nothing waits.

Bikya Book Cafe

2011-03-11T12:50:00.000+02:00

You know that the universe is a beautiful place when you know a place like that exists.

This is not an interview sort of thing, it's just a post of appreciation.
A tribute to my new favorite place, and that is not even an exaggeration.

(Unintentional rhyme)

A post of appreciation for the beautiful, intelligent girls whose dreams brought this place to life, for the colors that feel so much like home, for the great playlist.

Appreciation for the second hand books and the coffee combined. And the comfortable seats and board games. For every little thing this little cafe is.
It's a lovely place, really.

Now Bikya Book Cafe is 8 days old as of today, and yes, I am pretty sure I am not just speaking for myself when I say it has become a favorite. It is a lot of people's favorite new place; it feels like an extension of your own perfect living room. You know, the living room you always imagine would have when you look at pictures in magazines. (and it never does)
Well, Bikya is an variation of the living room you've always wanted.

I just found the perfect description!

They hold performances of all kinds (I have attended music and stand-up comedy) and well, have I mentioned this place serves a perfect (THE perfect) peanut butter shake?

So yes, if you live in Cairo and haven't been there yet, then you definitely should, you're missing out on the spirit and the vibe and all that. Very youthful and inspiring.

I believe it is by far the best thing that has happened to Madinet Nasr (Nasr City), since I really hate the area but Bikya is on a quiet street of Abbas El Akkad so the noise doesn't reach you.

Click on the photos to enlarge, they were all sent to me by one of the girls behind the genius that is Bikya (I just quoted myself) and well, in this photo above you can see Hany Mustafa performing.

Follow Bikya on Twitter here

Reminder

2011-02-28T10:44:00.000+02:00

And I have missed this place.

My semester has started and I had registered (before the entire revolution/uprising) for a soc "Modern Social Movements" class and econ "Project Evaluation" and then it all happened...

And I think my sociology class could never have been more interesting.

No, I won't write about the uprising again, or maybe not this time...

here

Because I need some "me" time. I don't think I have had time for myself in the past year, and it has affected me in so many ways...it has affected how I see myself and my relevance within my circle, my world...

Because people evolve, yet some people will never change, and they will have the same binding thoughts and worries and they will never grow, why? because they don't know who they are and where they belong and why they are here. And the fact that they are here is in itself a good enough reason...a good enough answer to the eternal question of "why am I here?"

I refuse to be one of those people.

I have let myself slip, I let go, somehow and suddenly, I realise it, or not...suddenly, it was pointed out to me and it was such a shock.. It was a shock to me that who I thought I was/am and who people think I am are two different people, my self awareness was just no longer there..

I matter. I matter because I exist and I have a voice, and I have a mind that thinks brilliantly, and so does everyone else. That, I should never forget. Everyone has a voice, and opinion and a thought and everyone deserves to be heard and listened to.

It is exhausting as I write this, and I don't feel like proof reading... I hope I am not spreading negative energy through this post, but I felt I needed the reminder.

Guest Post

2011-02-19T12:53:00.000+02:00

Today: Please read my guest post over at Priya's blog. Who was very kind to have asked me to take part in a series about what love is. Love, to me, is unconditional.

I hope you enjoy it and please do share thoughts!

Blanks!

2011-02-19T00:49:00.000+02:00

here

1. I am infinite. I am first born and a first grandchild (spoilt). in love, patriotic, Muslim..I am also short .

2. The bravest thing I've ever done was drive around after military curfew .

3. I feel prettiest when I'd just worked out and when I dress up (rarely) .

4. Something that keeps me awake at night is twitter and if I have an important deadline approaching .

5. My favorite meal in the entire world is sushi! or stuffed vine leaves .

6. The way to my heart is attentiveness and actually listening .

7. I would like to be part of drafting a new constitution for my country, or part of a civic awareness campaign .

Because I haven't done Lauren's fill-in-the-blanks in a while. And because I have been blogging too much about Egypt and the revolution and I needed a break. Have you seen the wiki? I love it.

I honestly hope that everyone in the Greater Middle East is safe from government brutality. (Yemen, Bahrain, Libya, Iran, Algeria) And I specifically mean someone but I won't mention names. I really hope you are fine- I really do.

Today, I go back to normalcy: back to the gym!

The Winning Square

2011-02-16T22:47:00.000+02:00

here

Tahrir square was a joyful place, a peaceful place. You go in and you instantly smile.
On the 11th of February, a 30 year old rule has ended, and an uprising succeeded. We won. We are the champions. We are, at least that was the song playing through my head as I screamed and jumped and laughed and cried all at the same time as soon as Omar Soleiman delivered the news on television.

It was divine.

On Saturday, I woke up with a smile on my face, a lightness of heart and being, it was beautiful! I was free! My country was free! He finally left...
Everyone went to Tahrir to clean the square, and you could see freedom. You could touch it and taste it and breathe it in the air, you could feel it hug you.

Articles: here and here
Among the crowds, a lovely lady I had locked eyes with seconds earlier stopped me asking me if I was Sara, she said she follows my blog, and I couldn't stop smiling. I just couldn't and it felt amazing in that overwhelming way.

I felt so....happy, so happy that I make someone smile, happy that I inspire someone- because...this is all I want- to make someone smile. I don't know if she would want me to name her, but thank you, you made my day. You were like a good omen on an already beautiful day. Our first day of freedom.

Valentine's Day:

I hope everyone had a beautiful Valentine's day. I sure did. It was special in its simplicity. Boyfriend and I helped deliver a gift, and we were stuck in traffic for a good portion of the day, which was fun. Then we had dinner. And guess what he got me!! an iPod!! (Yes, he's the best)

He's the best because we can be silly together, among other things. We can be serious, too. He's the best because he gives the best hugs ever.

we did it!

2011-02-11T19:10:00.001+02:00

WE DID IT!! Our revolution was successful!

While We Wait

2011-02-10T20:49:00.000+02:00

The day Wael Ghonim finally surfaced (state security had detained him, more like kidnapped him) he was interviewed on one of the channels (Dream 2) and he rekindled the strength of the entire generation, if not the entire nation. He made us all cry...

That was a Monday night, on Tuesday, everyone went to Tahrir, it was insanely crowded, beautifully so, though.

(My parents only stopped me from going on that day I mentioned in the post before this one, after which I went once, and it was depressing in the sense that it has turned into a festival and not a protest, it was Woodstock-esque, which is not bad but I sensed that the spirit was dying out...it was that night that Ghonim showed up)

Tuesday was beautiful. Pure and beautiful. I freaked out a bit and kind of fainted because of the huge numbers, boyfriend and best friend were there to the rescue, and people somehow made way for us so I could sit and breathe and everyone was so kind.

It is true that Tahrir square is the Egypt we all dream of, one where we would coexist and where people randomly start singing and paint and write poetry. An Egypt where people clean the streets and smile, it is beautiful in that revolutionary sense.

I worry for my country, because we need a blueprint, a plan...anything.

I wrote this this morning, now we are waiting for President Mubarak to give a speech...no one knows what he's going to say..but we've heard rumors.

Praying.

Egypt.

2011-02-05T00:29:00.000+02:00

Remember the post my friend posted for me on Friday?
You have no idea...
The amount of fear that possessed me that day, to cut a long story short, I submitted to my fear. I watched the protests from a distance, I saw this in the video as it happened, and the tear gas reached us.

It was heart breaking seeing the riot police being so brutal, a lot of people were killed that day, and even more were injured. And detained. From that Friday (the 28th of January) onwards we had no internet connectivity until I posted I was back. We had no cell phone coverage as well, we had to resort to using landlines. There was a curfew enforced. And a new government/cabinet.

A curfew.

Out of the ten days (So far) of protests, I only went three times, but I still consider those in Tahrir "us". I feel proud. I feel very proud.

The vigilantes help us feel safe after curfew, since the police forces are no longer on the streets, the army people are so friendly. So very friendly. And they actually smile back.

People usually harass you on the streets, but on Tuesday (the first) during the Million Man March, a million people in Tahrir, people standing so close, no one touched me inappropriately, or looked at me in such a way, or verbally harassed me or anything. The youth; my generation. RESPECT.

Yet, on Wednesday, "they" hired thugs to stage a pro-Mubarak protest, and they started the violence against those in Tahrir throwing stones, metal objects, storming among the crowds ON HORSES AND CAMELS carrying knives and so on. I wasn't there that day but my best friend was...more people died...

And then emerged the makeshift hospital. The next day people were taking supplies to the hospital and to the people in the square, two of my friends were attacked and "taken" but are now back...

And today was as peaceful as Tuesday, January the 25th. Or so they say- everyone I know went, or almost, but I was deprived my right to go. My right to protest, by my very own parents. I cried when I got the call from there, I felt so bad, so envious...I wanted to be there...

Because you don't understand...The amount of love I have for this country has no limits, I could die for Egypt, especially now; now that I know that it won't be in vain. My generation is making history and for that I am so proud. My generation is that of real men and strong women. And we made history, like patriots should when faced with oppression.

The beautiful thing about it is that Egyptians still find humor in the situation. My people are beautiful people.

Right now, I think we're in the process of bargaining. A wisdom committee was formed, and a general conflict of interests, like with every uprising, I suppose, no set of demands has been agreed upon yet...and with every day that passes, it becomes, personally, more depressing.

I pray for an absence of a deadlock, because that's the last thing we need. Oh God, please.

I am sorry if this is fragmented, my thoughts are all fragmented at the moment. Please pray for my country. And I cannot begin to thank you for your concern and prayers and comments, honestly and truthfully.

You make me smile. My people make me smile. My friends, family and boyfriend all make me smile.

back..

2011-02-02T13:24:00.002+02:00

It's me. I cannot begin to explain how thankful I am for everything.

I will take time to breathe and then post properly.

I LOVE YOU.

Sara's friend once more.

2011-01-31T22:30:00.000+02:00

I wish I had good news, but I don't.

At least so far I don't have bad news.

Have been unable to contact anyone in Egypt lately, so I have no clue if she's ok or not.

But hopefully she's ok.

Praying and fingers crossed.

Don't mean to alarm you, hopefully all is alright.

Sara's friend once again.

2011-01-30T08:15:00.002+02:00

Not much to report this time, Checked a few hours ago, and she's fine.

Situation is more stable now thanks to Vigilantes.

The Youth control the streets.

Sara's Friend again.

2011-01-29T21:04:00.000+02:00

I've managed to confirm that as of now (9 Pm Egypt time, 2pm eastern) That Sara is home safe.

However the country is in shambles.

Government thugs are roaming the streets looting and burning, Neighborhood watch groups are organizing to protect against the thugs, The Army is supposedly trying to help, but is spread thin.

Keep up whatever you're doing to help, and I pray that the next post will be by Sara herself.

Sara's friend again.

2011-01-29T04:48:00.000+02:00

I'm Sara's friend, It's been over 24 hours since I was last in contact with her. I have not been able to reach her since.

She asked me to post in case anything happened to her, but I don't even know if something happened to her. I have no clue if she was arrested, If she was hurt.... I have no real clue. I've tried everything to contact her, and failed miserably.

And it's driving me insane.

I do not think I have EVER been as worried as I am now.

I've been keeping up with the news and have been extremely active on twitter, and what I've seen so far was extremely hopeful, what might come next seems to most likely be extremely desolate. All signs point that the Regime is planning something ... disastrous.

I hope I'm wrong. I really do. I hope the next few days are as hopeful as what has come to pass already.

I ask you all to pray for her & the rest of the Egyptians, Pressure your governments , Call your senators, Harass the media, spread the word, do anything you can, even if it's something as simple as hoping they're all well.

Hopefully the next post will be by Sara herself, Doesn't seem likely, but we can always hope, can't we?

If she doesn't post again in the next 24 hours, I'll update you once more.

I pray that I don't have to.

Just in case anything happens

2011-01-28T02:21:00.000+02:00

Note: I am posting this on behalf of Sara. They (Egypt) is on complete communication lock-down at the moment and blocked off from the rest of the world. I was supposed to post this at 10Am Egypt time, but since my connection is under attack, I thought it would be better to get this out asap. Pray for them. Pray for all of Us. If i find out anything and need to post it, with her blessing i will, provided my connection holds up.
--------------------------------------------------------------

I am beginning to freak out. I am going to do this. I am going to do this. I am going to do this.

I am.

For the future me to not hate me…For my country..For my brother and for my family… For everyone. I am only one among thousands, in hopes of reaching a million Egyptians.

Everyone is advising me against it. But I want to do it. I can hear the sirens outside, and my brother is randomly hugging me, telling me he's worried and concerned. My grandmother is acting all weird. My mother went to bed, and my dad is being sarcastic. I went to the supermarket for "supplies". I will be fine, right?

My fingertips are cold. People keep saying that the CS will have no mercy as ordered by the Ministry of Interior; they have started blocking websites already. And internet and cell phone providers are giving up on the Egyptians.

I know this all sounds exaggerated but...I am scared. And I feel like it's my duty to go to the protest tomorrow. I got a very touching email today from a friend and a sister from another country, and I know she might not want me to name her, but you know who you are. I cried. I love you, too.

I love everyone on here how has touched me. Everyone has in so many ways. I love you Liz, and Shokoofeh, and Taylor and Maria-Thérèse... and everyone really.

And, Dr. Abdel Aziz Ezz El Arab, thank you for making me believe that anything is possible, that everything is possible. Thank you for making me believe in myself (Again, and again, and again)

I also cannot begin to explain the amount of love I have for my family BOTH my sisters, yes, I love you, too Sondos. And Salma, for we have been through everything together throughout our lives. Everything…And my brother, I do everything for my brother; I love him beyond words, beyond everything imaginable. He is my little baby, I have raised him and I am so proud to be this little brat's eldest sister. I love you Saeed.

And my parents, I love both my parents even though my mum might think otherwise. I owe everything I am to my parents and Said (my late grandfather) and Nana my grandmother. Pappy, I am thankful for everything you are and everything you have done for me and you too, Mummy. I am just scared they would take me and keep me for a bit, that's all. I am not going to die or anything. They're not going to shoot at us, right?

I love you, too countless cousins, all of you, really. And Menna, it’s safe to say you are the best friend I have ever had. And everyone I called my best friend along the years. (Yes, Sondos F, you too.) And Sara Abdel Azim, and Yasmine Khalil, and Sherine Mohammed) Amr Galal and Hayek, I don't think I need words, for you know how much you mean to me. I am not dying or anything, that's only in case they take me.

Azul, I miss you and I love you.

Ahmed. Well, you'll be with me tomorrow, right? Thank you for finding me. Twitter is helping with the protests and it was the reason for our existence.

I am doing this for my country, my own world. My own country, my Nile and my Red Sea, my Alexandria, too. This is for everyone who lost their lives on the bad roads, and due to depression, for everyone who lost their lives as a result of police brutality. My you all rest in peace.

This is for the hope for change.

This is for Iran. Maybe, this time we'll make it work.

Yes, this maybe a bit too exaggerated, but I feel better now that I have written it. At least, now, just in case anything happens, and they take me, you will know. Everyone will know. I will give my password to a friend, to let you know if they take me. If they take me, or anyone I know, please contact them.

On Tahrir

2011-01-26T19:51:00.002+02:00

Yesterday we went to Tahrir square.
Yesterday we shook the square with our voices. And oh how great it felt to listen to the voices echo through the streets.

The blocked twitter.
I don't see why they would do that, I mean, we are all for freedom of expression and transparency and....why? Because it's the government of Egypt, that's why..

Realtime results, however, are helpful, thank you google.
These photos are amazing, at night there were more people. Also, the videos are everywhere.
And the articles include this, this, this and this

My sister had gone to Shobra, and they attacked them (central security did) but my sister was fine. My best friend went through Kasr el Eini on her way to Tahrir, and they also attacked them, my best friend was fine.

My boyfriend, his sister, and friends and I walked across Kar El Nil bridge to Tahrir, and they wouldn't let us walk through but we managed, and we were on the side walk and somehow I started crying, because I wanted to be on the street, I wanted to be with the rest of the people. I saw Wessam, and joined him, and his friends, then I found my best friend and her boyfriend.

I saw glimpses of my boyfriend, twice before they started the tear gas, and before the network coverage was cut off. The best thing I had done was let my parents know where I was, after I had left the house.

I love my country. And I have never witnessed something as big. I am happy I went, I would go again. For myself, for the country and for my brother and people his age. I would go again so that when I stand in front of the mirror and ask myself "What have you done?" I would say that I have tried, I would know that I have tried. And with trying comes the possibility of success. That is all that matters.

Today it's much more violent, more police everywhere, and it's crazy. Detaining a lot more people. A lot more people. I didn't go today, I was advised against it, by a much more experienced person. So I didn't go. I feel bad for not going, but I fear for my parents- they would hate for anything to happen to me.

Mass protests are going out on Friday. Also, you have to check this.

I Still Remember

2011-01-18T16:05:00.000+02:00

here

Have I forgotten?

I might have.

Yesterday, I spent time with my family, all of them; my father told me a story from when I was three. I am surprised I remembered. He had found this dove (I used the word because it's poetic) in his car trunk, long long ago when he was doing his PhD. He fed her and took care of her, he would feed her every morning before he started studying and the quality time we would spend with him (my sister was 36 months at the time) was when he would let the dove fly across the street and come back to stand on his shoulder. I remember the exact moment.

I remember it...and that is probably the earliest memory I have of my father.

No, I did not forget.

"There's someone who paints the sky, with their eyes, each day, every way.” I Wrote This For You

I want to paint the sky, with the colours of the sunset, and those of the sunrise. I want to watch them paint the sky, at least. I miss watching the sky change its colors, and I miss having all the changes reflect on the sea.
Do I envy you? I guess I do.
I want to read again, and write again, I want to sit in a garden and laugh so loud, so much that my head hurts.

My Eyes

2011-01-17T15:48:00.000+02:00

here

Today I realised this blog has documented a lot about me.
On the 17th of January of 2003, my grandfather passed away, and I have written about it before. And I am dealing with it in a different way this year; eight years later.

I have learnt to deal with loss, and I have learnt that no matter how you idolise a person, this doesn't make them less human, this doesn't make them perfect- only perfect in your eyes.

To me, my eyes are all that matter.
To me, my grandfather was the greatest grandfather in the world. And that is all that matters.

I miss you, Said.

And She's Back!

2011-01-16T22:26:00.000+02:00

I have been busy with my cousin, Jen, who went back to England on Friday; the day it rained, and it hailed, and it was unbelievable. The streets were soaked and it took us almost three hours to get to the airport. As opposed to the usual 40 minutes, it was funny. I had a headache, and spent most of the time sleeping...stupid headache.

But it was funny!

We made it five minutes before the check-in desk was shut, and we had to say our goodbyes really quickly, I cried after I finally went back home, well, because I'll miss Jen.My mum and sisters had sushi after; lots and lots of sushi. It was fun, I don't remember the last time I went out with my sisters and mother.

here

Friday, was the first post-colonial revolution in North Africa. Tunisia. I feel so proud, and hopeful. Compared to Egypt, however, Tunisia is a much smaller country in terms of population, the working age population in Tunisia is around 7 million while in Egypt; 50 million... and all I could listen to was Emel Mathlouthi.

On Thursday, I finally did it. I FINALLY, FINALLY did it. I got a fringe/bangs!! I was so scared, I had wanted to do that for so long. I finally did it, and I got a bit of a trim, because I am trying to grow my hair out.

Yes, that's what I have been up to, and today, I had a talk with the authority's vice president and I couldn't believe how I gave the chance for someone to tell me that I am being pessimistic, I am by far one of the most optimistic people I know. I am optimistic to the extent that I am not realistic, too unrealistic at times, even.

If I get a raise, I might stay. I will create my own learning experiences. One should not wait for opportunities, because we create our own experience and opportunities. Right?

That Which Needed to be Said

2011-01-03T10:30:00.000+02:00

I didn't really have any plans for new year's this year, not that I ever really have plans for that day, I usually spend it with my family, or in my room reviewing and reflecting on the year that has passed and setting goals for the year to come. This year I went to bed early, only to wake up to the worst news ever.

Some idiot- some worthless, insane, ignorant idiot decided to kill people.

Some ignorant, backward minded person decided to kill innocent people. To bomb a car near the entrance of a church when people were praying inside. And I know that regardless of what the person thought, or who told him to do it, or anything, there is no way this person is going anywhere but straight to hell.
This Earth knows no justice, or at least this country doesn't, yet there is a deity that wouldn't accept such inhumanity.

I will not mention anything about the sectarianism this has sparked, because generally, the country, the people have grown more passive, more aggressive and more backward minded than ever...close minded, too. Things were as bad, in terms of bombings and attacks based on religion, in the eighties and early nineties, but shouldn't we be going forward?
One thing I don't get is how and why is the minister of interior still in office...I really, really don't get it. But then again there is a lot of things that I will never get about this country.

I also don't get why Egyptians should need protection among fellow Egyptians, I don't get how someone should need intensified security within the borders of their own country.
This is heartbreaking.
It is also heartbreaking that you get little children asking each other in the playground whether they are Christian or Muslim. This is sad. So very sad. We are going through a process of social retardation. Social and state retardation.

And you wonder why the well educated leave? Why those who truly care leave? You wonder why those who have a sense of patriotism tend to lose it? You wonder why those who love the country are always let down? You wonder why those who ever wanted to make a change turn into nothing but a figure added to your GNP? And why even the slightest glimpse of hope fades away so easily?

Well, now you know why.

This country broke my heart, and only those you love can break your heart.

2010

2010-12-30T14:15:00.000+02:00

I guess it's time for the year in review. This year has flown by like no other. Maybe it's the fact that I am part of the 9-5 cycle. Or maybe that so much has happened this year..
Shokoofeh posted this beautiful, beautiful post! And this is just..perfect.
This post was inspired by Gala Darling's year in review post.

here

Family
This year two of my cousins got married. A cousin of mine became a father, and we lost a cousin's husband to cancer, leaving behind a 6 and 2 year old.
This year, my sister presented at the APA convention thing (and turned 21). My brother has evolved into this witty young, young man. This year I turned 23 among family, no party, nothing.

My father came back from Saudi Arabia to live with us after seven years of being away.As much as I had dreaded that, it turned out to be a good thing; I have bonded with my father as an adult, and that made me realize so many things.
I realized that my father is almost always right, regardless of what could sometimes be a poor way of expression. He is a very wise man, a very smart and caring man. My father, shortly after I had gotten to know my boyfriend, sat me with him on the balcony and told me not to go about recklessly handling my heart, I had no idea what he was talking about, because it was only the third time I had met my almost doctor, but my dad could feel it. And thank God, I am not being reckless about my heart.

Jen came back to visit this month!

Ends
This year- what in retrospect seemed like a mentally abusive relationship, ended. I caused a lot of pain for my ex-boyfriend. I left the relationship almost believing no one will love me the same way, that I was a wreck and no one else would bear with me- because he "fixed me"..I had to ask for permission every time I leave the house, before I hug a male friend, a male cousin even...

My iPod died, and my laptop. My relationship with facebook has ended, and my addiction to Farmville.

Beginnings
In September of this year, I found a man. Yes, it didn't take me long (only 4 months, I know) but it felt like a lifetime. You know, the where-have-you-been-all-my-life sort of thing. Because that's how it feels like, this really is how it feels like; like I have been waiting all my life. And he has that smile... one that I would like to think he uses for me and only me. No, but he really does have a very, very genuine smile. A playful smile. And big almond shaped brown eyes, ones that twinkle, and he makes me giggle.

I started working for the government this year. And my blackberry (ab)use. My obsession with maps and Twitter. I made new friends.

Highlights

Meeting Liz
A fourteen hour long first date which included pancakes for breakfast, a walk, a felouka ride, a performance, dinner.
Going to the opera before going to the movies together for the first time.
I wrote this and this.
Seeing Emel Methlouthi perform live in Cairo.
I started exercising again!
I got compliments because of my smile.
Cherished times with my best friend, who is now in Sinai, and it's raining heavily there and I am kind of worried.
Fun times with my sister and cousin.

Goals
In 2011, I want to go back to blogging more. I want to work out everyday or at least 3-4 times a week. I want to graduate from grad school. (with honours so I could get a scholarship for my PhD)

I need to write and read more because I haven't been doing that enough, also I need to spend time with myself, because I haven't done that in a long while, that I am beginning to think I am deliberately avoiding myself. But I hope not. I am an okay person to be around!

I want to spend more time with Menna, I want to call friends and family more often, and see them more often. I want to travel. Watch more films and shows, at least the ones I should watch. (suggestions?)

Oh yes, and I want to grow my hair out!

Here's to

Growing and never growing up.
Ridding myself of the people who choose to dwell in negativity, instead of fighting through/ for the more pleasurable path of positivity. Some people just choose the easy way out. And it's sad. (I think I've already done that.)
Smiles and laughs and being silly.
New beginnings and brighter days and darker times that will pass.
Not choosing your words wisely because if you feel it, say it.
Trusting your instincts.
Not pretending that I care, to not listen to things that I am not interested in out of sheer politeness. To not always saying yes. To not stressing myself out. Yet, still manage to be kind.

I hope everyone has a great new year, and please never forget who you are. Never forget that you don't need to please everyone. You just be the best version of you and the rest will be taken care of.

Love and Moleskines

2010-12-23T15:49:00.001+02:00

here

I am in a rush to finish my hardcover Moleskine before the year ends. I have grown to like the recycled cahiers more, to be honest, and I don't know why. I like the squared ones more than I liked the lined, and I also don't know why.

I think this could give me an idea of how I have changed, four years ago, I was in love with the classic black leatherbound hardcover and now it's just the brownness of the cardboard kraft cahiers. And it's the same with everything else, the way I dress, the way I write and my taste in general.

I have evolved.

I don't know if there is a comparison of better or worse. It is, at the end of the day, change- and change is always good.

I feel the need to belong to older times, I long for everything vintage, not really everything, but I have this sense of belonging and familiarity when around old things, or things inspired by old things, like the television set I saw with the boyfriend yesterday at Virgin Megastores, I could feel my face light up.

Speaking of boyfriend. And butterflies, and smiles and love. I have come to the conclusion that I think love is a state of being, you can/might feel love, but there comes a point when you will become love.

Work and my Reader

2010-12-21T14:26:00.001+02:00

I am finally catching up on commenting and blogs in general. I have had a very hectic couple of weeks.

The semester finally ended. Which was very, very stressful, and I am waiting for my grades.

I was going down the road of demotivation and I hadn't realized it. I didn't take the time to think about it and have it hit me. But it did hit me. In the face.

I wasn't very happy with my job, it's been a year, almost and I was reflecting on my professional development ever since I started here, and I realized I didn't develop much- if at all. I also have issues regarding my salary.

Slowly, I started being late to work. And it became a daily thing, and my absence was going out of hand. My boss did something that I don't really appreciate...I wrote my resignation and kept it there and was seriously considering quitting...I talked to people about it and things. And I thought maybe I should try.

I emailed top management, I got a phone call from head of HR regarding my punctuality issues and it was a bit of a wake up call.

*end work rant*

I just unsubscribed from all my google reader subscriptions by mistake and I feel like crying... Recommendations please?

Fill in the Blank Friday!

2010-12-10T12:00:00.000+02:00

It's Friday, and I am going to do this, since I am procrastinating! I have been up since 8, it's now 12, to study, and I have been browsing through TIME's top 10 everything of 2010 instead.
Let's play!

{Erin Nicole Photography via weheartit}

1. I wish that certain something that might happen, happens. I wish my mother would stop being mean. I wish I could move out .

2. Yesterday I cried .

3. Today I will work on my paper, take my brother out and hopefully see the Mister/Doctor .

4. Tomorrow I will go pick Jen up at the airport! She's coming to visit again, finally .

5. Maybe it's time for me to go renew my gym subscription. It's been 15+ days .

6. Someday I will go far away. I will rediscover the person I am, I will celebrate my journey, and all things great will happen to me, or rather I will make great things happen .

7. I love good news. A great big hug. coffee and sitting in bed with the laptop, working on my paper while a game is in the background..I've only experienced this a few times but it has this special kind of serenity about it .

I am. I will.

2010-12-04T14:18:00.000+02:00

“Everything is created from moment to moment, always new. Like fireworks, this universe is a celebration & you are the spectator contemplating the eternal Fourth of July of your absolute splendor.”(Francis Lucille) here

I tend to forget that sometimes, and I get carried away; the mundane-ness that is my life. I am quirkiness incarnated in the short body of a girl with hazel eyes and caramel coloured skin, and cappuccino coloured hair. Yet, with all the warm tones, my feet are almost always cold. And so do my hands. I laugh, and I giggle and I smile. And you can sometimes hear the child in me echo through one of my loud, silly giggles. Or maybe more than "sometimes"...

This is who I am.

I Am A Girl - The Girls With Glasses Theme Song from The Girls With Glasses on Vimeo.

I am a girl.

I will wear that pettiskirt under my A-line dress and walk down the street, I will be cut from the 1950s and pasted on to the street in 2010. And it will be glorious.

I will walk stop at a street corner cafe in Paris for a coffee to warm me up. And it will be divine. I will also have Paris vs. NYC posters hanging on the walls of my apartment.

I will watch the sun rise setting fire to the Red Sea, in Sinai, wrapped in arms I have grown to love so much. And have the very same arms keep me warm on the streets of London.

Yet, for now, I shall go read about Argentina for my term paper. And when this semester is over with, I will have finished half of my classes. And I can't begin to explain how great that feels. I need to start saving up, because after I am done, I plan to travel. And start a whole new life.

Who are you? and what are your "will be"s?

Quick Post

2010-11-29T19:14:00.000+02:00

You know how sometimes you think of something and you feel something and try to speak of it to people and they never understand? And you just never talk about it anymore?

Like, for instance, when you meet someone, and then you fall for them and then you meet their friends, their really good friends with which they have memories, experiences, the friends that know them really, really well. And you feel jealous, not out of a weak sense of possession, and not out of lack of confidence or anything...it's just that you want to have that, too. You want to have existed in their lives for as long.

That's the feeling I once felt and tried to explain but no one understood. And yesterday, in words that are quite familiar, the mister was trying to explain- except that I knew exactly what he was talking about. And I think I was speechless, I tried not to show it, but I was truly in awe. He knows the feeling.

This is how I know I am blessed.

(check my tumblr for credits)

Then this;

It's you, plain and simple. So please, I beg of you. The next time you think that your life sucks, or you're about to say that to someone you know, think of that huge hole in the ground where all the other people are wallowing in their own depressing filth, and then look up at the sky and see the birds and the clouds and the endless blue azure shimmering through the skyline and ask yourself. Where would you rather be?

-My boyfriend

It's end of semester...stressful times, I will get back to this soon. Because I miss everyone. But I have a deadline on Wednesday and a paper that is not finished yet, I also still have to write a paper about Argentina and the role of the state..and two reaction papers, before the 15th.

And guess who is married?

Lovely Randi! You looked beautiful!!

Micaela got married, too!

Cait is back :)

On Freedom

2010-11-21T16:22:00.000+02:00

here

I have mentioned it here before that I lost my dear iPod classic, and I shall replace it someday. I lost academic papers, "writing", music, photos and films on that iPod.

Two or three years of my life. And I am to start over.

The thing is, it all seems quintessential, because I have to start anew, in real life, too.

This could be an early reflection on 2010; this year, my almost 3 year long relationship has ended, and now, I have something new. And I am happy with it.

I am free.

Free to start a new music library, to buy a new camera and start taking photos again, I am free to write new things, not having my old things to measure up to. I lost my "Drafts of a Suicide Note", probably the darkest thing I ever wrote, from when I was "depressed". I lost my Beatles discography, and the Cranberries, too. I lost photos of the summer when Jen and Pete were here. And of days when I used to see my best friend every day. I lost photos of my senior year.

I am not comparing men to iPods, I appreciate men. And I appreciate iPods, too!

It's just that, it all made me think, because losing my iPod made me cry. But I realized, that maybe it was time. It was right about time. So, thank you late iPod for your perfect timing, I now have to paint it, and I have a perfectly white, clean canvas.

QUESTIONS
I move my blog, too?
I am buying a new iPod, should I buy my third iPod classic, or try the touch?
I had a Canon SX110 IS, do I get the SX10 IS or do you have other recommendations?

Reason(s) To Smile

2010-11-17T00:46:00.000+02:00

here

It's Eid today. And I had a draft saved, saying how I had lost the spirit and everything, but then it all changed.

I did wake up in an off mood, then I decided I would take my brother and sister out. And I did.
I drove to Zamalek and picked a friend up, went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, I had my chai latte, and was HAPPY.

Then, remember how there was something I wasn't sure if I am to share yet? Well, the boy (man) joined us. (YES!! I met this amazing, amazing person!!) Even my best friend likes him! And as of today, my brother likes him, too.

We had sushi, then we went on a felouka (that's when my other sister and my cousin joined us). It was such a fun, fun day.

I am thankful for their presence in my life. Each person who was there today. I am thankful for my best friend's presence in my life. And my parents. I just feel thankful to have people who can cheer me up, people who can take me at my meanest, too. People who care.

On an entirely different note, I want this wedding. I say that a lot, but I really want this wedding!

A Week Later

2010-11-12T13:00:00.000+02:00

Sometimes school can be overwhelming, especially when I am trying to balance that with so many other things. I am no trying to inflate my importance or anything.I just have the tendency to stretch myself and try to go to the gym after work, then try to see everyone, and please my parents, and study all in one day.
Also, I have encountered one great misfortune within the past two weeks, I am still mourning. But my iPod died. And it had every paper I have written, every photo I've taken and all the songs. Now, I am iPod-less. And I hate it. I have a new laptop though! Finally!
Eid is on Tuesday, and so Eid break starts on Monday, I have a break ahead of me and it feel so great (despite the fact that I have to study...)
I won Lauren's giveaway!! And I love everything in Shawnee's shop that I can't really decide (I am very indecisive)
There's so much going on, and I don't know if I am ready to share yet. Maybe when I am, I will. But I just need to share this: I couldn't be any happier. And I am just so thankful for that.
Don't you just hate it when you are so disconnected at a certain point, and you go somewhere else in your head, think of things in far away lands, not because you don't want to be here, but because you so much want to leave a good impression and it's hard to stay "here"? I know I am not making sense. I am trying to. But I wasn't making sense to myself, either.

here

This was originally a post that wasn't in bullets, then I realized it was too fragmented. I can't think straight now. How is everyone? I sincerely would like to know :)

Oh God, this photo is just beautiful, and the colours and the light...perfect! I want that, I want to be there. Now.

I'm back!

2010-11-05T09:56:00.000+02:00

It's Friday! The weekend is here and it is a great, great sunny day!
Friday also means Lauren's fill in the blanks (which I honestly reaaally love filling in)

1. My last haircut was in June, I trimmed my hair for my cousin's wedding .

2. My most daring hair moment was when cut it all off to rid myself of the..."memories" .

3. A hairstyle I'd never be brave enough to try is full bangs .

4. I've always dreamt of being a (blonde, brunette or red-head) a blonde! or have dirty-blondish hair .

5. My go-to hair do is what my grandmother would call messy. I let it air dry and that's about it .

6. My biggest hair disaster was my brother accidentally cut my hair for me- it was at its longest .

7. A hairstyle I am dying to try is pincurls .

8.  My best hair day was       probably the first day after I get it cut     .

9.  The worst hairstyle I ever had was   when I coloured it myself in middle school.

10.  My hair is       on the thinner side of hair, has this natural curl and yucky natural colour. I also have lots of grey hair      .

AUC Workers

2010-10-28T14:30:00.000+02:00

I don't know why I am writing this. I think it's because I saw a worker clean after a student after his shift has ended yesterday. I think that was it.

I think it's because of the corrupt system everywhere, or in the case of the American University in Cairo, since I have no evidence of corruption, I would refer to it as bureaucracy. I wanted to talk to my professor before I wrote this but I cannot reach him.

So, this is entirely based on tweets I have read, and things the warman has told me earlier this month.

Money flows constantly and tremendously into the AUC bank accounts. The simplist example would be tution fees (2010/2011) per credit hour;

1st level Egyptian undergraduate student = 2830 EGP
2nd level Egyptian undergraduate Student = 4039 EGP
1st level International undergraduate student = $599
2nd level international undergraduate student = $855
Egyptian graduate student = 2830 EGp
Egyptian LLM/MBA student = 3312 EGP
International graduate student = $855
Egyptian non-degree student = 4039 EGP
International non-degree student = $855

There are 5055 undergraduate students and 1148 graduates students enrolled at AUC.

I know I haven’t made my point yet but I just needed to set things straight first. That this is as much money they make, disregarding the AUC Press, the bookstore, the donations, USAID and so on.

Blue collar workers in AUC receive a net salary of a bit over 600 Egyptian pounds. And the average AUC student spends at least as much on campus in a month. But the mere fact that they belong to two very different socioeconomic backgrounds and groups does not mean that the workers should be that ill-treated. One could argue that government workers receive around the same amount of money monthly, but one could also argue that workers in the government benefit from informal redistributive methods in addition to occasional bonuses. Let alone that government resources are “limited” and “very thinly spread/diluted” (not that I necessarily agree)

I know of one labor economics professor who has sent her students to do some fieldwork with the workers and make them aware of their conditions. There came a point when they had no contracts, eventually, more students were aware of the workers’ state and work conditions, let alone the workers themselves.

They would calculate costs of living of which their salaries were but a fraction. Yesterday the demonstration and strike started. The workers have stopped cleaning the campus, and students are sitting in. The workers' demands are posted here. AUC workers were promised a 5% raise this year, a promise that was never fulfilled, and the sad thing is, with too much bureaucracy, if a change is to result from such pressure being exerted on the university, nothing is to happen before September of 2011.

As I write this, 10 representatives are on their way, or are actually in a meeting with AUC Vice President for Planning and Administration Brian MacDougall

Links to photos: here. here. here

It is also worth mentioning that students are supported by professors and administrators. Some, that is, and not all, the sad thing is that some students are actually opposing the demos.

How to be Happy

2010-10-25T00:49:00.000+02:00

So Nikolett tagged me! Thank you, love! I will answer the questions soon!

Thank you all for your lovely comments. I need you to understand that I am such a daddy's girl so it was hard. It is all good now, though.

So I was thinking a while ago. I happen to do that, a lot. Mostly in the bathroom. Or while driving.

I was thinking of the person I would have liked to be,

I wish I could have my favorite quote tattooed on me.
I wish I had narrower hips.
I wish I had clearer skin.
I wish I was less of a troublesome person, I really wish my parents would believe that I am a responsible person.
I wish I was more punctual.
I wish I worked with the same people I work with now, only at a better place, because we all deserve better working conditions.
I wish I could take time off and go backpacking around Europe.
I wish my parents would let me do that.
I wish I would stop procrastinating. Because it's about time that I do.
I wish I had the words to explain things that I can't explain.
I wish I can see my grandfather again, because I have so much to tell him. SO MUCH!!

here

But then, I think again, I think again and I am thankful for all the things I am not.

I can't have a tattoo because my faith doesn't allow it. And I am thankful I have enough faith to not get a tattoo
My hips are awesome. They are. I have curves, like any other North African woman.
My skin is well, my skin is okay.
My parents think I am irresponsible because they love me and I am their eldest and I sometimes act like a 16 year old. And they have to tell me off. And it's humbling. It's a reminder, that I will always be their little girl. They brought me into this world, and for that I am thankful.
At least I acknowledge the fact that I need to be more punctual!
I have a job, I work with great people! And that could be the only reason why I am still working where I am working. At the government, putting up with the bureaucracy, and the backwardness of it all.
I have so much to look forward to in my life. I am yet to go backpacking.
My parents actually care.
I have things to do, and when I cross something off of that to-do list, it feels so good!! SO GOOD!
I have other ways of communication. A smile, a look, a touch. I am thankful for all my five senses.
I know my grandfather is watching over me. I know he knows. I know he's smiling now. I know it. And he is proud of me.

Fill in the Blanks. (and a rant)

2010-10-22T14:09:00.000+02:00

{photo by Photos Day! via We Heart It}

Lauren's Fill in the Blank Friday

1. I am just another face in the crowd who tries to prove otherwise .

2. I wish I didn't live with my parents, and I wish I could get a tattoo .

3. I like the sun, the sea, coffee. I like books, and pens, and paper obviously .

4. I can make people smile .

5. I hope I sort things out with my father .

6. I think I've been blessed with beauty in my life .

7. I was always (and still am) the shorter eldest sister .

I haven't blogged in a long while. A lot has been going on. Mostly perfect. Well, until this morning, at least. I had this not-so-little argument with my father (my dad and I are usually close) and it sort of escalated, and I started to cry. I hate crying in front of people, and yes, even my parents. So I excused myself. Without waiting for his response, which I think has made things worse. He's in his room now. And here I am, pretending to study, because that's the only thing that he pays for now. Otherwise, I am independent.

Also, I lost a friend this morning- or last night. We weren't really close, but you could tell. You could tell he was a very, very nice person. He was. He was one of those people who had hope in their eyes, hope despite the unfairness the world has through their way. He was that guy.

Now

2010-10-12T09:16:00.000+02:00

here

Do you ever feel content with now? That feeling where there is absolutely no room for nostalgia? (Well, except for this morning when my sister and I left the house to go to work, together in the lift/elevator, and it reminded me of our schooldays, that was one nostalgic moment)

Because I feel like I am at that point in my life when I am so happy with the here, and the now. I don't miss being younger, here is good. Here is perfect.

There is this comfort here that just came so naturally, so instantly. Like eyes you can look into and never quite reach the bottom of the sea that is their wilderness. The wilderness that is the perfect lace of past delicacy and a hope for a future lightness. And a hope; a hope for eternal happiness.

It leaves me in awe.
It leaves me so much in awe that I become speechless.
And it take a huge amount of awe for me to reach the point a of loss for words.

Thank you, Friday!

2010-10-08T10:22:00.001+02:00

1. The first thing I do in the morning to start my day is have water, coffee and pray .

2. Today I wish I was writing something that's worth reading. I wish I was at the beach, too .

3. If I had an extra $100 in my bank account today I'd add another 150 and buy a new iPod .

4. Tomorrow is Saturday, and I never plan my days ahead .

5. Two things that don't go together are private and public sector fusion, or my county's lame attempt at "technocrats" .

6. Something I can never pass up at the grocery store is a bottle of water and chewing gum .

7. The last time I tried something new was last week .

I haven't done this in a while, thank you Lauren!

My dad had been away for the week and he came back yesterday. And well, I realized I had missed him, I come back home and find him and hug him. I love my dad, and he, in the most sincere of tones, asks me "how are you?" and I talk to him, I tell him what happened while he was away (politics and Nobel Prizes, and such) I told him I am okay. I am perfectly okay.

And yesterday was a good day actually, except at work, it's now the weekend and I am perfectly content with it. Yesterday there was a huge crowd and I got involved in conversations about so very random things, including if I should go about calling myself an economist, I don't know if I am to go as far..

October, already!

2010-10-03T15:55:00.000+02:00

When I come to think of the fact that it's October, that 2010 is almost coming to an end, I am suddenly in awe...

here

Because when I think of it, when I look back and review the year- I realize that it has been such a festive year. 2010 has been good to me so far. My life as I know it has ended, but with endings, come new beginnings.
New beginnings that are so full of possibility, and choice, and light, and just all things positive and optimistic. Beginnings are so fresh. And it is that thought, that very thought, that makes me go through the endings-the goodbyes-with an accepting heart.
Oh, how I want a real Autumn, one when leaves fall off their trees- with smiles on their faces- because they are going to a better place, a place full of joy and glee and echoes of laughter. The sounds of dry leaves under the feet of children and couples and best friends, warming their hearts and liberating their souls. But our Autumn is still such a beautiful one- because I can still go to the beach and I am so looking forward to it. Red Sea, I miss you!

yes, I had you in mind as I wrote this.

Care Packages

2010-09-28T15:19:00.001+03:00

I was looking at my older posts in attempts to procrastinate. Posts that reminded me of times when I used to passionately write, times when I used to have something to write about, when things inspired me and when things touched me...

And now I am just in an entirely different place in my life. I am not really lost, but I, at the same time, cannot say that I know where I stand, and I have no idea where I am heading- nor do I know where I would like to be.

I realized that my posts have become less and less personal, less and less inspirational...and just...you know. I could tell, in hindsight, that naturally, it all lead to where I am at now, but I also know that I am going to pull myself out of it.

I was just too comfortable in a place too passive for my liking. Not really neutral, just passive. I was not actively seeking a different place, but now I am. Because there is hope for change. A tiny glimpse of something new. But no, I wouldn't skip this one step ahead; at their own pace, things tend to unfold. And they are mostly beautiful, viewed under the certain light of positivity. Yes, at a certain angle, everything is beautiful.

And the serendipity about it all is what makes it worthwhile. Pleasant surprise care packages left at your door when you don't feel like interacting with the world. The perfect companion on your cocooning trip.

[The internet has been good to me, I have met some great people here. So this is a thank you, because some made me smile, some made me feel like I am not alone, some made me feel loved, some made me feel special. Some I have met in real life and some I am yet to meet. Some have sent me gifts, and some have sent me birthday cards. I love you, I honestly do. I am just in this state, because I realized how I have, somehow, evolved into the me I am today.]

I am not depressed. I am just at this point when you realize things that might- or might not- have been there all along. And obviously, I have been standing there, watching, waiting for things to happen as I wondered why nothing interesting was happening, why I lacked the inspiration and why I wasn't smiling as much as I would like to.

And it hit me, because I was just standing there watching the world go by. And that is the worst thing anyone could ever bring upon themselves. Ever.

Silence

2010-09-27T15:34:00.001+03:00

There's so much negative energy around me and I am trying to break away. I am trying to break away and be my actual self. And I don't know how to.

Some people have noticed it. And there's too much noise around me- it's like an echo of what is in my head. It is, however, not helping.

I need silence, I am indifferent to whether it is a silence that speaks. Just silence. I am too sensitive to all sounds and voices around me that I could actually scream. With each wave of sound that hits my eardrums, I am more aggravated, I am more miserable, if I may say.

And then I Wrote This For You somehow makes me feel better;

That sound you hear, that's the sound of someone realising that sometimes, it's easier to change the world than it is your own life.

I am not saying that I haven't sincerely smiled in the past week, because I have. I have had a weekend full of smiles, and for that, I am thankful! In fact, there are a lot of things that I am thankful for, which actually include my (possible) lunacy since it made me appreciate a certain smile, a certain giggle and a certain laugh.

How has everyone been? I would really like to know.

More Fragments

2010-09-15T15:20:00.001+03:00

I don't think there is such a thing as fiction. There is no fiction. Everything is mixed with reality- or the other way round...
I don't know if that's a good thing.

What I know is, though, what I know is- is that I am not sure if I am ready to leave this. I am not sure if I am ready to quit. I am not sure. I want. I am not sure if I need.

I am.

Maybe that is enough. That. I am.

I tend to enjoy watching the stars, regardless of who is there to watch them with me- I never really cared. I am not sure if I don't care though. I want a sincere hug, a hug that tells me I am cared for. I want a warm look...just to tell me that I have a friend. A friend.

I want someone who would listen and not make fun of what I have to say, you see. Regardless of who optimistic or unrealistic, or idealistic it may sound.

I worry too much. I worry too much about the might have been, the could have been. All the alternate routes and choices and paths. No, I am not depressed, I just have too much on my mind and I don't know how to let it all out in an optimistic tone, you know?

This could, by far, be my favorite "I Wrote This for You" post;

Do you remember, at the start, how small everything was? Smaller than a point. Like everything was somewhere between a thought, almost, and a reality, almost. And then I looked at you and thought
"?"
And then everything that would ever happen, happened.

I also know this is the only thing that's keeping me going. That someday I will look back, and remember. I would remember how lost I thought I felt when I was twenty-three (and twenty-two) I would remember not being able to define my role in this world, my identity, my place, I would remember worrying about each and every choice I am to make. I would look back and smile- laugh even and it would feel so good!

I know.

Maybe that's the problem with me, and a lot of other people, that we try to define things, when an abstract concept leaves you with much more freedom, much more flexibilty. Why should one define identity when it could be universal, when it could be so personal while being universal. Definition limits you, it limits concepts and thoughts...

So, for now, my role is abstract, my place is abstract, my identity; abstract.

The Long Post That Turned Out to be Not So Long

2010-09-08T04:38:00.000+02:00

I have a feeling this is going to be a long post. So I am thinking a list is in order!

I have been going through terrible, terrible mood swings and I know I owe it to everyone around me; I am sorry (are we going through a retrograde? excuse my ignorance but I have a feeling some planet is in retrograde and I blame it on that)
Tomorrow might possible be the last day of Ramadan, meaning that it's Eid el-Fitr on Thursday! Thursday and Sunday are off (YAY LONG WEEKEND!) I am heading to the North Coast with my family and my favorite aunt, her daughter and grandchildren!
ABC Adventures is such an amazing blog, that I know, BUT LOOK AT THAT!!! A WHOLE POST THAT FEATURES ME!
Speaking of amazing links; this is just beautiful! And this.
I want to make a confession post. (I had intended on this being the one but then it's getting late and I have to be at work at 9 am tomorrow. That without coffee is torture!)
Am I the only one who likes Seal's song?

So yeah, the post didn't turn out to be long after all! Maybe tomorrow! And also, tomorrow I am willing to reply to emails!

Title

2010-09-03T16:26:00.000+02:00

Yesterday marked the end of my birthday week, not that I had spent it celebrating or anything, but yesterday, we had iftar at my best friend's and then went to this GORGEOUS concert.

The Azhar Park was once a dump, and now it's a beautiful park that has a theater where they hold great live performances- underground performances.

Yesterday, was Emel Mathlouthi's first time to perform in Cairo, and I quote the best friend; she "lit Cairo up" with passion and drive and hope....and freedom and revolutionary aspirations.

She's is Tunisian, but nevertheless, I guess all North African countries could relate to what she sang for. I did. I was...touched. I am not an activist, because there's nothing that I have "actively" done for this country except love her with every bit that I am. Regardless of all what she doesn't give me, and what she takes away from me; of freedom and rights, I still love her. Regardless of the poverty and misery I see at every corner...I think my country is a beautiful one...

I might be a silent, passive protester...if I have the right to call myself so, but that's a shameful thing to be.

She sang el Sheikh Imam songs. Oh how I loved those.

She sang this song....and oh how relevant this song is to what the country is going through today..

(انا في وسط الفوضة معني)

I had first intended on doing Lauren's fill in the blanks, but I got carried away with this. This is how I feel now, and oh, there goes another piece of me. Out in the open.

oh, you have to read this.[person shapes]

When was the last time you sent the universe some love?

2010-08-30T03:14:00.000+02:00

thank you for the birthday wishes!! I will respond in a more personal manner soon! My laptop had failed me but it's back now!
I need inspiration. Tons of inspiration right now.
This is my first post as a twenty-three year old.
My car failed me today, but it's up and running now!
I went to this really, really cool concert on Friday and well, here's a song. It's by Donia Massoud, and she sings Egyptian folkloric songs. This is a song from Aswan. Listening to this song in an open air space, the crowd fell silent, and I was in a place by myself- in my head...close to heaven

I have so much love within me that I don't know where to direct, and it's frustrating me...it really is. I have so much love for my family, which it irritates me and it backfires. I miss my best friend. I have so many books to read and so much potential to explore. I want to take the time to love myself, which I have mentioned before but haven't done yet.

I know I may sound like a nerd, which I am, really, but I miss school. I go back on Wednesday the 5th. And I can't remember for the life of me which classes I am taking. Oh wait, I remember (I cheated from here) I am taking economic growth and development and ECON 506: economics of competitiveness which is a Harvard economics course! I am so excited! Because not only are the classes interesting (at least to me) but this semester, I'd be half way through my masters- I am doing it part time.

Bedtime for me. More interesting post, I hope, tomorrow.

Who's the Birthday Girl?

2010-08-26T15:52:00.000+02:00

I AM!!

here

I can't believe I turned twenty-three! I'll get used to the number :)

And my birthday is filled with pleasant surprises so far. Tons of them (and one unpleasant surprise.. yes he meant me by that)

People who count are amazing to me! My friends, my family and my friends from work! Who very generously and amazingly nice of them (I just love them, honestly) got me a birthday gift that could never be more "me"!

Thank you for making me feel loved xx (especially you girls who sent me emails- I love you)

4 am

2010-08-24T04:47:00.000+02:00

I feel I owe it to myself to write this.

here

It's 4 am and I am very emotional. I have been far from productive at work and I don't like it. Speaking of work, the iftar with my work friends was beyond amazing. And I had loads of fun.
Also speaking of work...

Seif and I went to school together, all through our school years, so he is a familiar face, the kind of person you feel comfortable around because he's been there in the past, in your life. In mine, that is. He lives close to where I live so we went to school on the same bus. And his mum knows mine (they worked together) Anyway, so Seif and I went to different universities, and well, we've worked together now for 6 months. But now he's leaving. Now that we are friends, if I may say, he's leaving. But I am so proud of him (if that, too, I may say) because, he's going to London to study for his Master's and he's getting married before he does. And well, I am just so happy for him!! We definitely share a couple of interests or more, and there's so much he's taught me, like reading a certain newspaper, and how to compile a country profile, how to prepare a company profile and basically everything I do at work.. I have him to thank! And I really do wish him all the luck in the world, because he deserves it.

Now on to the self centered part of this post. Because, I know no one should ever say this, but I have been far too selfless lately, I can say that the only way I have been taking care of myself is...well, working out. And that is not enough. I need to celebrate myself, to take care of myself and to take pride in myself. I had a quote about changing one's self/life as a facebook status and when I though of what it is that I want to change, I realized there was nothing to change. I am okay. I am more than enough and that's how I am happy. And if I am happy, that's all I'll ever need. I only need to sop putting things off. Like going to Paris, and starting to work on my book. I only have a concept in mind and a huge pile of Moleskines, but no words, no draft...nothing. And Paris, well I should start working on that, and, from there, things should work themselves out.

everything changes & it’s exciting & lovely & such an alluring part of life. everything happens for some reason. everything will work out & it will be such a beautiful ending to an adventurous tale. when things feel awful it’s hard to see the outcome. it’s hard to stay positive & stretch our limbs to the sky each day. people leave, we leave, & it’s always hard because you think: why didn’t they love me? what did i do wrong? do they care? what about me? & you let those questions, each question, hollow you out a little more until your body is the heaviest hollow there could be. you can feel the question, each question, ache in different parts. why didn’t they love me, how could they love someone more? it aches in your belly, keeps you from eating. what did i do wrong? your constant retelling of every moment spent together, analyzing, it aches your whole skull. do they care? the thought that they don’t care, that they don’t think about your needs or worries or wants, well that aches in all the limbs. these aches make us weak, they keep us in bed fearing sleep. they keep us from telephones, from computers, from friends. because ‘why did they leave, why did they leave me?’ we are self centered by nature. people exist in our lives because they are meant to. each person, lovely or awful. they exist for exactly the amount of time they should. they teach us things. little things, extraordinary things about ourselves, our lives, the everything around us. that doesn’t make it easier to say good bye. it doesn’t make it easier to think that they have finished their task, made you stronger, & we must be strong. we must be strong. you exist,& it is extraordinary.

-you are remarkable. via Anna

Very Long Post(Monday 23rd)

2010-08-23T13:30:00.001+02:00

here

Nicole posted this and Elizabeth Gilbert's quote just left me speechless...

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

"Break your heart so new light can get in" scratch your little cut so it hurts this tiny bit, yes, I know how that feels...I know how it feels. A soul mate intimidates you at times when you are feeling this little bit too comfortable in a place you have reached and loved, it's not that you need to be constantly on the move, you just need the challenge every now and then. I guess.

My cousin, whose husband passed away a little over a month ago, was here to have iftar with us. She cooked her husband's favorite food so that his favorite people would eat it. I think this is the sweetest thing ever. I know this is Day 21's extraordinary thing.

Day 20 was a night on my best friend's roof, lots of people and side conversations and playing twister and I always love nights like these...oh, and I've learnt of something that I didn't really like, or never quite expected rather- but it's okay. My sister came back yesterday and got my first birthday gift; a Michael Kors handbag which I find BEAUTIFUL! My little sister got me my first birthday gift!

Days 18 and 19 were exceptional if I may say. But apart from that, the 18th was supposed to be mine and my ex's 3rd anniversary, and it felt a bit odd that it's just another day this year. But that was during the day, I don't think I gave it much thought after iftar..Oh and I saw Hannah!! And I met this friend of mine, who just gave me this energy to realize things. (How come your link seems to be broken?)

Yesterday was a rather weird day, because I ended up in my car with around a dozen guys outside...well, this is not something I would usually do, and hadn't there been someone I am comfortable around, I would have definitely left... but I enjoyed the liberty of not having someone to tell me not to. Of asking me to go home. Of asking me to not be around all those guys.

Today I am going to have iftar with my friends from work and I am looking forward to it, even though I have a productivity of zero due to lack of sleep... I am looking foward to that. I had a great morning. I had a great morning and a talk that was rather intimidating- but intimidating is good. Always, always good.

Extraordinary, Curious Tuesday and a mini-list

2010-08-18T02:58:00.000+02:00

I always make lists..because they just put me at ease! Among the list of my favorite things:

Eating a mango with all my five senses. YUM!
Driving fast on quiet morning with the windows down, listening to my favorite driving songs.
Being goofy with my cousins.
My cousins
Laughing. and smiling.

I forgot to mention that the fourteenth marked 6 months at my job, time flies by..it really does!

here

Day 15: My boss tweeted that I was profound!

Day 16: I actually had a blog post written about me! And the book signed addressed to the "future minister of development"!!! YES, that would be me! It was such an ego boost....that someone could see that in me...that my aspirations are not so entirely beyond what I can achieve.. or what people see in me.

Day 17: I was about to crash into a car with my cousin's son beside me and I got away with it. Swerved the car last minute! My cousins and I drove along the 6th of October bridge just so the Alexandrian (where they have no bridges) would enjoy it and we saw the Nile. And back. I just had a mango :)

I have been losing followers. And we are losing a friend now, she needs your prayers, our 20 year old friend suddenly went into a coma, internal bleeding..her brain...brain tumor. Life support...they're waiting for her heart to stop.

On another note, my mum got me 10 LE leggings...(a bit less than $2!) And I need to check me some blogs. It's just that fasting and I haven't been getting along that well. No coffee, no food and no water until 6:30 pm and going to work and the gym while fasting...I don't really respond to stimuli under such circumstances...you see.

Yes, I see. I see a beautiful city that I am in love with. I see the blessed person that I am (aren't we all?) I see a brighter tomorrow. I see you. I see me. I see. I. See. (with everything I am)

Have you seen Gala's curious Tuesday? I love it!

Love & marriage, love & marriage, go together like a horse & carriage…

1. How do you feel about marriage as a concept? Idealistic, very, very much so...maybe if we don't set such high expectations, things would be different.
2. Do you think you’ll ever want to get married? Maybe someday (the break up has cultivated a cynic within me..oh our would've been 3rd anniversary is here..) I originally wanted to get married ASAP, but now I feel like I have a long way to go, when it comes to getting to know me.
3. If you did get married, would you want a big blow-out celebration or would you keep it low-key? A HUGE WEDDING! A HUGE, HUGE WEDDING!! And it would be quirky and special and bright and lovely!

Days 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14!!

2010-08-15T03:31:00.000+02:00

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Day 10: I got a compliment from my boss..which made me feel flattered, so very flattered. Wednesday was the first day of Ramadan. And we fast all from around 3:40 am (fagr prayer) until 6:45 pm (sunset) no food, no water, nothing..so what we do is have a very late dinner and we did that together, my brother and sisters and parents and grandmother and cousins...in that moment I missed my sister even more..but I love huge gatherings never the less!

Day 11: wow that was such a great day...I saw my old, forever lasting friend Youssef, who has moved to the US and I only get to see very rarely! And I love him! (he's the friend I jumped around upon receiving his call!) He's my forever best friend, or so I like to think. Yesterday, my very good friend also came back from his mini Euro-trip and brought back maps and a T-shirt and I am oh so happy! I ran into school friends as well and met new people.

Day 12: Why can I not remember what happened on Thursday? Ah now I do! We hung out in a garden, which something no one ever does, BUT we get to enjoy the weather, and the grass (with the occasional accident) for free, and we can be as loud as we can and everything. Days like that make me happy. Simple, spontaneous and sweet!

Day 13: that was such a funny day, I was supposed to go to my best friend's and cook steaks and pasta, ended up cooking a sad excuse of a pasta dish...it was tons of fun nevertheless!! We sat on the roof, looked at the sky and enjoyed a beautiful, beautiful breeze. At least I did!

Day 14: I have been looking at the world with an extraordinary mindset for two weeks now. And I might not have been doing all the "extraordinary" things, but to me they felt special... Today was special! You see, my father came back from Saudi Arabia last December after having lived there for 7 years, and my best friend and I have been friends for 4 years, so until today, they hadn't met. It was the first time for them to meet today! And I loved it! In fact, today we had this little iftar gathering at my place, my mum cooked, and my favorite people were all there in one place, around the same table, sharing the same food (a couple of people were missing if we were to include ALL my favorite people..but those matter, they really really do)

Only twelve days to go!! Happy Birthday Lauren!

Days 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9!

2010-08-10T17:05:00.000+03:00

Day 5: I went to beautiful Alexandria and saw my second cousin who I hadn't seen in such a long while!

Day 6: Woke up to a beautiful, beautiful view. The Mediterranean. And I went shopping- I spent so much money but then it's okay, I guess...

Day 7: I spent time with my dad. Which I haven't done in so long as well!

Day 8: Was the sweetest girl's birthday, Mae, you're beautiful and you are blessed with people who love you. You shine!

Day 9: I emailed one of my very best friends from school who I very rarely see, since I have changed my number and I heard he was here in Cairo...he called me!! I hung up and jumped around the room and was overwhelmed with happiness honestly. I had a heart-to-heart with my best friend for the first time in a relatively long time and I just feel so relieved and like a huge load (and barrier) has been lifted.

It's day 10 and I am stuck at work until 7...tomorrow is Ramadan; a whole month of fasting until sunset, no morning coffees and even more conjested traffic. But, it's so much fun!! It's the month of huge gatherings, rooftops with friends, and lots of good food. I am actually getting quite excited (apart from the fact that on Thursday, I am going to the dentist at 3 and will have to do without pain killers until 8ish..that would be my 3rd visit...root canal, I know..)

Something is wrong with my computer/internet connection..it won't upload any photos..and the post looks odd. OH, I almost forgot to mention that one of my two gorgeous bosses' booksigning was yesterday! Go check her blog out!

Now you can see why I love my job! (apart from the boss ladies and a senior researcher, we are a team of 87ers!! Of which I am probably the only one who hasn't turned 23 yet..)

Days 3 and 4

2010-08-05T01:25:00.000+03:00

I am in so much pain as I write this. But..nothing will stop me from being positive :)

here

3 am, on the 3rd of August, my sister left to the US. Let me tell you about my sister, she's 18 months younger than I am and we've basically done everything together throughout our lives. She left before alone, but to Saudi Arabia - an 90 minute flight. Never that far; if you know the both of us in person, you would know that this is very hard for me to admit, but I miss my sister.

So day 3: Admitting I am going to miss my sister and painting using watercolors which made me feel like a five year old and I was so happy!

Day 4: Painful, but I went to the dentist and had some way overdue work done on my teeth. What is special about that is 1. I have a fear of dentists, and I went alone. 2. I paid!! Using my very own money (and not my parents') which is a first!

My new friend Lucia gave me an award :) Thank you lovely!

The Versatile Blogger Award

There are some rules to this award:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award

2. Share seven things about you

3. Nominate 6 newly discovered blogs

4. Let your nominees know about the award!

7 things about me:
1. I talk to myself in the shower, in the car, when I am alone...etc.
2. I am obsessed with shoes and making a change.
3. I went to Hajj 3 times.
4. I go to my favorite bookstore when I am lonely, or sad..or depressed. I can resist shopping for clothes but never books!
5. I want to be a professor...or anything academia related.
6. I love food. Both cooking and eating food!
7. My grandfather was my best friend. Is it okay if I put one more random thing about me? My family and friends mean a lot to me. And I am happiest when I am by the Red Sea/Mediterranean sea/ the Nile and I have the sun in my eyes.

The new found bloggers I am going to tag are: The Purple Fairy. Chase Simplicity. Triumphs and Blunders of a Kooky Gal. Can I just tag everyone?