Thursday, July 30, 2009

Family Convention (results)

Yesterday, my cousin Rana and I, randomly decided that we need to gather and talk. All of us with the surname "El-Sayeh" except for my cousin Yasmine, who is busy preparing for the legal/religious part of getting married her "katb ketab"!!

I am very happy for her, it was obviously a very spontaneous decision, but still, I am happy for her.

Becky has asked me if I was still getting married...and all I have to say is that I am going through times of crisis.. identity crisis to be specific, and I am trying to figure things out. Mohammed is being the great person he is. And is very patient with me.
You are the substance
the very material
my dreams are made of.

— Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson
And it's times like these, that you know you have people who love you, genuinely. I have a great family! My sister Salma, and my cousins (Amr, Rana and Hamoudi) who were all there, everyone sharing a piece of their mind-and their heart, for that matter! We left feeling closer to each other, the closest ever. Because we shared. Everyone shared what has been bothering them and what it is they can say to help the other. 
I will not say that I left that balcony in peace, nor that I have reached peace of mind, but I can say that I have gathered input for when my thinking process begins.
Thinking scares me honestly. It scares me, and I put it off, and it only makes things worse. It scares me because consequences scare the life out of me.
 The Little Prince is such an amazing book! In it's simplicity it invigorates my thoughts..I love it. Any one has any book suggestions? Books that would inspire me and make me think...that would take me away from this?

Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once, just once, understand.
— Sarah Otto here

PS I have a job interview on Sunday!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I have;


This image is almost exactly similar to my red Moleskine, the one I had lost..

I have a tag post waiting to be edited and posted!
I have potential waiting to be explored.

I have a self waiting to be discovered.

I have so many things waiting for me, I would only be lying if I said I had nothing. Because I have everything; waiting for me. I wish I could have the whole world on pause while I go through my phase of self-realization. I think I need to get away?

Maybe somewhere in Egypt..maybe not. I would ideally go to Paris, alone. And visit Shakespeare and Co. EVERYDAY. Maybe I should pack my bags and go.

I above all have a loving family. A loving social circle. I have a best friend who is now in Paris!!
I have a big, big family.
I have a blog that I love.

And a Moleskine that carries my words.

Ahhh I want to go: here, and here oh and here

I have a heart that is capable to love.

I have a self that has the capacity to embrace the entire world.

I have pride!

Here's to:

Why does this have to be so true?

"You cannot go back in time, even if you wish it with every fiber of your being, your heart and soul, even if you think about it every day. Trust me. I know."  here

"That's what you don't get. To find two people who have the same heart isn't a coincidence. It's a God damn miracle. And it happens every day."  Also, I wrote this for you.

I just love how those posts speak to me. They speak to me, yet cannot entirely convince me.

I am stubborn like that... I am stubborn enough to know something and not act upon it...or maybe stupid is the right word.
 I took that, Pete's camera

Here's to not being stupid and actually having fun.
Here's to enjoying the few days I have left of being 21.
Here's to doing things to stop the future what ifs, or enhance them.  Or change their direction altogether.
Here's to pictures you never knew were taken.

Taken by Pete, me in that dress
Here's to actually enjoying the life we were meant to live.
Here's to seeing beauty.

82 followers!!! Printing the giveaway(s) on Wednesday.

Friday, July 24, 2009

All My Bags Are Packed...

I'm ready to go,
I'm standing here outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.

I wish I had slept through it. I really wish I had. Today, they left. Three weeks of spending every minute together... and now the room smells like them.
Pete and my baby brother :)

And the places we've been to, they just remind me of them..remind us of them. There's just...that something that is missing. That huge little something.

I have missed this blog. But I miss them more.
I never expected to cry this much, I never expected to have this much of a heavy heart...
But then again, there are a lot of things that have happened that I would never have expected to happen, anyway!
my sister and Jen :)

And now I am sitting here, listening to MJ, and some Justin Nozuka, Regina Spektor and Daniel Merriweather...which I have to credit Pete for having introduced me to, really!
Having mentioned him, I really have to mention the fact that he is one of the best friends I'll ever have... and that I am grateful he's family.
the view from the Cairo Tower!

And Jen, Jen oh Jen...she reminds me...of so many many things in one. It's weird really...I don't want to be emotional so I'll stop talking about it!

I thought I should let you know that today has been a very emotional day for me.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I am...

So today, and yesterday, I have been enjoying the blessing that is the Nile. I even feel blessed typing the word. The Nile. I feel at ease. I feel at home.

I just sat there, enjoying it all. Falling silent at times to just absorb it all. The stars. The sound the water makes. The wind. My hair brushing against my face. Everything.

Beautifully rewarding.

Google it. Egypt, the Nile.

I came home to read this and this. And I am in awe.

Memories you make by the Nile can never be explained, you have to be there to know how it's like and how it feels and how beautiful it is. With the Cairo lights in the horizon.

“Shh can you heart it?
The beat of my heart slowing
when your hand finds mine.”

- Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson.
It is obviously also through Tyler Knott that I got the idea of I am.  
I am a sister. I am a best friend. I am a carer. I am reckless. I am resposible. I am that wave caressing your toes. I am the flapping sound a bird makes as it flies. I am the twinkle in your smile. And that in your eye as you are about to cry. I am the sincerety in a hug too tight. I am everything that is not there. I am the present. I am what once was. I am the roundness of the full moon. The imperfection of an old building. I am...but are you?
Do it. "I am...." what are you?
PS. You are amazingly beautiful.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

That Dark Little Corner

I made a post using my phone, and it disappeared.

It was all about this little corner. The tiny little dark corner of your heart, right there. The one reserved for one memory, or one person...or one thing.

That unfulfilled need. Or desire. Or passion.

That dream you let go of, because you thought was impossible... and every time something reminds you of it, you get a heavy heart? Yes, that's the one. It's because the air in the dark little corner is pretty dense. Dense with discontent.
That potential relationship you never got yourself into, due to lack of certainty (that sounded very institutional economics-like!) belongs there as well.
And the life you never lived. Maybe.

I think my dark little corner is almost fully packed.

PS. I miss you.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Everyone should see this, and try to win this; an awesome giveaway!
My last day at this job is the 21st of July. Can you believe is July already?! I love you, every single one of you. Every person who reads this, and I do hope you take this personally. Because I love you. I do. I love how the feel better comments have actually made me feel better. That each comment is making me smile. Every time I read one, I smile. Because I take them personally. And believe in their sincerity

Thank you for being my smile-generators! Instant happiness is priceless.

I found this through Bambola (girl with the big brown eyes or rather Bambola's Diary!) and I think everyone should take part in this. Yes, do it. Now.

I am listening to Robbie William's "Swing When You're Winning" and I have neon pink nails, freshly pedicured toes...and I can't help but feel happy.

The things that are making me happy at the moment:

here(the exact one I have painted on my nails!) 
My cousins are on their plane from England!Right now, as I write this. AAAAAAH
Studying for my GRE (which I sit for on Monday)

So, again thank you for your comments (I love you) and please wish me luck with my boyfriend issues. And with my exams. It's the WEEKEND!

What are your plans for this weekend?